Monday, March 31, 2008

What Does it Really Mean?

A Merriam-Webster definition as I see it relating to the D/s lifestyle;

sub·mit: to yield oneself to the authority or will of another; to defer to or consent to abide by the opinion or authority of another.

As a submissive I willingly and consensually cede control and authority to my dominant. My dominant then takes responsibility for that control and for making decisions within our relationship, in the areas we have negotiated and I have given my consent to give up control and relinquish power.

Being a submissive is not a choice for me nor is it a “role” I step in and out of. It is an integral part of my nature and it is how I define myself all of the time relative to my dominant and our relationship. Being a submissive is a personality trait for me and something I feel I received genetically, just as I received my maleness. In neither do I have a choice or the power to change. I tend to be by personality a person who wants to follow orders and wants to please. Of course someone might be a pleaser type without being submissive. But with me, I naturally tend to obey and please without any conscious thought involved or without any consideration of what I might get back in return from the other person. There is no sense of making a sacrifice when I perform services for my dominant in an attempt to please her. It simply makes me happy to do it.

As a submissive I derive intense physical and psychological pleasure from giving up control to my dominant. I experience intense feelings of fulfillment and affirmation from this power exchange. The gratification is derived from my constant awareness of the power roles and can be intellectual, emotional and even erotic. Submission is a need I feel so deeply that absent a dominant female in my life to submit to, I feel dissatisfied, unfulfilled and unhappy. When I have been in “vanilla” relationships and can’t express submission to my female partner I quickly become dissatisfied and unhappy and eventually I look elsewhere in hopes of finding the assertive dominant female I need who will allow me to submit.

As I have come to understand it, there are two different types of submission, lifestyle submission and erotic submission. Lifestyle submission involves things like giving up my personal rights, giving up my freedom of choice, or surrendering control over my property. I think the defining point when it comes to lifestyle submission is those areas where I relinquish control in order to please my dominant and make her happy.

The loss of control is erotic and I define erotic as anything that serves to increase sexual desire. Erotic submission is the part that involves the sexual. Submission allows the sexual and sensual part of me to bloom and helps me to shed inhibitions. As I submit and experience the eroticism of loss of control, kinks begin to surface. Kinks and fetishes are nothing more than those activities that I come to understand cause me to feel the loss of control. Bondage is an obvious example for when I am bound I am totally helpless and at the mercy of my partner. Teasing is erotic because it suggests sexual gratification but then is followed by complete withdrawal of stimulation leaving me in a state of frustrated heightened arousal. Enforced chastity is erotic for me because it serves to remind me of loss of control and power. Being controlled during sex by my partner is erotic and a gives that sense of loss of control. Being required to do things that I would not ordinarily do or request serves this same function. Erotic submission can be measured by how aroused I become and how excited that makes me to obey and to be controlled. Lifestyle submission is measured by how much I want to please my Mistress and how much I want to make her happy.

Sunday, March 30, 2008

My Weekly Sunday Mantra

Today I am sharing my weekly Sunday Mantra...

Topic assignment: “For your Sunday Mantra I want to consider what "exposed" as a word means, what that means to you. I would like you to give me at least 3 examples of being "exposed" and some of your feelings.” Source: Quote from Mistress Lily

Before beginning the actual period of meditation and introspection I consulted a dictionary to obtain the precise definition of the word. Here are definitions for both the word “expose” and “exposed.”

Main Entry: ex·pose
Function: verb

1: to reveal the true nature of.
Synonyms: uncloak, uncover, unmask
Related Words: disclose, divulge, tell, unveil
2: to make known (as information previously kept secret)
3: to make known (something abstract) through outward signs
4: to present so as to invite notice or attention

Main Entry: ex·pose
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): ex·posed; ex·pos·ing

1a: to deprive of shelter, protection, or care; subject to risk from a harmful action or condition
1b: to submit or make accessible to a particular action or influence
1c: to abandon especially by leaving in the open
2a: to make known, bring to light
2b: to disclose the faults of
3a: to cause to be visible or open to view
3b: to exhibit for public veneration
3c: to reveal the face of
3d: to engage in indecent exposure of (oneself)

Main Entry: ex·posed
Function: adjective

1: open to view
2: not shielded or protected

Source: Merriam-Webster Dictionary


As were your instructions I knelt for you at the location dedicated to observance of this weekly ritual, completely naked, wearing only your collar. I knelt with knees spread, back straight, and my hands resting on my knees palms up, head held high and eyes downcast. I took a printed copy of the definitions of expose and exposed to review as I contemplated the meaning of exposed with respect to how the term relates to me personally and to the expression of my submissive nature.

I concluded at the outset that exposed does in fact encompass both the mental and the physical aspects of me and my submission. Communication, honesty, trust, commitment and responsibility must be bywords of a D/s relationship between the partners if the relationship is to succeed. An ongoing flow of communication is essential for the survival and flowering of the relationship. There must be no secrets. As the submissive I in particular have little or no expectation of privacy and I have the responsibility to be totally open with you about my feelings. I must allow myself to be completely candid, open, honest and vulnerable with you at all times. This requires a level of trust in you that goes far beyond anything normally seen in vanilla relationships.

Feeling exposed for me as it pertains to the mental aspect then is synonymous with the term vulnerability. By answering any questions you direct to me I must be completely open, candid and honest in my answers and I must answer your questions as fully as possible holding nothing back. I must do this with the full knowledge that at times you may disagree with my opinions or even take issue with them to the extent that I incur your displeasure and invite your correction or discipline. Also continuing with the mental aspect, I am exposed in the sense of having no rights to withhold any information from you. I must share my faults, failures, needs, wants, kinks, and fantasies as you require. Being vulnerable means giving someone the power to harm either physically or emotionally; making myself assailable, risking it all, mentally, emotionally and even physically. Clearly the degree of risk that I assume when allowing myself to be vulnerable to you produces feelings of being exposed.

Exposed also carries a physical connotation for me for as your submissive I must subject myself to strictly obeying your every wish, desire or even whim as long as what you require does not violate any of my pre-disclosed core hard limits. While many of things you could require of me are not hard limits, there are still many possibilities that exist where I might be required to do some act that I do not want to do, may be fearful of doing, and may possible even loathe doing. Yet I have no choice but to swiftly obey you and carry out your commands. This is one example of the physical aspect of exposed.

Continuing with the physical aspect of exposed is basic nudity. It is your right to require that I present myself naked at any moment you might desire it. It is also your privilege to require that I allow you to see my body naked at anytime you require it, either wholly or in part. This is definitely a part of our relationship that makes me feel exposed. In our society clothing serves many purposes, not the least of which is to cover us thereby covering and minimizing physical faults or shortcomings and keeping them from view. I certainly feel exposed at these thoughts for two primary reasons. First, like many people I am not satisfied with my physical appearance right now because while I am not excessively over weight, I know I need to lose 12-15 pounds and become more fit. I know that my body would be more attractive to me and to others once I accomplish that. So feeling that I have flaws and faults, I know I would feel exposed and more self-conscious now if you required me to show you my naked body than I might feel after I have lost weight and become more fit. Also with respect to my penis, showing it to you would make me feel exposed and self-conscious. Having played sports in high school and college and having showered with other males I know that as far as size goes I am firmly in the camp of the “average.” I have seen smaller as well as larger penises than mine and the majority I have seen readily compare to mine. Yet not knowing your preference in this area because of the “fear of the unknown” I have no way of knowing if I measure up to your expectations.

That pretty much sums up my feelings about what exposed means to me. Now I turn my attention to giving three examples of things that would produce the feeling of being exposed for me. Hopefully, I was correct in assuming that you wished me to provide concrete examples of activities that would cause me to feel that.

As you are aware there are a number of submissive positions which originated with gorean practices but which have been assimilated into non-gor D/s interactions. The purpose of these positions is for the submissive to display their naked bodies is the most exposed manner possible as far as intimate parts (genitals, anus) for the inspection of their dominant. Having to assume these positions for your inspection would of course produce intense feelings of being exposed for me, because of course you would be inspecting and evaluating my nude body and its parts which to me offers the risk of displeasing you and suffering your rejection. That is my first example.

A second activity that would cause me to feel exposed would be activities termed as forced feminization and roughly encompass being required to wear makeup, feminine nail polish, feminine articles of clothing, female panties or lingerie. I grew up with three sisters, was married for good long time and have dated extensively. I can honestly say that despite a very significant part of my life being spent in close proximity to women and female things, I have never had the desire or even the slightest curiosity about experiencing what it might be like to wear things designed for females. Cross-dressing is not a personal kink of mine and any of the activities listed above would if I were required to do them cause me to feel embarrassment, humiliated and yes, exposed. But despite that here is a very good example of something that I would not ask to do or seek to do but it isn’t a hard limit for me. And having given this a great deal of thought, I believe that those very same feelings that would result would be something that would make me feel very submissive and very aroused, in part because I rather suspect that the humiliation and exposed parts of it are interwoven with certain kinks that I embrace. I wouldn’t feel submissive or aroused from the use or wear of female things but because of being forced to do it.

The third and final example I offer of an activity that would make me feel exposed would be anything that I was required to do in public which would feel kinky or naughty. It could be; having to wear bondage under my clothing, having to wear female panties or lingerie under my normal clothing, having to wear a butt plug in public, or having to be naked or masturbate. The key to the feeling exposed would be the public venue more so than the specific activities even though the environment was public but with privacy or at least a situation where there was very minimal chance of anyone seeing me perform an activity.

Mistress, hopefully you are pleased with these thoughts I have shared. As I mentioned it is my goal to spend more time each week kneeling for you to show my respect and devotion in a tangible way. This week I knelt for 25 minutes and contemplated the topic you assigned. My personal goal is to work toward being able to spend an entire hour each week on my knees for you contemplating and self-reflecting. Once I had completed the ritual for you, I then completed the short masturbation assignment you gave me. While continuing to kneel in my corner, I brought myself to an edge, waited exactly three minutes and then stroked my cock until I achieved orgasm. The orgasm was very intense and pleasurable, but more importantly it was very submissively meaningful to me because I performed it at your command for your pleasure. Thank you Mistress for permitting me to cum for you.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

Is D/s all about the Sex?

At first blush, many who read this blog may assume that my attraction as a male to the D/s, female led relationship must be due to healthy servings of kinky sexual activity especially since previously I have mentioned that both my Mistress and I belong to a BDSM forum. Anyone assuming that this is my motivation would be categorically wrong. First, not all D/s or BDSM relationships for that matter involve sex. While I admit that I am certainly no expert on the lifestyle since I am quite new to it, I have already learned that the BDSM lifestyle far and away transcends the simple notion of sexual activity. True there is some sexual involvement in the lifestyle yet I can assure you that it definitely a part and certainly not the whole.

Taking my present D/s relationship for example, my Mistress and I are involved in an online relationship and actually live a great distance away from each other. While it has been said that one should “never” say never, the possibility that we will ever physically meet face to face is beyond remote. Yet even within this type of relationship I can unequivocally say that my submissive needs are very well met and that I am able to experience very meaningful expression of my nature. My Mistress can if she so chooses and it is certainly within her rights to require me to perform acts at her command that could be defined as sexual in nature. Yet the purpose behind these requirements actually has very little if anything to do with sex or sexual gratification for either of us. We do not engage in phone sex nor do we practice cyber sex. So let me reiterate one last time that this is not at all about sex.

To further illustrate this point that sex plays a very a very small role within the dynamics of a female led D/s relationship one activity I would point to is orgasm denial. Mistress enjoys complete and unequivocal control over my sexual gratification. I am not permitted to experience orgasms without her permission. She may decide to withhold orgasms for any period of time she deems appropriate. She is never cruel or extreme about it yet she exerts sufficient control over this area that I am constantly aware of her control of this very intimate part of my being. While some might believe this would be an intolerable situation to be placed in, actually from my perspective as a submissive it is not only tolerable but actually I find it to be a meaningful and fulfilling situation. Not being allowed to orgasm accentuates my feelings of submission. The longer I go without an orgasm the more my submissive nature manifests itself in my thoughts and actions. It enhances both my attentiveness to my Mistress and helps to ensure that I do my very best in meeting her expectations that I will show her the utmost respect at all times and will treat her with the deference she deserves as the leader of our relationship. It results in my complete and cheerfully obedience to her instructions and commands. In other words I submit to her on the level that my submission remains constant in the degree in which I express it. Orgasm denial, which clearly is the very antithesis of sexual gratification, serves an important role in providing me with valuable instruction and training relevant to helping me to understand and embrace my role as my Mistress’ submissive partner. It enhances my compliance, obedience and serves the important role of male ego reduction.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Naked, exposed, vulnerable

Each Sunday Mistress requires that I perform what she terms my “Sunday Mantra.” This activity must be performed in a certain way at a specific time and place and follows a prescribed decorum. Briefly I am required to kneel while completely naked, wearing only my collar for a period of time each Sunday. During this period of time I am to contemplate a topic which my Mistress selects and assigns to me each week. After thinking and meditating on the assigned topic then I am then required to report to her my impressions and how I see the topic under consideration applying to my submissive nature and my role as her submissive companion. This ritual contains two elements that strongly trigger my submissive response, the requirement that I present myself completely naked and that I assume a kneeling position.

As adults we predominantly spend our time clothed to some degree or other unless we are preparing for bed, preparing to shower or bathe or preparing to have sex. Because of the fact that being naked is not our normal state is in my opinion why being required to present myself naked to Mistress acts as such a powerful trigger in causing me to express my submission to her. I feel utterly exposed and extremely vulnerable. Being naked is a turn on mentally as well as physically. The mere act of being naked causes me to focus on the fact that the reason for me being naked is to provide my Mistress full access to any part of me she desires whenever she desires. My Mistress isn’t required to be physically present for the nakedness to be meaningful or for the exposed and vulnerable feelings to be significant and intense for me. It is still a reminder that I belong to her and of the pleasure of serving her and pleasing her as best I can. A reminder that I have chosen freely and willing to always be available ready to provide her with what she wants when she wants it.

Kneeling is the ultimate posture of submission and surrender. While kneeling before my Mistress, legs spread, back straight, hands on my knees palms up, head raised and eyes lowered, I indicate by bodily attitude, a total submission of not only my body but also my mind, will and heart to her control. It is an exterior manifestation of the reverence inspired by her domination and my complete submission and devotion to her. This simple act of surrender solidifies on a frequent and repetitive basis her authority over me. The physical dynamic of an assertive, dominant woman commanding me to assume this subservient posture position while nude provokes for me a powerfully satisfying sense of purpose and destiny. The act of kneeling before my Mistress and demonstrating my submissive personality provokes deeply satisfying feelings of place and purpose.

The Sunday mantra has the greatest effect in helping me maintain my submissive focus. More than any other aspect of my submission or of any other type of service I may perform. Maybe because it provides both the satisfaction of serving and the pleasure of being able to fulfill her needs and desires. I love the feeling of extreme vulnerability and though naked and exposed I feel no fear just calming peace, every nerve, and every cell tingling with excitement.

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Dedicated to My Mistress Lily

Mistress and I are members of a BDSM forum and when she accepted me as her personal submissive, she required that I post an announcement in the forum to acknowledge my devotion to her before our friends and acquaintances, which I happily accomplished on March 23, 2008. I thought that since a very big reason for creating this blog was to please and honor my Mistress, I decided to repost the anoouncement here along with the photograph that Mistress instructed me to post along with it...

I have the pleasure and honour of announcing that Princess Serenity and I have entered into an agreement to unite our lives in the D/s lifestyle as Mistress and submissive. Please share with us our excitement and joy as we begin this journey together. In cheerful and sincere obedience to Her first command, I have posted a photograph here as a tangible expression of my esteem for and devotion to my Mistress Lily.

Only for Her

It is only for Her that he looks
His soul yearning to belong to Her
His body burning with fiery desire
To become a treasured possession

It is only for Her that he kneels
Drawing strength from Her acceptance
Offering all that he is or will be
Giving Her the precious gift of himself

It is only for Her that he serves
With his heart open and adoring
His whole being touched by Her presence
His eyes reflecting the joy within

It is only for Her

Mistress teach me how to serve you
Making you proud of my deeds
Teach me how to please you
And to satisfy your needs

An Introduction

As my inaugural post to launch this blog I thought perhaps I should explain a bit more about myself so that the reader might gain some insight into my perspectives and views in light of my self-definition as a submissive man. A large segment of society holds to the stereotypical views that all dominant women are leather-clad dominatrixes in high heels and that all submissive men are all wimpy, spineless, and effeminate. Nothing could be further from the truth. Beyond the realm of my personal preference for what I view as the ideal structure for a relationship with my intimate partner of choice, I hold a position in my chosen vocation where I perform a very strongly dominant role. I hold a leadership position and am a key decision maker. Previously I served in the military for many years, held a wide variety of command and staff positions and again performed in a strongly dominant role and had important decision making responsibilities. My position as a submissive in the sphere of intimate relationships allows me to step outside my normal role, leave my maleness at the door and escape from the pressure of living up to again stereotypical, macho expectations that society expects from men. This is a catharsis of sorts for me and allows me to relate to the significant female in my life in the ways that I value and find meaningful. In the same way she is empowered and draws from the relationship that which she enjoys and that fulfills her needs and desires.

Beyond the D/s component, my own personal preference is that I prefer to dutifully obey, follow, please, and serve a strong, assertive, dominant woman however and wherever it pleases her. I willingly defer to her all rights to command, to lead and train me to become her “good boy”, a treasured companion and attentive servant. I didn’t one day choose to become submissive. It’s simply biological. I was born to it and it is an essential part of my character and personality. I do respect and revere all women but being submissive does not mean I am a doormat for everyone, every woman or even every dominant woman. I submit only to that one special woman in my life and then I make pleasing her, serving her and meeting her needs my number one priority. I have not only embraced my submissive nature but I actually am quite pleased with being in touch with it and allowing in free expression.

Actually when you think about it, submitting to a woman is not really such a strange notion. Just think about how women and men relate in the vanilla world. Men may take the initiative to ask a woman for a date but who decides whether the date happens? When it comes to sex, it’s the female who chooses her sexual partners and she is also the one who decides when and if sex occurs. With respect to the institution of marriage or other types of committed relationships, especially as the relationship matures women often are the key decision makers when it comes to running the household, where shopping is done, when and what major purchases like homes are made and often how the money is spent. I am simply in my opinion an enlightened sort of man who sees and understands this and has dropped all pretenses that I am in charge of the relationship. I have no fear of allowing the woman to fill the role of leading our relationship both in and out of the bedroom. I can most happily dedicate all my efforts to the happiness of the woman in my life, give her my uncompromising devotion, put her needs, pleasure and wishes above my own, devote myself to serving her in and out of the bedroom, listen to her attentively whenever she is speaking and seek her approval before doing anything, going anywhere or spending anything. It is all so very freeing for me and it really does in my opinion simply the relationship equation.