Saturday, March 29, 2008

Is D/s all about the Sex?

At first blush, many who read this blog may assume that my attraction as a male to the D/s, female led relationship must be due to healthy servings of kinky sexual activity especially since previously I have mentioned that both my Mistress and I belong to a BDSM forum. Anyone assuming that this is my motivation would be categorically wrong. First, not all D/s or BDSM relationships for that matter involve sex. While I admit that I am certainly no expert on the lifestyle since I am quite new to it, I have already learned that the BDSM lifestyle far and away transcends the simple notion of sexual activity. True there is some sexual involvement in the lifestyle yet I can assure you that it definitely a part and certainly not the whole.

Taking my present D/s relationship for example, my Mistress and I are involved in an online relationship and actually live a great distance away from each other. While it has been said that one should “never” say never, the possibility that we will ever physically meet face to face is beyond remote. Yet even within this type of relationship I can unequivocally say that my submissive needs are very well met and that I am able to experience very meaningful expression of my nature. My Mistress can if she so chooses and it is certainly within her rights to require me to perform acts at her command that could be defined as sexual in nature. Yet the purpose behind these requirements actually has very little if anything to do with sex or sexual gratification for either of us. We do not engage in phone sex nor do we practice cyber sex. So let me reiterate one last time that this is not at all about sex.

To further illustrate this point that sex plays a very a very small role within the dynamics of a female led D/s relationship one activity I would point to is orgasm denial. Mistress enjoys complete and unequivocal control over my sexual gratification. I am not permitted to experience orgasms without her permission. She may decide to withhold orgasms for any period of time she deems appropriate. She is never cruel or extreme about it yet she exerts sufficient control over this area that I am constantly aware of her control of this very intimate part of my being. While some might believe this would be an intolerable situation to be placed in, actually from my perspective as a submissive it is not only tolerable but actually I find it to be a meaningful and fulfilling situation. Not being allowed to orgasm accentuates my feelings of submission. The longer I go without an orgasm the more my submissive nature manifests itself in my thoughts and actions. It enhances both my attentiveness to my Mistress and helps to ensure that I do my very best in meeting her expectations that I will show her the utmost respect at all times and will treat her with the deference she deserves as the leader of our relationship. It results in my complete and cheerfully obedience to her instructions and commands. In other words I submit to her on the level that my submission remains constant in the degree in which I express it. Orgasm denial, which clearly is the very antithesis of sexual gratification, serves an important role in providing me with valuable instruction and training relevant to helping me to understand and embrace my role as my Mistress’ submissive partner. It enhances my compliance, obedience and serves the important role of male ego reduction.

1 comment:

Mistress Nev said...

I totally agree that a D/s is much more than sexual gratification. I love your blog and am so happy you are finding yourself. I wish you and your mistress the best.