Great Expectations

Unfulfilled expectations always cause problems. Having expectations for relationships in our culture is expected. We are brought up that way. Having great expectations sounds great however when the expectation is unfulfilled, we bitch, we moan, we become disappointed. That is a problem for many people.

For example, if I expect my Mistress to dominate me in a certain way and she doesn’t do that I will most likely be disappointed. If she expects me to submit in a certain way and I fail to do so, then she will in the same way feel disappointment. A better way for a submissive to experience the fulfillment of the need to feel dominated might be to simply allow the dominant to dominate in the unique style she dominates with. My own opinions about how I “need” to be dominated in a certain way may not be a healthy need and possibly is fraught with unrealistic expectations that inevitably lead down the road of disappointment. A dominant’s need to feel submitted to in a certain way is in a similar vein. If she doesn’t for example dictate exactly what she wants and establish concrete rules for the submissive to follow that will allow her to feel submitted to and honored in a meaningful way then she really should not feel disappointed or neglected when the submissive fails.

Needs and expectations must be communicated between partners. To me the single biggest cause for disappointment when it comes to expectations is the fact that those expectations were never communicated. Careful thought to what needs must be fulfilled for you to and then presenting those needs to your partner is the only way that a healthy D/s relationship can exist. Otherwise you set the other person up for failure by expecting them to be a mind reader and then holding them accountable when they fail to live up to your expectations.

We often expect our partner to make the best choices for themselves and our relationship and when they fail in our estimation to do so we often get angry or disappointed or both. We create this problem by our non-communicated expectations.

Once we learn to identify our own individual, healthy needs, we must also learn not to be attached to the expectation of how those needs get fulfilled unless we are willing to communicate our expectations to our partner in an open and honest way. My Mistress actually gave me very few rules to observe for our trial relationship period. Actually I think she chose this because she didn’t want to burden a new submissive with an overwhelming number of rules to be held accountable for. Yet the downside of this is that I am sometimes left in the dark about what her expectations for me are within the realm of our relationship or what I might do to serve her in ways she will find meaningful. It is almost inevitable that I will as a result fail to please her in certain areas and cause her to feel disappointment.

Certainly this is far from a one-sided issue but doing my own part in the relationship, as I do a bit of introspection; I conclude that I haven’t been as open in communicating my expectations to her as I should be. It is only her natural flair for dominance I think that has enabled our relationship to be such a completely positive experience for me thus far. So today, in the interest of making my expectations known, I have decided to offer some of them here…

To feel your dominance and control I need;

• Black and white rules that spell out for me what you expect from me so that your needs as my dominant are met and that spell out for me the exact areas of my life where you want to exercise control and domination.


• Regular tasks and assignments that make me push my limits and learn to submit to you on increasingly deeper levels and that help me learn to overcome my inhibitions.


• Rules and rituals that emasculate me in the sense of requiring me to perform activities that help me to learn how to distance myself from the patriarchal definition of maleness and move closer to the true matriarchal definition inherent in the submissive man role within the context of a female led relationship.


• The experience of you trusting me to a degree commensurate with the trust I have in you. Otherwise I may feel kind of “out there” and vulnerable beyond my comfort level.


• Strict control over my orgasms and access to self pleasure. This is an area where I most acutely feel your authority and control and without it I feel adrift and dissatisfied in my submission. Denial serves to make me feel my submissive nature in a most pronounced and meaningful way.
  
  I am not attempting to top from the bottom or presuming to instruct my Mistress on how she should go about dominating me. I am only honestly sharing a few of my expectations to bring them out into the open and to offer examples of things which would meet my self-perceived needs within a D/s relationship. Hopefully this contributes to making my expectations more realistic rather than unrealistic.
  

A Time of Reflection

As I have established as my Sunday habit, in the post for today I will share my report to my Mistress on my experiences with the observance of our weekly mantra…

My Charming Mistress,

For this week's mantra, I began my preparations Saturday evening by first freshly trimming my pubic hair and then by using a razor to shape the area in an attractive manner. I then smoothly shaved my scrotum area as you permit me to do. I wanted to feel confident that I could appear as attractive as possible had you been here to conduct a personal inspection.

After waking Sunday morning, I showered so that I was fresh and clean and then put your collar on my neck and took my medium plug and lubricant to the special place reserved for our Sunday ritual. After arriving at the special corner, I lubed the plug that you required me to wear, bent forward and reached back to insert it into my bottom. Having had several days now without being plugged, my bottom felt refreshed and it required only a little coaxing to get it to accept the larger plug. I loved how submissive it felt for me to be plugged for you.

I then knelt in the corner for you, knees widely spread, back straight, head held eye and eyes downcast, with my arms resting on my knees, hands palms up. I then closed my eyes and thought about you and considered the answers I would offer you to the questions you posed. As you mentioned I have been working to extend the length of time I kneel for you in honor of your authority and control over me and this week I remained in my submissive position for thirty minutes. After completing that portion of the mantra, I then sat down and composed my answers which are offered here;

1. I want you to reflect on what a submissive's role is.

To submit, by definition means to yield oneself to the will and authority of another; to defer to or consent to abiding by the opinions and authority of another. My role as a submissive is precisely outlined by that definition. To give control of myself to someone else. To consensually participate in the power exchange inherent within a D/s relationship. It involves the giving of myself to another within the limits, arranged before hand, where I have decided for myself how far I can go and still remain within the guidelines of safe, sane, and consensual, and that have been negotiated and agreed to by my dominant.

2. What do you think is expected of submissives, and what is expected from you as my personal sub?

I feel that in general submissives are expected;

· To dedicate their lives to the happiness of their dominant and to give them their uncompromising devotion.
· To put their dominant’s pleasure, needs and desires before their own and to do so willingly and graciously without complaint.
· To obey their dominant’s rules willingly and obey their dominant’s commands immediately. To treat their dominant’s suggestions as orders.
· To never argue with their dominant. To give in to their dominant in all things. To always submit their will to the will and to the authority of their dominant.
· To devote themselves to serving their dominant, not only sexually but in every way the dominant might choose to be served.
· To perform all assignments given in a cheerful and expeditious manner.
· To ask their dominant for approval before doing anything, going anywhere or making any decision within the intent of the agreement they have made.
· To listen to their dominant attentively whenever the dominant speaks to them and to ask questions for clarification on any point not completely understood.
· To confess all of their transgressions to their dominant and to never, never lie to their dominant.
· To request punishment from their dominant when they deserve it and to willingly submit to all punishments that the dominant chooses to apply.

When I begin to contemplate what I feel you as my Mistress expect from me as your personal submissive is where the theory of submission really becomes practical. Since I have made an informed and consensual decision to submit to you then I believe you expect my unreserved and eager obedience. You are in charge and you are the boss. You may allow me to offer ideas and suggestions but with respect to our relationship you make the decisions and you hold the final veto. I believe that you expect me to be Mistress focused and to always treat you, your dominance and your authority respectfully and to have as my prime directive; pleasing, serving, and delighting you in every possible way. Always putting you first and making my own needs and wants secondary to your needs and wants. I feel that you expect me to find my enjoyment and pleasure from satisfying you at all levels. I believe that you expect me to willing obey all of your rules and the agreed upon parameters of our relationship. I think that you expect me to respond to your training in order that I might be trained to serve your specific needs and desires and become a truly service-oriented submissive and a pleasing partner to you.
I know that you expect me to be completely honest and to never lie or withhold anything from you. I feel that you expect me to acknowledge with appreciation your attention to me with respect, humility and obedience. I believe that you expect me to always clearly communicate to you my own needs as clearly as possible but to do so respectfully without making demands. Finally I think you expect me to express myself in a sincere romantic way so that our relationship remains fresh, vibrant and satisfying to you and your needs as a woman.

3. List 5 goals you hope to accomplish as my submissive in our trial 3 months.

1. To become better acquainted with you so that I might learn to know how to serve you more effectively and acquire the ability to anticipate your needs and desires.

2. To allow you to push and expand my limits so that I am willing to participate in activities that might be important to you but that I am fearful of intimidated to try.

3. To learn to be more open and vulnerable to you so that you always feel that you know me and what I need without having to try to read my mind.

4. To experience growth in my own submission and learn to experience it at every increasing depth so that I might be more pleasing to you.

5. To become so competent and proficient in serving you, obeying you and pleasing you that by the end of the trial you will see me as a valuable addition to your life so that you might be persuaded to consider a more permanent relationship once the trial period has been completed.

Mistress, I hope that you are pleased with my answers and my performance of our special time this week. The mantra continues to grow in meaning for me each week and I am always eagerly looking forward to my next opportunity to show you my devotion by performing it.

With all devotion,
CJ