Wednesday, April 30, 2008

The Submissive Knight

Recently I received this response to post I made on another blog from a dominant women who I have come to develop great respect and admiration for. I am using her response here to make a point or two but since I haven’t asked her permission in advance I am not going to reveal the person or the blog but simply reproduce her comments here…

“I want to thank Joe for posting and the wonderful well thought out contribution to the blog. He is a smart and very strong willed man who has freely given himself to the women in his life. As a girl you can't help but to think what would it be like to be held in his strong arms. I am sure that he knows how to please his Mistress on many levels. As a submissive man he is more of the knight than the slave. If it were not for wanting to please the female in his life, I have a feeling he could actually be very dominant. I have a feeling Joe is dominant with other men.”

Actually, I can’t stress enough how amazingly insightful I find this woman to be because she so clearly sensed, perhaps intuitively my nature from simply a few paragraphs of prose that I contributed to a topic under discussion. I do like to think I am somewhat intelligent but not in a prideful sort of way. I spent a good deal of money obtaining what I believe was a quality education from a respected institution of higher learning. Additionally, due to my age I have a good bit of life experience from which to draw and I like to think I’ve learned some valuable lessons along the way. And she was right on target with her assumption that I do tend to be quite dominant in the way I relate to other people in my public life and have always seemed to gravitate towards positions of employment where I am cast in a very dominant role. I like to think I have some natural abilities as a leader and the U. S. Army did expend a good deal of time and resources polishing me into a tactically and technically proficient combat unit leader. In fact since “submissive” has a rather negative, milk toast connotation for members of society in general, I seriously doubt that you would be able to find anyone who knows me in a public sense that would characterize me as submissive. Finally she clearly observed it seemed, my willingness and sincere desire to submit in my private intimate relationships to a strong, dominant female personality. I see the submissive part of my nature not so much as defining me as a person but more so as making a positive contribution to the whole. And her opinion that she considered me more of a knight than a slave with respect to my submissive expression is something that after giving it considerable thought, I found myself in agreement with.

Submissive men come from all walks of life, from every stripe and flavor. Submission cuts across all boundaries or race, ethnicity, age and sexual orientation. While I may consider myself to be of the “knightly” bent, I hasten to add that in no way do I consider this superior in any sense to those submissive men who find it meaningful and choose to offer their submission in a different way. Some submissive men are as I characterize myself, very masculine in the traditional sense and quite comfortable and secure in their masculinity. Others are softer, even effeminate to a degree and I think that has just as much value because they are being the person they are and expressing themselves as real. That is great because to me diversity is the one thing that makes life such an interesting journey. It is also convenient because I have met just as many authentic dominant women who prefer the softer, less overtly male, more effeminate type of submissive man as those I have met who have a preference for the more typically masculine type. Definitely both types of submissive men are needed and should be valued. Obviously, I have very much simplified this by drawing a comparison between two extremes, because along the full submissive male continuum, one would find lots of varied personalities and blends of the two extremes I have compared.

To me there is nothing wrong with being masculine, and I do in fact strongly self-identity myself that way. I simply choose to depart from the traditional patriarchal society definition of what it means to be and act as a man. I do not at all and in fact condemn any notion that being male means that I am superior to women by virtue of the fact that nature has arbitrarily chosen to bestow me with a penis between my legs, that I should dominate women, that I should sexually objectify women, that I should treat women rudely or disrespectfully, or that I should not take them and their opinions seriously. In fact I have always revered, respected and admired females and the important contributions they make to society which I myself have been blessed to benefit from. I do not submit to every female, not even to ever dominant female, yet I honor and defer to each and every one of them. As a male of straight sexual orientation it is quite normal and natural that I find the female body attractive and exciting but that does not mean I should use that as an excuse to view the female body as an object which serves only the singular purpose of an ends to a means of my personal sexual gratification. There is so much more to a woman than that. Considering my mother, my sisters, my daughters and my close female friends, I could not hope to even come close to making the kind of positive impact and contributions to the world that they make routinely as women.

Submission to me is a means by which I can express both in tangible and intangible ways my honest and sincere admiration and respect for the female sex. A strong, dominant female both in and out of the bedroom is my ideal as the quintessential intimate relationship partner. Serving a dominant female both sexually and non-sexually and pleasing her in exactly the way she wants to be pleased, provides me with indescribably joy, pleasure and meaning.

Yes, as I think of it, I do see the rightness of the analogy between the knight and the submissive man. Consider this excerpt from the Charge Given to the Arthurian Knights and see if you, as I do, can easily pick out the similarities.

“God make you a good man and fail not of beauty. The Round Table was founded in patience, humility, and meekness. Thou art never to do outrageousity, nor murder, and always to flee treason, by no means to be cruel, and always to do ladies, damsels, and gentle women succor. Also, to take no battles in a wrongful quarrel for no law nor for no world's goods.

Thou shouldst be for all ladies and fight for their quarrels, and ever be courteous and never refuse mercy to him that asketh mercy, for a knight that is courteous and kind and gentle has favor in every place. Thou shouldst never hold a lady or gentle woman against her will.

Thou must keep thy word to all and not be feeble of good believeth and faith. Right must be defended against might and distress must be protected. Thou must know good from evil and the vain glory of the world, because great pride and bobauce maketh great sorrow. Should anyone require ye of any quest so that it is not to thy shame, thou shouldst fulfill the desire.

Thou shouldst not fail in these things: charity, abstinence and truth. Therefore be a good knight and so I pray to God so ye may be…”

The knights of old were skilled in the art of falconry, adept at arms, fearless in battle, generous and loyal, yet even for them the woman was both predictor and precipitator of the knight's ultimate fulfillment. The good knight accepted that without question and yielded to it immediately; recognizing his rite of passage into manhood was afforded him only by a woman. The same it seems to me is true of the submissive man as our greatest and highest potential as a man can only be realized through obedient submission to a dominant female.

Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Great Expectations

Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems. Having expectations for relationships in our culture is expected. We are brought up that way. Having great expectations sounds great however when the expectation is unfulfilled, we bitch, we moan, we become disappointed. That is a problem for many people.

For example, if I expect my Mistress to dominate me in a certain way and she doesn’t do that I will most likely be disappointed. If she expects me to submit in a certain way and I fail to do so, then she will in the same way feel disappointment. A better way for a submissive to experience the fulfillment of the need to feel dominated might be to simply allow the dominant to dominate in the unique style she dominates with. My own opinions about how I “need” to be dominated in a certain way may not be a healthy need and possibly is fraught with unrealistic expectations that inevitably lead down the road of disappointment. A dominant’s need to feel submitted to in a certain way is in a similar vein. If she doesn’t for example dictate exactly what she wants and establish concrete rules for the submissive to follow that will allow her to feel submitted to and honored in a meaningful way then she really should not feel disappointed or neglected when the submissive fails.

Needs and expectations must be communicated between partners. To me the single biggest cause for disappointment when it comes to expectations is the fact that those expectations were never communicated. Careful thought to what needs must be fulfilled for you to and then presenting those needs to your partner is the only way that a healthy D/s relationship can exist. Otherwise you set the other person up for failure by expecting them to be a mind reader and then holding them accountable when they fail to live up to your expectations.

We often expect our partner to make the best choices for themselves and our relationship and when they fail in our estimation to do so we often get angry or disappointed or both. We create this problem by our non-communicated expectations.

Once we learn to identify our own individual, healthy needs, we must also learn not to be attached to the expectation of how those needs get fulfilled unless we are willing to communicate our expectations to our partner in an open and honest way. My Mistress actually gave me very few rules to observe for our trial relationship period. Actually I think she chose this because she didn’t want to burden a new submissive with an overwhelming number of rules to be held accountable for. Yet the downside of this is that I am sometimes left in the dark about what her expectations for me are within the realm of our relationship or what I might do to serve her in ways she will find meaningful. It is almost inevitable that I will as a result fail to please her in certain areas and cause her to feel disappointment.

Certainly this is far from a one-sided issue but doing my own part in the relationship, as I do a bit of introspection; I conclude that I haven’t been as open in communicating my expectations to her as I should be. It is only her natural flair for dominance I think that has enabled our relationship to be such a completely positive experience for me thus far. So today, in the interest of making my expectations known, I have decided to offer some of them here…

To feel your dominance and control I need;

  • Black and white rules that spell out for me what you expect from me so that your needs as my dominant are met and that spell out for me the exact areas of my life where you want to exercise control and domination.

  • Regular tasks and assignments that make me push my limits and learn to submit to you on increasingly deeper levels and that help me learn to overcome my inhibitions.

  • Rules and rituals that emasculate me in the sense of requiring me to perform activities that help me to learn how to distance myself from the patriarchal definition of maleness and move closer to the true matriarchal definition inherent in the submissive man role within the context of a female led relationship.

  • The experience of you trusting me to a degree commensurate with the trust I have in you. Otherwise I may feel kind of “out there” and vulnerable beyond my comfort level.

  • Strict control over my orgasms and access to self pleasure. This is an area where I most acutely feel your authority and control and without it I feel adrift and dissatisfied in my submission. Denial serves to make me feel my submissive nature in a most pronounced and meaningful way.

    I am not attempting to top from the bottom or presuming to instruct my Mistress on how she should go about dominating me. I am only honestly sharing a few of my expectations to bring them out into the open and to offer examples of things which would meet my self-perceived needs within a D/s relationship. Hopefully this contributes to making my expectations more realistic rather than unrealistic.

Monday, April 28, 2008

Anne…straight from the hip

Anne, host of the “loving female authority” blog is one of the most buzz-worthy reads on the female-led relationship blog niche and is a deliciously strong, likeable dominant female and this candid interview proves why: She opens up about her D/s philosophies, her tastes in submissive men and her dominant approach to the lifestyle. This woman literally drips with appealing dominance.

Affable, approachable, and unpretentious are all words that accurately describe a very poised, practical and pleasant dominant woman I recently had the privilege to interview for this blog. I found her to be intelligent, honest, and confident, truly an example of the consummate, instinctual, assertive dominant female. It was readily apparent to me that she clearly understands, embraces and celebrates her dominant nature and she knows what she wants from a loving female-led relationship. She appreciates and prefers submissive men and made me feel most convincingly that she knows how to access that part of a man’s nature and help him to meaningfully express that part of himself in submitting to her.

Quite recently I became acquainted with Anne, when I stumbled upon her very excellent blog, “loving female authority”. For those who would like to learn more about this secure and very likeable dominant female, you can find a link to her blog under my list of favorites. I myself am a regular reader of her blog and find that she writes with a very unique and compelling style and I very much enjoy her perspectives and insights on loving female-led relationships.

Anne revealed to me that she first became aware of dominance and submission within the context of female – male relationships, when her long-term marriage ended in divorce and she found herself dating once again. She shared with me that she became acquainted with a man who became a friend and although he didn’t actually use the term “female-led” relationships, in hindsight she understands that he did in fact outline that very thing for her. During their discussions about her dating experiences he was the first to suggest that perhaps she was dating the wrong kind of men and thus actually first put her on to the idea of dating submissive men. Following a period of experimentation and exploration during which Anne, in her words, “had mixed results due to my inexperience”, she began to feel that having a committed loving, female-led relationship with a submissive male partner was truly the kind of relationship she wanted and needed. Her feelings were further solidified when she discovered the Venus On Top site which according to Anne, “really advocates dominant women in relationships, and talks about the kink in terms of reality instead of a whip wielding leather dressed fantasy.” She served as a volunteer with Venus on Top, which she credits with providing her valuable experience and help in learning a great deal about dominance and submission and female-led relationships.

As mentioned, Anne is the host of her own blog which she describes as her online journal to celebrate her acceptance and growth as a dominant woman and her quest for a Female Led Relationship. Anne’s goal with the blog is to promote conversation, ideas, thoughts and growth about female led relationships and other related topics. She shared with me that she actually decided to begin a blog because, “I have never been very good at writing down my feelings. I have never kept a diary. I find it excruciating to even create a resume. I decided to force myself to write about this experience and use it as a method for both learning to write things that are personal and getting my feelings out.” Clearly she has accomplished her goal with her interesting and well written blog where she regularly and openly expresses her feelings and thoughts.

Another interest that Anne has is the creation and development of a new website for dominant women and submissive men, which she is currently working on. She envisions the site as being a clearinghouse for information as well as serving as a female-led relationship focused dating site. She also plans to include message boards or forums to promote interaction between dominant females and submissive men. Her goal for the new web site is to provide a female friendly environment to serve as a conduit for informing and hopefully attracting more women into the lifestyle. To ensure that it is a non-threatening and safe feeling environment she states that while all kinds of kink information will be available, it will not be prominently featured immediately as she feels that might be a turn-off for women just beginning to explore the possibilities of a female-led relationship. She plans the design to initially allow interested women to get onto the site and feel comfortable and only then begin to explore the kink information.

Here, Anne takes a time out from her work, her blog and attention to the development of her new web site to give Her Property the lowdown on her thoughts and life as a passionate, loving, dominant woman.

If you have a favorite comment that was posted by a reader, can you tell me the topic of the post the comment was related to and why you found the comment meaningful?
I am not sure about a favorite comment. I have had some nice ones and met some nice people. I particularly like hearing from women.

If you have ever received a comment in response to a post that you found disturbing, can you tell me about it?
I think it was the most recent comment from a male reader in the post called Respect, in response to my post about a man asking me to castrate him. I find this disturbing because this man is obviously hurting very much and needs some help, and there is no way for me to reach out to him.

I know from reading your blog, that you had a long and stable marriage before becoming single again. How did the experiences from your marriage contribute to your realization of the need to express your dominance within the context of a female-led relationship?
I realized after my divorce, and through counseling, that even though I have always enjoyed being in charge, that I allowed my ex to overpower my decisions and I hated it. I will never allow that again. I am perfectly comfortable being in charge now. I also realized that I like a man who brings peace to my life and wants to serve me because that is who he is, and because he adores me. Ironically, I think my ex would have LOVED the kink aspects of an FLR, but he would still have constantly undermined my decisions.

You have shared in your blog the frustration you have felt over the unwillingness of men to show up for a face-to-face meeting with you. What do you think the reasons are that prevent them from taking what appears to be the logical first step in entering into a female-led partnership?
Well I think it is probably a lot of different reasons. First, it is easy to talk on the internet, but when you have to make it real, you have to actually admit to your submissive feelings to someone face-to-face. Fear is another reason. I think some fear I am going to be some monster who will instantly take over every aspect of their life, remove all choice they have, and chain them to the bed. Some of it is that they are afraid that they will be ridiculed or not understood. Some just wanted to talk kink and didn't really intend to meet in the first place. Some are probably married. Some of it is that they are chicken shit.

Obviously I know you have a preference for submissive males as a potential relationship partner, but can you give me a little more insight into the type of guys you tend to like?
There is a good book and website called a psychologist named Taylor Hartman. I prefer men in the white category. Per his site these are the peacekeepers. Peace: the ability to stay calm and balanced even in the midst of conflict, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of clarity and tolerance and are generally kind, adaptable, and good-listeners. I like men who are secure in themselves. I like intelligent men. Not necessarily learned, but intelligent. I like men who are eager and think I am the best thing since sliced bread. A man who knows that I am capable of making decisions and good at them. I hate men who argue (discuss/debate/whatever) with me. The fastest way to make me angry is to try to prove you are right and I am wrong.

What is the best piece of advice you could offer to a dominant girlfriend when it comes to finding a suitable submissive male for a female-led relationship?
Clearly since I don't have a man, and have had a heck of a time finding one, I am the wrong person to ask. Be patient. Talk to lots of men. Understand that at least 75% of them will not meet with you.

What is the best piece of advice you could offer to a submissive male when it comes to finding a dominant female partner for a female-led relationship?
Love yourself and your nature. If you don't you are nothing but trouble. Be patient. SHOW UP IF YOU AGREE TO A DATE. Be interesting. Submissive does not equal being a wet rag. If a man tells me he has no interests, only what I am interested in, I drop him. That does not mean I might not change things, but have interests. Show the women that you like her. Flowers are always good. Be on time. Be clean. Don't press her with 200 questions of what kinks she likes. If she asks you questions answer them honestly. Realize that the fantasy of a woman in leather, heels, and a whip is just that, a fantasy. Those are just a few of my ideas.

As a female please explain how you see yourself with respect to whether you consider yourself to be closer to the girly girl type, the tomboy type or do you see yourself as a blend of the two?
I am not a girly girl. I was a total tomboy when I was young. Now I would say I am in between. I am quite comfortable in a dress and heels. I love jeans and comfy clothes. I have my nails done, but am not afraid to get dirty.

The flavors of some of things you write cause me to see you as a romantic at heart. When you think about having a romantic evening with a submissive male boyfriend, can you elaborate on what you envision as far as do you find the idea of spending time alone at home or going out to be what comes to mind?
This is funny, because my ex husband would tell you that I did not have a romantic bone in my body. D/s relationships create a different kind of bond. The fact that a man gives up of himself willingly makes me feel very appreciative and close to him. There is a different kind of intimacy. If I had to guess, this is a large part of what submissive men feel. So, going out. We have wonderful outdoor concerts here in the summer, at a local winery. You bring your own dinner and chairs, sit and relax and see some top acts. I think he would plan the meal, pack it all up, carry it from the car to where we sit, serve me food. We would sit and relax and enjoy the evening. Spending time alone at home, there are so many activities. I think that most kink activities are actually fairly intimate. For instance, I have always found that using a strap-on is an intimate activity.

Can you describe your own dominant female style as far as what a submissive man might expect if he were your partner in a female-led relationship?
I am looking for a relationship. Not play. To me, the love and intimacy are a large part of it. The more of that there is, the happier and more dominant that I am. I don't humiliate just to humiliate. I understand that there is humiliation inherent in what I do, but I don't do it for humiliation. I am strict but not mean.

What role do you see Female Supremacy and/or feminist ideologies playing within the context of female-led relationships?
I personally don't believe in Female Supremacy. I do not think that every single woman should be in control or in charge. I have a good friend for instance who should never be in charge. She would self-destruct. I do think that girls should be taught to feel good about themselves. That it is ok to excel. That they can be in charge if they want to be. And boys should be taught that they don't have to be in charge if they don't want to be. In other words, the roles we play should be based upon our personalities, not on our gender.

What role if any do you see the feminization of your submissive male partner playing within the dynamics of a female-led relationship?
Personally I like some feminization. I find it sexy. I don't like macho hairy men as a rule. I enjoy making my man wear panties all of the time. This is both very sexy for me and also reminds him of who is in control. I like using a strap-on. I have painted my man's toenails before. I had my bf remove all hair but his arm hair. These are just some examples of what I like. I have spoken to dominant women who very much like the macho John Wayne types of guys. They can have them :)

Please share with me the details of your views on the role of sexual intercourse within a loving female-led relationship. I am assuming that you do enjoy penetrative sex to a degree based on what I have read in your blog. Particularly, do you see this as an important part of the sexual side of the relationship and would you be open to all of the common sexual positions or only allow specific ones? Also would allowing your male submissive to penetrate you include an opportunity for him to orgasm during sex or would you prohibit that?
I do enjoy penetrative sex. Sometimes I might want him to please me orally only. Sometimes penetration. I like all sexual positions. The goal after all is to please me. If I don't feel like doing the work, then I want him on top. I do allow orgasm during penetration, but only if I tell him that it is ok to do so. And if he does orgasm during penetration, when he is done, he goes down and orally cleans me all up.

Branching out now from female-led relationships, what do you enjoy as far as hobbies, interests or pursuits when you just want to relax and enjoy life?
I love to travel. I just got back from three weeks in Australia and New Zealand. I love to read and love music. I like to eat out, do things with friends. I work in the technology field but I am also an artist. I like to cook (but like being cooked for even more). I like going to movies, exploring outdoors (but not in a killer backpacking kind of way). I like seeing movies. I enjoy spending time with my son at whatever he would like to do. I love animals. I started school as pre-vet. I have 2 cats right now.

I noticed that you recently enjoyed a vacation trip to Australia and assume that travel is one of your interests. Can you tell me more about your interests with regard to travel? Any other favorite places you have visited? Any places you hope to travel to at some point? I am not sure I will ever be able to travel to all of the places I desire to travel to. Australia was wonderful, my favorite place I have traveled to. Close to that would have to be France. I have been to Australia, New Zealand, France, Switzerland, Canada, Mexico, quite a few Caribbean places. Most of the states in the US, except for some on the eastern side. Next year my son and I will go to South Africa for a photo safari. I want to see more European countries. Spain, Italy, England, Scotland, Ireland etc. I'd love to see Cuba. I like to see local things and meet people. Immerse myself in the culture.

And there you have it, an intimate peek into the life and times of a truly interesting and extraordinary dominant woman. I hope you have enjoyed getting acquainted with her as much as I have.


Sunday, April 27, 2008

Sunday Mantra: Erotic Humiliation

My Weekly Sunday Mantra report to my Mistress...

For this week's mantra, as has become my habit, I began my preparations again with attention to personal hygiene by freshly trimming my pubic hair and then by using a razor to shape the area in an attractive manner and to smoothly shave my scrotum. As you instructed me, for this week this activity also required that I shape my pubic hair into an “L” in honor of you, Mistress Lily. Actually it proved to be more difficult than I imagined and once finished I wasn’t completely satisfied with the look. My pubic hair has still not grown back very thickly since the last time I was completely shaved so the appearance of the “L” did not seem to really jump out. So I hope you will be pleased by my decision to outline the hairline with a black sharpie so that it was more visible. I then took the photograph as you instructed and I posted it to our special thread in the Academy forums.

After a hot shower so that I felt fresh and clean I then proceeded to perform our weekly ritual in the manner you prescribed. I put your collar on my neck and went to our special place reserved for our Sunday ritual, taking with me “your” panties, my medium anal plug and lubricant. I misted the corner with your perfume, Britney Spears's Curious, and then I lubed and inserted my anal plug. Kneeling in my usual fashion, knees widely spread, back straight, my arms resting on my thighs, palms upturned, head held eye and eyes downcast, I then gagged myself with “your” panties and contemplated the topic you assigned me for today. After thirty minutes, I moved to the computer, sat down and composed my response to the topic assignment…

Topic Assignment: “For this Sunday Mantra's I would like you to consider at what lengths you would go to please your Mistress. How much humiliation are you willing to endure? What things don't excite you at all, but that you are willing to do if I asked you? Please list for me at least 5 THINGS you would be willing to do for me.”

There is of course a huge difference between humiliation and degradation. There are of course also variances in the degree of humiliation and the degree to which a particular person might perceive feelings of humiliation for any particular task. One person might find an activity either only mildly embarrassing or not even humiliating at all. Another person might find the very same activity produces very strong feelings of humiliation. And yet another may feel degraded by having to do the very same activity. In other words, it does vary from person to person depending upon how much the person enjoys and needs humiliation play. I know I do have an attraction for humiliation play but I think only in the sense where something causes me to feel humiliated in a mild rather than extreme degree. For me personally one form of verbal humiliation is a good example of an activity that would be too extreme. I know that some male submissives enjoy having the size of their cock ridiculed. For me, if my dominant ridiculed me for having a tiny or unattractive cock, that would make me feel degraded and it would be very hurtful for me and just too extreme. I would not find it erotic or arousing at all. However, other forms of verbal humiliation, like being called certain names would I think be something I would find humiliating, but also arousing and erotic (e.g. “slut”, “pussy boy”, etc.).

There are also many activities that I would find humiliating to have to perform, but would be comfortable with and find to be erotic. Being made to wear female panties is a good example. I would feel a degree of humiliation by being made to do it but at the same time I also feel that it would be something I liked and found arousing. So while having to wear female panties would provide a degree of humiliation for me, since I would like doing it that isn’t something that fits the criteria of your topic for today. Yet since cross-dressing is not a kink of mine, the fact that I would willingly submit to having to wear female panties does not mean I would find wearing other female clothing enjoyable. As I was thinking about this particular thing, it occurred to me that things like those you wanted me to list. Activities I would find humiliating but that don't excite me at all and that I would not want to do, but would be willing to do if you asked me to, are mostly in the area of forced feminization activities. So the list I composed are predominantly forced feminization activities. I did however think of a couple of other types of activities to list, so here is what I came up with;

  • Being required to wear feminine lingerie items other than panties (e.g. bras, garter belts, hosiery, corsets, teddies, baby doll nighties, etc.)

  • Being required to wear lipstick.

  • Being required to paint my toenails with colored polish.

  • Being required to wear tampons or pads and simulate being on a period. Just the act of buying these things would be humiliating.

  • With regard to wearing panties, if I was made to wear them and then risk being seen wearing them or actually allowing someone to see me wearing them as in having briefly appear outside in panties or having to post photographs of me wearing them, that would definitely fall in the category you are looking for.

Here are a couple of other things I thought of that aren’t associated with forced feminization but that would also be in the category of things that I’d find humiliating and wouldn’t enjoy or want to do, but that I would do if you asked;

  • Eating my cum is not something I like and is something I find humiliating so this fits the category. Also if I were made to masturbate in a position where my cum would spurt into my mouth or on my face, that is something that would be humiliating and not something I would want to do but would if you asked.

  • I explored pee play with a task I performed at the Academy. While wetting myself was mildly humiliating, being made to wet myself while in public would meet the criteria of this topic. I wouldn’t even be able to do it if someone would definitely witness it, but even though it isn’t something I would want to do or find enjoyable, under controlled conditions with a small risk of being seen, I would do this and it would be very humiliating.

  • Having to perform fellatio on a realistic dildo would also be something that fits the criteria. It would be even more humiliating to have to beg to do it before performing the act.

Hopefully the list I compiled meets the criteria of what you were looking for with the topic assignment for this week. After completing and posting my report, I then removed the plug and cleaned up.

With all obedience,

Saturday, April 26, 2008

Toy Review: Penis Plugs

Penis plugs have been around for quite awhile but recently have enjoyed increased popularity due to better availability of information about them as well as easier availability of the plugs themselves. The penis plug is both a toy and a penis non-pierced jewelry item. Penis plug insertion falls within the BDSM category of light CBT play.

One way to think of penis plugs and the use of them is the natural comparison to anal plugs but on a much smaller scale as they are of course designed for insertion in a male’s smaller orifice, the urethra.

Insertion of a penis plug does actually require that the urethra be stretched much like using larger anal plugs accomplishes with respect to the anus. Therefore it is simply common sense to start small and work up to larger diameters. Some penis plugs are hollow and feature a hole in the tip which allows the wearer to pee and cum without removing the plug. There are straight forward designs of machined aerospace-grade metals featuring gradual graduations in size up to a larger diameter “hump” which serves to keep the plug from slipping out as well as a ring attached at the top to prevent over insertion. There are also plugs that move closer along the spectrum towards decorative jewelry with both artistic designs as well as those with synthetic jewels set on the top. Several different styles may be viewed by clicking on the attachments.

More than just a fashion statement, the insertion of penis plugs is designed to provide new and erotic sensations to the wearer. The feeling of a penis plug is reported to be very intense because the urethra is highly sensitive with lots of nerve endings. I have read that some men find that their penis becomes instantly erect in response to the stimulation that penis plugs give and others report that they leak precum almost constantly while wearing one.

The tissue inside the male urethra is very delicate and subject to tearing so a beginner should obviously use caution in gradually achieving the necessary stretching effect. Also, as with anal plugs, a good personal lubricant should be used with penis plugs.

Immediately after learning about penis plugs I admit I began to covet one to try for myself. Last week I ordered one, a model called The Little Fucker and the photograph displayed above illustrates it. Out of the box, I admit I found it rather intimidating as I compared the diameter of it with the size of the opening of my urethra. The plug diameter was a good bit larger than I envisioned it would be. But I was determined to give it a shot, so I covered it with lubricant and attempted the first insertion. Actually I discovered that the urethral opening is quite stretchy and I managed to insert the tip of the plug quite easily. Since I have never had need of a catheter insertion and have never attempted to insert anything into my urethra before, I am taking things very slowly and am being very gentle and cautious with this. Some tips I found on an Internet site recommended that the novice should spend a few minutes each day working with the plug and attempting to insert it a little deeper each day without forcing the issue. Based upon what I read, eventually the urethra will be stretched sufficiently and the plug will eventually pop into place. Each day that I have worked with the plug, I have been able to insert it a bit further but have not yet quite reached the point of inserting it past the “hump” or largest diameter portion before it will go no further. After several days of experimenting with insertion I am feeling a very minor degree of discomfort but not enough that I would term it soreness. I am very eagerly anticipating the experience of having the plug fully inserted but will continue the gradual acclimation of my urethral opening. Once I am able to get the plug fully inserted I will post an update and also share the removal process.

Penis plugs I think would be suitable for men who enjoy bondage, CBT and medical play as the principle behind penis plugs is similar to the use of urethral sounds. If you enjoy trying something a bit different, you might wish to give penis plugs a try. As far as toys go, they are not really inexpensive but already I am feeling the expense is justified. In the event anyone reading this decides to try a penis plug, following are a few safety points you should be aware of.

Safety issues: Be cautious while learning to insert penis plugs as you are working with some very delicate tissue, easily torn and injured. Never “force” anything into your urethra. Never insert anything into your urethral opening not specifically designed for that purpose. Objects inserted in the urethral opening must be completely clean to prevent the possibilities of infection. As with anal plugs, a good rule of thumb is if it hurts, stop.

Friday, April 25, 2008

Submission: Reality or Fantasy?

“What people call insincerity is simply a method by which we can multiply our personalities.”
Oscar Wilde (Irish Poet, Novelist, Dramatist and Critic, 1854-1900)

Originally I had planned to post on another topic today, but while reading a post from a dear dominant female friend’s blog where she was again expressing frustration about another “submissive” male that turned out to be a fraud and had disappointed her, I decided to post this piece.

From many different sources I have discovered and studied, I have come to understand that the concept of passively submitting to and being dominated by an assertive female is one of the most common erotic fantasies among men in general, whether they self-identify as submissive men or not. Sexual fantasies are daydreams, imaginary visions, whimsical speculations, wishful thinking. Everybody fantasizes about sexual things to some degree and at some level. Sexual fantasies may express an aspect of our unconscious mind. For example, fantasies about being submissive or passive may be linked to a desire to experience high sexual arousal without personal responsibility. But many times our sexual fantasies are simply a means by which we can act out things we might never do in real life and sometimes they turn us on precisely because they're not real. This I suspect is why my dominant female friend so often finds disappointment in her search for an authentic submissive man to partner with her in the loving female led relationship she desires.

Many explanations have been offered for why men fantasize about being subjected to female domination. Perhaps one of the most compelling and academic explanations has been offered by Elise Sutton, author of the books Female Domination and The FemDom Experience. As a psychologist she offers some very interesting and plausible psychological reasons for why nearly all men find this erotic and arousing to fantasize about. She theorizes that there is an innate part of a male’s inner being that produces in them the desire to be dominated by a woman resulting from a man's childhood experiences with his female authority figures. She observes that a male is carried in the womb of a woman, birthed into the world by a woman, nurtured at the breasts of a woman, disciplined by the loving hands of a woman, and is loved and comforted by a woman. She notes that most of the time, a young boy is bathed, caressed, nurtured and spanked by adult female authority figures and that this contributes to later stirring submissive feelings. When they reach adolescence and begin to experiment with their sexuality, become curious and discover an attraction for females, then their earlier experiences with the nurturing and discipline from females becomes intertwined and mixed with the sexual. Young boys grown accustomed to being bossed around and dominated by the adult female authority figures upon entering puberty then begin to experience sexual fantasies that often involve being the helpless sexual victim of one of his adult female authority figures like a teacher, older sister or a babysitter. When these boys grow into men these submissive desires linger. They often retain the fantasy of being an innocent and helpless boy that is being dominated, disciplined or being sexually used by an adult female authority figure. An adult male still longs for those feelings produced from childhood female authority figures who disciplined him but then afterwards hugged him, comforted him and nurtured him causing him to associate punishment and love and seeming them as going hand and hand.

As men become adults in this society that expects men to be the dominant gender, most try to suppress their desire to submit to women and often successfully. They yield to the perceived pressure that society places on them to act “masculine” as society defines that role. Yet submitting to women continues to be something they fantasize about. Some even go as far as to express their fantasies by seeking contact with dominant women and offering to submit to them, although in reality they never have any real intention of doing so. They are seeking a means of having the dominant women fulfill for them some of their erotic submissive fantasies but they will not act on those fantasies in real life. So is submission merely a sexual fantasy that men harbor or is it something some men actually feel a need and a longing to actually do?

Some of these “submissive” men are in fact willing to express their submissive desires toward women in the sexual realm through different sexual desires. He may desire to bottom during sex, may desire corporal punishment (being spanked or whipped by a woman), may desire to be emasculated (forced feminization) or may desire humiliation (strap-on sex, water sports, etc.). However all of these stem from his interest in the erotic and sexual aspects of female domination. He sees dominant women only in terms of leather outfits, whips, and the source of techniques to satiate and fulfill his own sexual fantasies and needs, and has no concern about fulfilling hers. Once he has been satisfied sexually then he no longer has any desire to submit.

Authentic submissive men do desire erotic submission (being spanked or whipped by a woman), forced feminization (being emasculated by a woman), humiliation, strap-on sex (being the receiver of a woman's rubber phallus), water sports (such as forced enemas or golden showers), and other D&S activities. But what sets these men apart is the fact that they also want to worship the female by tending to her physical and sexual needs and are also willing and eager to be made to serve her domestically. The common thread to all these sexual and submissive desires is the true longing for loving female authority. That is what the authentic submissive man is seeking from the female gender. All of his specific fetishes are merely the outward expressions of his need and hunger for loving female authority.

With the authentic male submissive, either he has been unsuccessful in his past attempts to suppress his desire to submit to women and to live up to the masculine model society expects of him, or else he has at some point I think become enlightened enough to see the societal definition of masculinity is wrong and goes against his natural nature which is to offer willing submission to strong, dominant women. He longs to be dominated, disciplined, and controlled by a woman in order yield to the power of a female and in fact his inherent submissive nature compels him to do so. No matter how hard society or religion tries to tell men differently, something deep inside of him yearns to surrender to a powerful woman. He has found the courage to win the internal battle within each male and has come to terms with his submissive nature understanding he needs to express it to be at peace with himself.

Clearly, I do understand the frustration dominant women express over the dishonest, self-serving men who portray themselves as submissive but who are not. It is also frustrating for me because I know it creates cynicism among dominant women which makes it even more difficult for authentic submissive men to find partners for loving female relationships. Yet clearly, there is no way to eliminate these types of men from the equation. There will always be those who selfishly want their own sexual needs and fantasies to be met but who have no intentions of actually submitting to a woman. They will continue to use deception and lies to attempt to get it. I can only encourage those men who truly are submissive to be open and completely honest when communicating to potential dominant female partners and only offer to submit when you know you are actually willing to follow through on your promises.

Thursday, April 24, 2008


Recently I had the pleasure of stumbling upon a blog written by a self described “urban feminist.” While she makes no claim of involvement with the Female Supremacy movement or the D/s lifestyle, reading her blog did cause me to see her as perhaps another sterling example of an emerging dominant woman.

Feminism these days gets a pretty bad rap in general. There is the stereotypical crazed, hairy, man-hating lesbian for starters. But something else feminists get accused of is “emasculation.” According to the Urban Feminist, “…the man-hating thing is partly a myth constructed in order to foster distaste for feminism and to introduce the idea that feminism is actually inherently sexist.” She goes on to say that “it's also partly the fault of women who go around saying things like, ‘All men are bastards,’ which frankly is usually because they only go out with bastards.”

Besides the fact that I simply love the way this woman writes, I was drawn to her blog initially by the subject she wrote about, emasculation. To me emasculation is part and parcel of the concept of male submission within the context of a female led relationship. Many of the things that submissive men are called upon to perform and even to a large extent, their behavior is in fact the practice of emasculation. Masculinity and femininity are cultural concepts that have little to do with gender. They have been constructed by a patriarchal society to exaggerate the small personality differences between men and women (e.g. men are generally more aggressive and women are generally more nurturing). This is used to perpetuate a culture in which men rule the roost while women have the babies and perform the mundane domestic chores. The pressure to fit into these stereotypes and the male dominance inherent in them is something that feminists generally are not too happy about and which certainly are foreign to the concept of female led, D/s relationships.

While submissive men may be subjected to emasculinization to some degree within a female led relationship, I think it is just as much a women being de-femininized, at least in the sense of how patriarchal society defines the male and female roles. Every person should have the right to be who they are within reason. Personally I feel most like me when I am submitting to an assertive, strong, dominant female and I actually feel more like a man when doing so than when fulfilling the outmoded and silly role assigned to me by patriarchal society. I do not see dominance in a female as making her less, but incredibly more sexy and feminine because she is being empowered to be the person she really is.

Patriarchal society defines masculinity in such a way that I feel it contributes to the mistreatment and general disrespecting of women. In that paradigm, women are viewed as second class citizens. Any feeling of superiority to someone just because I have a penis and they don't, refusing to do housework or valuing women solely for their fuckability is simply wrong and not a part of any definition of masculinity that I subscribe to.

I think that masculinity should be about self-identifying as a male, period. Beyond that in terms of relations between the sexes, it should be about using one's greater size and strength for protection rather than dominance. It should be about valuing women as human beings rather than as potential depositories of my penis and semen. Emasculation I think is just a nice term for a process that helps me to rid myself of the negative behaviors and beliefs inherent in society’s definition of what it means to act like a man. Emasculation to me does not bring to my mind images of castration but is to me simply the logical way of male submission and radical departure from the patriarchal concept of misogyny.

Coming Soon!

I am expanding the scope of Her Property in the hopes of improving it and making it more relevant and interesting for those who take the time to visit and read. I am planning some new features which I hope readers will enjoy. First as you may have noticed, I have posted my first poll and will continue using polls as a means for allowing readers to share their opinions on topics relevant to domination and submission and D/s relationships. Interviews with interesting people involved in the lifestyle are a second feature that is being added. I have just completed my first interview with a very engaging dominant female whom I am sure readers will be interested in getting to know. I will be posting her interview on Monday, April 28 and you won’t want to miss it! I think it will be interesting for readers to have the opportunity to read the thoughts, opinions and perspectives of other dominant and submissive people and that is the purpose for the new interview feature.

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

Online D/s Relationships

My Mistress and I share an online distance relationship. She accepted me as her personal submissive this past March 20 and we are now just beginning our second month of a three month trial relationship. During our first month together in addition to being my Mistress she has also already become one of my closest friends, my confidant, my mentor and my trainer. I have developed real feelings of affection for her and I value the intimacy we have shared together. I have learned to trust her and have come to feel very comfortable in allowing myself to be completely open and vulnerable with her.

Yes, there are aspects of an online, distance relationship that are frustrating. Like the inability to share physical intimacy, the slower pace of trust development when compared to offline and the limitations on serving her in tangible ways. While I may not be able to physically kneel before her and offer my submission still it doesn’t diminish the depth of the relationship for me nor the value of the experiences that submitting to her engender for me. I know, for some people, it is hard to accept how one can feel so connected to someone they've never seen or touched. How can you trust someone you've never seen?

Anyone who has had an online relationship will have heard questions like this and others that are a little more blunt. People who haven't explored online connections tend to belittle them and regard them as pale imitations of “real” relationships. We're all familiar with the stereotypical image of the pallid, glasses-wearing, computer nerd who is so socially inept the only relationships he or she can make are via the computer. That image seems to sum up the attitudes of many people towards online relationships and the people who “need” them. Even those who themselves engage in online chat sometimes hold these attitudes and distinguish between virtual and “real life” relationships, despite the evidence of their own experiences. Also there are some lifestyle purists who insist that “real life” is the only way to experience the lifestyle and online is nothing but role-play.

Given the relative newness of these types of relationships whether D/s based or otherwise, this questioning is understandable. But to denigrate them I think denies online D/s relationships the justice they deserve. Despite the well publicized dangers of the Internet; ease of deception, the pretence, the predators and the addictions, online relationships offer us something special and especially with regards to D/s something we might not find available in any other way.

Think about it. What distinguishes online relationships from offline? They are free from the limits of geography, they have an element of anonymity (e.g. safety), and they usually come minus a whole rift of assumptions, prejudices and preconceptions we bring to our offline relationships. For instance, until I had known her for a month, I had no knowledge of my Mistress’s skin color and it never even occurred to me to ask. Height, weight, age, physical attractiveness, or physical disabilities of the person you meet online are much less of an issue than with offline. My Mistress is actually half my age and offline I’d never have considered forming a relationship with someone so much younger. Frequently, by the time you do get to discover all these things, you know the person so well that these details gain the insignificance they so richly deserve. In other words people have the opportunity to “see” the other person for who they really are without first viewing them through the artificial lens of physical attractiveness, age, height/weight proportion, etc.

It is true of course that people have the ability to put on a front and pretend to be something they're not online and that is one of the downsides of the anonymity. But I think if one is observant, in time, even online these things can become apparent.

If you compare offline D/s relationships to online, you can't say one type is real and the other is not. It's simply not true. They each have their advantages and their disadvantages. It's just that online relationships are a whole new area of lifestyle interaction, one that is still being explored and sorted out.

Online D/s relationships are not something to be scared of or to dismiss out of hand. They offer the potential to expand dramatically one’s experience with a D/s relationship when an offline relationship is simply not available. Yes in all honesty, I would prefer to be in an offline, female led relationship with all the attendant “physical” advantages that would provide. But until that becomes a reality, I am going to simply be thankful that I was fortunate enough to meet a quality person online willing to explore this lifestyle with me and to help me grow as a submissive. Surely that's something worth fostering and real enough for anyone.

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Sex in the Female Led Relationship

An interesting aspect of female led relationships to me is the question about how sex should be handled. As a normal male, I do of course enjoy having sexual intercourse with a woman but a part of me I admit views it as having the implication of equity by its very nature, the joining of two complementary parts. And there are positions; most notably “doggie style” and missionary with would actually place the submissive male in a rather dominant position in relation to the dominant female partner during intercourse. As a submissive male I am not sure I should ever be allowed to feel any equality with respect to my dominant female partner. I actually can say with all sincerity that I do subscribe to the ideology of Female Supremacy and I make no apologies for it. To me Female Supremacy, which I define simply as a harmonious environment where both sexes are valued and respected but the final decision in all matters is made by women, is the natural progression and logical extension of female dominated D/s lifestyle relationships. Given that I’m not sure how I feel about the idea of engaging in intercourse with a dominant female partner.

Many who engage in female led D/s relationships believe that intercourse should be eschewed for cunnilingus and strap-on sex. Should the female dominant partner feel the desire for intercourse then they maintain that the male submissive should only be allowed to penetrate her with a strap-on dildo rather than with his own penis. This does make some sense to me as it provides for the penetrative pleasure of the dominant female without the over-shadowing of equality that I alluded to earlier. The male himself is denied the pleasurable sensations associated with intercourse and of course the opportunity to orgasm. I do however know from past discussions with dominant women, that some do enjoy penetrative sex and penetration by an actual penis. Perhaps if this is allowed then as a minimum the submissive male should never be permitted to orgasm during intercourse.

With men in general it is pretty much an accepted fact that the longer a man goes without orgasm, the greater lengths he will go to in order to achieve one. In other words, a teased man will especially attentive and will do whatever his Mistress wishes. Conversely, once a man is sexually gratified, he not thinking about sex any longer for the moment and tends to be less sensitized to the needs and desires of the woman. Some submissive men even report that their submissive feelings ebb to the lowest point after they orgasm. This is the primary reason that many in the lifestyle believe that a man’s orgasm must be harnessed both figuratively and literally. He is conditioned to correlate denial of orgasm with punishment and fulfillment of orgasm as reward. He soon sees the opportunity to have an orgasm as a gift from his dominant, not as some entitlement. Some of the methods for exercising the practice of strict denial include;

  • The submissive male is never allowed under any circumstances to masturbate, unless instructed to do so by his dominant female partner.

  • The submissive male is never permitted to orgasm unless his Mistress has already done so and gives him permission.

  • The dominant female never performs fellatio on her submissive male except perhaps in a limited sense when using it as a tease to exacerbate the effects of denial, to increase his arousal and enhance his feelings of submission.

  • On those rare occasions when a submissive male is allowed sexual release, he should only be permitted to do so by either rubbing against something, such as the mattress, or by manual masturbation using his own hands.

  • Orgasms should be used as a reward for submissive males but having an orgasm without permission should also be a punishable offense.

  • Semen should be disposed of in a way that humiliates the male such as by oral consumption.

  • The extreme method of controlling the submissive male’s orgasm by use of chastity control devices; chastity belts, tubes and the like should be employed whenever it is evident that the male lacks sufficient willpower and self-discipline to refrain from masturbating without permission. Many who endorse the use of chastity devices and the rationing of male orgasms believe that limiting the male to one release per week is a good starting point and he can be gradually conditioned from that point to longer periods of time until ideally, he is kept in denial for two to three weeks at a time. Even longer periods might be imposed to punish bad behavior.

Talking Points:

For Dominant Women: In your opinion should normal sexual intercourse be a part of a female led D/s relationship? If you believe penetrative sex is okay, then do you feel only positions should be used which do not place your submissive male in a dominant position to you during sex? How do you feel about the idea suggested that the submissive male be allowed only to penetrate you with a strap-on dildo instead of his actual penis?

Monday, April 21, 2008

Men in Panties Revisited

It’s only been about a week since I discussed men wearing panties but one day this past week I completed an assignment I had been given to go to a well known women’s lingerie store and purchase a pair of panties. That experience of course brought the topic back to mind and in thinking about it, I had what I thought was a new perspective on the whole idea of men wearing panties that hopefully will be of interest to my readers.

From my reading on various web sites I have come to conclude that with regard to sentiment, most submissive men find it humiliating to be made to wear female panties but also erotic and arousing at the same time. The same has been true of my own feelings and I actually suspected that it wasn’t so much the physical act of wearing panties since cross-dressing is not a kink for me, but the humiliation inherent in being made to wear panties that produces the sense of eroticism.

This past week I was discussing this very issue with a new dominant female acquaintance and she told me that while she does require her male submissives to wear panties she went on to explain that she does not do so for the purpose of humiliating them. She offered several reasons why she has her submissive men to wear them. She mentioned that she simply loves seeing a man in panties because she finds them incredibly sexy on a man. She feels that he thinks of her when he is wearing them and men have told her that wearing panties created a more submissive feeling for them. She also acknowledged that she does understand that men generally do find it humiliating which is another reason she finds it personally erotic as she appreciates a man’s willingness to perform something for her that he finds humiliating and it makes her feel close to him and happy with him.

Requiring her submissive man to wear panties is simply another tool in the arsenal of the dominant female to control her man. Controlling what a man wears is a big part of controlling the man. By controlling his dress she extends the overall effect of the control he feels. I think this requirement could also enhance and intensify a submissive man’s feelings of vulnerability and thus enhance his awareness of his submissiveness. One Mistress with who I am acquainted offered several reasons she felt keeping her submissive man in panties was a good idea;

  • On the practical side keeping a submissive in panties only when in the house cuts down on the laundry.
  • There are times when it is hard for submissive men to be in the frame of mind to serve his Mistress. Having to wear female panties helps him to focus on his submissiveness and keeps him in a service oriented frame of mind.
  • Having a man parade around in panties makes it easier for him to understand his place. Sometimes even the best and most devoted of submissive men need a reminder of their role.

All of these new ideas and perspectives on men in panties has given me cause to ponder why this is something that produces humiliation or at least mildly embarrassing feelings for many submissive men. Is it because we see this practice as emasculation to a degree? Speaking for myself, with of course the exception of my submissive nature, I consider myself to be a fairly typical male and I strongly identify with my masculine role. Being a male is something I am comfortable with and I really don’t consider myself to be effeminate. As a result I do as I’ve shared previously, view feminization or sissification activities with a good deal of trepidation. As I examined my feelings introspectively I think the reason that idea intimidates me is not because it would threaten my masculine identity but stems rather from childhood when I was conditioned to refrain from any activity that would cause others to view me as a “sissy”. For a male child to be called a “sissy” was about the most devastating insult imaginable. The term sissy at its origin is a feminine nickname. Used as a pejorative for a boy or man, sissy indicates or implies that he is like a sister, that is, effeminate and failing to behave according to the traditional male gender role (e.g. showing a lack of the courage and stoicism which are thought important to the male role). Perhaps this is why wearing female panties produces those feelings of embarrassment or even mild humiliation as it recalls to the male mind, that childhood prohibition against doing something unmanly or feminine which would call into question his masculinity, as society tends to define that role.

One of the things I most value about my submissive experience is it allows me to shed the mindset that I have to live up to and conduct myself according to a patriarchal society definition of the male role. It allows me to define masculinity on my own terms and quite frankly I don’t see submission conflicting at all with being masculine. I can be both masculine in the most positive sense of that and still find incredible meaning in offering submission to an assertive, dominant woman. As I think about, perhaps it would be a very good experience for me to be required to wear female panties. That might be just the thing to help me to continue stripping away the outdated societal expectations for the male gender and continuing my journey towards achievement of a deeper connection with my submissive nature. Do the wearing female panties make a man a sissy? I think not. I think instead of finding this practice humiliating or embarrassing, submissive men should view being made to wear panties as an opportunity for them to offer fitting tribute to the beauty, softness, and caring of the sexy dominant females we feel this common and powerful need to submit to.

At present, my Mistress does not require me to wear female panties. The shopping assignment I mentioned at the beginning was for another purpose and I wasn’t required to purchase the panties for the purpose of wearing them. But more and more I find myself intrigued by the idea of wearing panties because of the conflicting feelings it produces for me. On the one hand I find myself feeling reluctance to do it yet on the other hand there is definitely that part of me that wants to. Perhaps this is exactly the element that produces those strong feelings of the erotic and that I find satisfyingly arousing.

Sunday, April 20, 2008

At Your Service

Today my post is dedicated to sharing my report to my Mistress on my experiences with the observance of our weekly mantra…

My Dear Mistress,

For this week's mantra, as has become my habit, I began my preparations again on Saturday evening with attention to personal hygiene by freshly trimming my pubic hair and then by using a razor to shape the area in an attractive manner and to smoothly shave my scrotum.

I performed our weekly ritual this evening. I was actually very excited about the mantra performance today as it was the very first time for the panty gag. I took a nice hot shower so that I felt fresh and clean and after drying off, I put your collar on my neck and went to our special place reserved for our Sunday ritual where I knelt in my usual fashion, knees widely spread, back straight, head held eye and eyes downcast. Today I experienced the added twist of gagging myself with your panties as you had instructed. I also modified my position slightly again this week, this time placing my hands behind my head with interlocked fingers to raise the difficulty of the position just a bit. I knelt for you in honor of your authority and control over me for twenty-five minutes. After completing that portion of the mantra, I then sat down and composed my response to the topic you assigned me for this week…

Topic Assignment: “For this week's mantra I would like you to consider the non-sexual part of a D/s relationship (perhaps ours in particular?) and things that you would enjoy doing that make you submit to me, but are not at all sexual in nature.”

There are two very distinctive parts to the D/s lifestyle; sexual submission and lifestyle submission. Lifestyle submission is exactly the component you assigned me to contemplate this week because that is the part where non-sexual service comes into play. The first thought that occurred to me was the inherent limitations attendant to a strictly online D/s relationship such as that which we presently share. I do think the very reason that we have focused on the sexual submissive component thus far is because that is just much simpler to accomplish online than lifestyle submission. For example, were we involved in a real life face-to-face relationship there would be so much more that I could do for you from a service standpoint. Here are some things I imagine being able to do for you under those circumstances;

  • Provide you with non-sexual massages

  • Draw your bath and bathe you

  • Complete actual chores such as house cleaning

  • Prepare meals

  • Grocery shopping and running errands for you

  • Laundry

  • Drive you to places you wished to go

Of course since our relationship is only online, I can’t actually do those types of things for you as much as I might wish I could, however that does not relieve me of the responsibility of accomplishing those things that I can do to serve you. Here are some things that I can do for you from a service standpoint now;

  • Give you my willing and cheerful obedience at all times

  • Give you my complete attention when we chat and by carefully reading and responding to your correspondence

  • Keep any rules and rituals that you give me exactly according to your instructions
    Carry out all instructions and assignments that you give me in a timely manner completing them to the best of my ability

  • Show you my respect at all times

  • Communicate regularly my affection and devotion for you

  • Graciously accept and perform any punishment assignments you give me when I fail you

  • Assist you with your administrative duties at the Academy in whatever ways you desire and deem appropriate

  • As we recently discussed, I would like to show my devotion and affection for you by sending you small gifts (tribute) when you feel comfortable with that idea.

Willingly completing tasks given me by you as my Mistress such as the things listed above which I can perform for you now are accomplished with the intent of pleasing you and to be of actual service to you. I also receive pleasure and satisfaction came from knowing I am providing you with a needed or desired service and that you are pleased by the things I am able to offer you. This also gives me as your submissive a sense of accomplishment and great joy. You always make me feel that my small acts of service are always appreciated greatly.

Rules, rituals, instructions and assignments are things that you give to me for very important reasons. Following them brings me feelings of pride and happiness from belonging to you and remind me that you care for me. Rules are in place to keep me in line, place my heart and mind in the submissive mindset, and to make sure that I show you my respect and honor at all times. Instructions and assignments are meant to help me improve myself for you. I follow all of these so that I can present myself as a loving and obedient man for you.

When I am given rules, instructions, rituals or assignments by you, I am always excited that you felt the need to give me things to do for you, to make me available for you always. You give me a wide range of things in my life to help me to improve and grow as a submissive. Without these I would have no purpose and my goal of pleasing you would have no method. Accomplishing these things not only govern aspects of my life and behavior but also allow me to express my submission to you by following them.

With all respect,

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Of Course it’s Sexual

As I have shared, I spend a good deal of time blog reading and many of those I follow are written by dominant women and are focused on the topic of female led relationships of a variety of stripe. For some reason over the past several days I have bumped up against a rather common theme that I actually find somewhat confusing. The theme has been dominant women expressing dismay and even downright disgust at the fact that many of the submissive men they speak with seem in their opinion overly focused on the sexual aspects of submitting to a dominant female.

This leads to me to conclude that many dominant women despite what they may believe actually do not really understand male sexuality. According to published scientific study on sexuality, 85 percent of twenty to thirty year old males think about sex every 52 seconds. Is it then really a mystery that submissive men focus on the sexual aspect of submitting to a dominant female? Men are actually rather simple when it comes to sexuality. Stimulate our glans (that little patch of skin at the front of the penis just below the head) and we will quickly ejaculate. The male also has a much simpler sex drive than a woman. He simply wants to mate with any female he finds desirable. The longer he is denied sex, the stronger his desire grows. Furthermore we can get nearly the same level of satisfaction from masturbating as we do from completing a sex act with a woman.

Since within the dynamics of a female dominant, male submissive relationship it is the woman who decides if the male will be allowed to have sex with her or not, or have any sexual gratification at all for that matter, his desire for her sexually becomes linked with his desire for her approval. As he becomes more aroused sexually the desire to please her increases exponentially. Even things that are not overtly sexual like offering her willing obedience, respectful non-sexual service and giving her his complete and undivided attention and worship all speak to the sexual part of the male. A part of this I think is explained by the concept of taboo. A taboo is a strong social prohibition (or ban) against words, objects, actions, discussions, or people that are considered undesirable or offensive by a group, culture, society, or community. Just about all of us are titillated by the idea of breaking a taboo which is why many of us engage is vivid sexual fantasies where we imagine ourselves doing the most outrageous things in fantasy that we would never do in real life out of fear of rejection, fear of being ostracized or suffering legal penalty. In should be appreciated that for a male to submit to a female, is in a very real sense breaking a taboo because the submissive male is always battling the expectations placed upon him by our largely patriarchal society to act in the traditional way that society expects masculinity to be expressed; the man is dominant, the man is aggressive, the man does not express himself emotionally but is always stoic.

As a submissive man, there are five elements of submitting to a strong, assertive and dominant woman that speak powerfully to my sexual being;

  • I enjoy having a dominant female controlling my sexual activity.

  • I delight in having a dominant female deciding whether or not she will permit me to orgasm.

  • I have a deep seated and overwhelming need to please a dominant female partner without any promises, or expectation of reward.

  • In the expression of my submissiveness to a dominant female partner I feel the real and very present need to be always aware of her every need and her pleasure always takes priority over my own.

  • Forced chastity is not so much a major fetish for me as it is simply a means of experiencing a dominant female’s complete control over my sexual activity, whether or not she chooses to grant me permission to orgasm for her.

I do of course understand that D/s has two separate components, sexual submission and lifestyle submission. But both of these for the male submissive are intertwined and related because both affect and impact his sexual being. So of course D/s is sexual and that should never be a reason for dismay and certainly never a reason for disgust. My willingness as a submissive man to surrender control to a dominant, assertive female in every aspect of my life certainly includes submitting to her dominance over my penis and my sexuality, so of course my quite normal and natural focus on the sexual does not in anyway diminish her authority over me or my willingness to submit in the lifestyle areas as well.

Friday, April 18, 2008

CBT Is Not a Computer Virus

Cock and ball torture (CBT) is an activity that I find I have an attraction for even though I have yet to experience it in a meaningful way. I actually was pretty confused about exactly why I would want to experience this or find the thought of it erotic given the fact that I am not really much of a masochist and CBT is actually a pretty intense sadomasochistic practice, especially in the more intense ways it can be accomplished. For those not familiar with this activity, here is a definition excerpted from the Wikipedia online encyclopedia;

Definition: Cock and ball torture (CBT) is a sexual activity involving torture of the male genitals. This may involve directly painful activities, such as wax play, genital spanking, ball busting, genital flogging, genital bondage, urethral play, electrical play, or tickle torture. It may equally consist of the use of cock harnesses, testicle cuffs, parachutes, prolonged stimulation (teasing), metal cages, cock rings, English cages, not necessarily leading to orgasm. Erotic electro stimulation may also be used in CBT. The use of ball bags, ball stretchers, various kinds of chastity devices and the humbler can also be regarded as forms of CBT. A ball lock may be used for prolonged entrapment, providing an interesting predicament associated with not knowing when padlock will be unfastened, releasing the testicles.

This is rather comprehensive listing of the possibilities included in the universe of CBT activities offered by Wikipedia. One of the most simple forms as illustrated in the above photograph, is simply the binding of the cock and balls (genital bondage) using small diameter rope or cord. As evidence of my own attraction to this practice, I really find the change of color of the balls when tightly bound, extremely erotic and arousing. Similar to the use of urethral sounds, insertion of penis plugs is also a form of CBT, as would be the application of clamps on the cock and/or balls and the use of permanent penis jewelry after having either the shaft or the scrotum pierced.

What you ask is it that would cause a submissive man to feel an attraction for this practice, especially in the more extreme and painful forms? First I think it can be explained by the simple male fascination with his own penis, which I have already discussed at length previously in this blog. There is a good deal of excitement associated with another person focusing so much careful attention on this particularly intimate part of a male’s anatomy, even if that person is inflicting pain while doing so. Should one be given to Masochism to a much more profound degree than I am, a person who truly derives pleasure strictly from the level of pain, then enduring the torture of their genitals while experiencing CBT in its most painful machinations would be satisfying for them for the obvious reasons.

From the purely submissive perspective I actually feel that CBT appeals to me for two main reasons that are closely aligned with many other activities in which I find meaningful and intense expression of my submissive nature. Assuming a dominant woman enjoyed inflicting CBT on me, which would of course imply that she was something of a sadist, then of course I would receive emotional pleasure from the act of pleasing her by allowing her to inflict CBT on me. There is no doubt about it, I am a complete pleaser type personality and truly do derive a great deal of satisfaction and fulfillment from pleasing someone else on many levels. Also, since I enjoy being controlled by an assertive dominant woman, then there is also the gratification I would receive from CBT due to the quite obvious and overt loss of control over this rather favored and valued part of my male anatomy to a dominant woman.

Lacking a significant masochistic kink, I think I would most enjoy some of the milder forms of CBT, such as wax play, genital spanking/flogging, genital bondage, urethral play (penis plugs), cock harnesses (e.g. Gates of Hell), parachutes (ball stretchers), prolonged stimulation (teasing), cock rings and chastity devices. To date I have only experienced cock rings, self-inflicted genital spanking, genital bondage, and some degree of ball stretching by way of a crude homemade weighting apparatus. I found I definitely liked all of these although I am quite certain self-inflicted CBT is never going to approach the intensity of someone doing it to me. In addition I have just recently ordered a Gates of Hell cock harness and a beginner’s penis plug, and am anxiously awaiting the arrival of these new toys to continue my CBT education.

Talking Points:

For dominant females: Does CBT appeal to you? If so do you feel that it appeals to you from a sadist perspective (enjoyment of inflicting pain), from a control perspective, or some other reason? If CBT does not appeal, why not?

For submissive males: Does CBT appeal to you? If it does, is it for one of the reason I offered, a combination of those reasons or for some other reason entirely? If it hold no appeal for you, why? Also, for anyone who may have experienced CBT in any of its various forms please share a little from your own personal experience with it.

Thursday, April 17, 2008

Color Codes

From another blog I enjoy reading, I found a link to an interesting personality test called The Color Code which may be found at; The site offers a free basic test interpretation or you may purchase a more in depth if you choose. I completed the test out of curiosity and here I share information from my basic profile derived from the test;

My personality style was determined to be a BLUE

Motive: BLUES are motivated by intimacy. They seek to genuinely connect with others, and need to be understood and appreciated. Everything they do is quality-based. They are loyal friends, employers, and employees. Whatever or whomever they commit to is their sole (and soul) focus. They love to serve and give of themselves freely in order to nurture others' lives.

Traits: BLUES have distinct preferences and their personal code of ethics is remarkably strong and they expect others to live honest, committed lives as well. They enjoy sharing meaningful moments in conversation as well as paying close attention to special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries). BLUES are dependable, thoughtful, and analytical; but can also be worry-prone and moody. They are "sainted pit-bulls" who never let go of something or someone once they are committed. When you deal with a BLUE be sincere and make a genuine effort to understand and appreciate them.

Actually I found this remarkable because I do in introspection agree with all of the comments received in my profile. Hopefully this will allow readers to feel that they know me a bit better. It was amazing to me that such a brief test could reveal so much of what I actually see in my own personality. I encourage you to take the test and learn whether your results are equally on target.

Talking Points:

For any who take the test: Did you find the test accurately portrayed your personality style in the way you see yourself? Did you learn anything surprising from the test? I’d love it if any would care to share their own experience with the test.

Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Truth or Fiction?

One of the delightful side benefits of beginning this blog is the fact that I have come to discover the blogs of so many others who write on similar topics and themes and interest me. There are several that I read and enjoy on a regular basis. One such recently discovered blog is written by an emerging dominant female who seeks a submissive male for an authentic long-term, committed Loving Female Authority (LFA) realtionship. While catching up on some of her earlier posts, I found one that was quite intriguing. She categorized five different types of men who have responded to personal ads that she has posted during her search for a submissive male partner. Her purpose for sharing that information was a bit different than what I wish to discuss with readers today, but her article did stimulate me to think about something that I feel is worth examining. Today I am sharing with you some categories of my own, but my four categories are all types of men who claim to be submissive men. I am certain that this information will not be news for dominant females who may read this blog as I am certain that they have likely encountered all four types in their own experiences, but I find it useful to examine these types and their motivations for my own edification as it helps me to better understand my own submissive nature. First allow me to say that for some time now I have been struggling with the fact that I write at great lengths about submissive men in this blog, but I never have much to say with regards to submissive women. Today I just felt compelled to say that this should not in any way be construed as disrespect for my submissive sisters. I actually count as close friends, several lifestyle submissive women. Naturally since I am a submissive man then I think it is only natural that I focus on the male submissive experience and to be perfectly honest, I really don’t truly understand female submission and so I do not feel qualified to write about it. Yes, I do understand that there are obvious commonalities in our respective submissive experiences, yet it is just a fact that in my perspective I see women naturally in a dominant role. But please know if you are a submissive woman reading this blog, you have my deepest and sincerest respect and I know that for you submission is just as needful and meaningful as it is for me. Please note that my categories are limited to heterosexual men, the group with which I identify. And now for my categories of “submissive” men;

Type 1 - Posers, Fakers and Wannabes

This type will claim to be submissive but in reality he is not submissive at all. They pretend to be submissive but it is only a ruse designed for the purpose of persuading a dominant woman to have sex with them. He may or may not have an interest in “kinky” sex, but more often than not he does which is the reason he targets specifically dominant women rather than women in general. A very superficial degree of questioning on the part of a dominant female will usually be sufficient to disclose that this type of “submissive” man has no real knowledge of the submissive lifestyle and is only interested in getting sex.

Type 2 – Users

There is a large group of men who enjoy the erotic aspects of the “loss of control” experienced in engaging in sexual activities with dominant women. They may not even fully understand why they find being taken in hand by a strong dominant women to be so sexually arousing, but they know it appeals to them. For many of them, intercourse or any other overtly sexually stimulating acts may not even be necessary components of their interaction with dominant women. Activities like having their orgasm denied, being forced to wear female panties or lingerie, or being subjected to corporal punishment may satisfy their needs for the experience. This type may even be mistaken for a true submissive. Yet outside the erotic and the sexual, these men have no interest in submitting. He allows the woman to take charge when it comes to sex only because he wants her to fulfill his own sexual fantasies for him. As a result he actually sees himself as in control (topping from the bottom) and is simply using the female to give him what he wants. He is submissive only when it comes to the bedroom and once beyond that he intends to be in complete control. Again it is easy to identify the user by simply eliminating any sexual activity and by asking him to perform mundane service oriented activities instead. He will quickly show his true colors when he understands that his sexual fantasies are not going to be addressed. This type of “submissive” is best suited for the professional dominatrix so that he may be allowed to pay for the self-serving services he seeks.

Type 3 – Doormats

For this type submission is only a means to end. They may also appear genuinely submissive but upon closer inspection you will find them to be men who for a variety of reasons have extremely little self-respect and low self-esteem. For whatever reason they have been conditioned to feel that they are worthless or deserving of being punished. Generally this type is not only submissive to women but submissive in general and lack any assertiveness at all of discernable degree. These men are usually so submissive that is all they really have and generally are characterized by little or no personality and poor communication skills. They will frequently have no limits whatsoever and are eager to perform anything required of them. They will willingly and eagerly perform the most degrading and extreme forms of humiliation that could be imagined. They will prove unable to carry on a conversation with you beyond telling you how much they want to worship at your feet. This type is easy to identify; simply imagine the mental image that comes to mind when you think of a dog that has been abused and when you try to pet it, it cowers and wets itself.

Type 4 – Genuine Submissive

The last type represents the group of men who have come to not only understand but to embrace their submissive nature and who truly desire to offer respectful, obedient service to a dominant woman. He is comfortable with his masculinity and himself. While not prideful, he has healthy self-esteem and self-respect. He has a life and interests beyond submission but finds that aspect of himself to be meaningful and rewarding. He doesn’t submit to everyone, not even to every dominant female he meets but he truly wants a woman to be in charge of him recognizing that this makes him a better person and a better man and causes him to experience personal fulfillment. He is service oriented and truly desires to please his dominant female partner and selflessly puts her needs, wants and happiness above his own. He experiences the appeal of erotic submission but is just as happy and satisfied to engage in the lifestyle aspects of submission as well. The true submissive should be able to cogently explain why he knows he is submissive, when he first became aware of it, and why he finds submitting to be a source of fulfillment and satisfaction for him.

Obviously I do place myself squarely in Type 4 but not because I am the standard for the authentic submissive man but because I feel that I meet the standards to truthfully assert my claim.

Talking Points:

For Dominant Women: Do you agree or disagree with the categories I have offered and do you feel the information is relevant to your own experiences?