The Man Behind the Blog

Posting personal and intimate thoughts to a blog offers a needed and welcome outlet for recording my thoughts and experiences but in a very comfortable and secure environment of anonymity. While the world can seem a big place, it can oftentimes also seem actually quite small. For obvious reasons I may not wish for everyone who might have occasion to come across this blog to be able to connect it with me personally. My journey into D/s and my exploration of my submissiveness are very personal issues which I keep separate from my public life.

That being said, after reading something similar to what I am writing about today, as host of this blog I felt a need for greater transparency about me, the man behind this blog, and what I'm about. Given the rather narrow focus I have adopted thus far in my previous posts I would like the readers to see me more as a total person and perhaps that might make this all a bit more interesting to read. So in the interest of more clarity about who I am, not only as a submissive man but as a person, I have sort of “interviewed” myself and offered here today some answers to questions that at least I imagined people might like to ask and that might be of general interest to anyone who would care to know me a bit better. If I've left off something that is of interest to anyone, please let me know and I will try to answer your questions.

Personal Bio:

I will begin with a little more about me, the person. I am a single white male, 46 years old, with no dependents, but I do have two adult children from my past marriage. I am the eldest of four siblings with loving parents who are still married and retired. As mentioned I was married once for a good long time but have now been divorced for many years. I have often considered the question; Would I want to get married again? Yes, I think I would like to experience marriage again at some point but as you might surmise if you have followed my blog, I would only wish to be married to a dominant woman who shared my desire for a female led relationship with a matriarchal dynamic. I am not actively seeking such a relationship right now because I am honestly very satisfied with the relationship I enjoy with my current Mistress, even though it is a distance relationship and due to a number of factors, she is not available to me as a real time partner. I do date casually in the vanilla sense but I am not involved in an intimate relationship at present. But were I to find an interested, confident and strong, naturally dominant female who could embrace my submissive instincts, desires and personality, then I could definitely find a sincere interest in engaging in a committed relationship. I do like kids and I enjoy being a father, a responsibility I take very seriously. But at my age I would not be interested in fathering children but would of course be accepting of children that a prospective partner might have. I had a very normal and happy childhood myself, which I am very grateful to my parents for providing me. My parents were quite strict with me but I never doubted that I was loved and that was important. I grew up in a small Midwestern town and come from a middle class background. At present I live in a large metropolitan area which I like a great deal because I love the easy availability of the many recreational and dining opportunities available to one living in a large urban area.

Physical Stats:

I am 5’-9” and pretty much height/weight proportionate, although I could stand to lose a few pounds. For most of my life I have been very active and have participated in regular fitness pursuits with the exception of the last couple of years. I have been for much of my life a long distance runner and have regularly competed in long distance races. I have since the age of 36, completed six 26.2 mile marathon races. Two years ago I suffered a very severe muscle tear while training and though I have now fully recovered, I have really had a hard time finding the motivation to work out and run regularly as had been my previous habit. I am hoping to correct that however and have just recently started a new fitness regimen that I plan to stick with and hopefully in the not too distant future I will back to racing again. I have moderate body hair, more than I like actually, and while naturally I had very dark brown hair, I have the salt and pepper look now and am balding on top. I keep my hair cut very short and conservatively as I think that is the best look once you begin loosing your hair. I wear a size 9 shoe of average width. As far as my overall looks, I try to dress stylishly in keeping with my age. Women have at times told me that I was handsome but I personally consider myself to be of average looks. I try to eat a healthful diet but I am not a vegetarian and I always get enough sleep. I am comfortable with who I am physically but understand the need to give more attention to getting back into shape and not letting things slide. I practice good personal hygiene and I am in excellent health.

Submission/Sex:

I am straight as far as sexual orientation and I have no bi-sexual tendencies or interests. I do enjoy having intercourse with a female I care about but I don’t engage in casual sex. If I were in a real life relationship with a dominant woman and she wanted me to “take the lead” in the bedroom, I would be willing and able to do that to please her as long as it was understood that she was the dominant partner. As far as D/s I don’t see myself as a switch and I don't “top from the bottom.” If I were forced to choose between being allowed to use only my penis or only my tongue for sex, I would definitely choose my tongue. I absolutely adore and crave pleasuring a woman orally as for me, that really defines what sex is all about; devoted dedication to the orgasmic pleasure of my female partner. Even in my vanilla relationships, I have always given top priority to her pleasure over mine. I simply love pleasing a woman and that is what brings me pleasure. If she wants intercourse then of course I am okay with that but I adore a woman who likes receiving respectful and attentive oral sex and I will offer it for as long as she wants it. As far as intercourse goes, my favorite lovemaking position assuming I am given a choice is as you might imagine, “woman on top”. I love this position because it allows me to give attention to her breasts, tummy, hips and clit yet it gives her complete control over angle, thrust and pace. The last time I had sex as much as I hate to admit it was almost ten months ago and was a “friends with benefits” thing. I do masturbate of course but at present the frequency and the decision on whether I am allowed to orgasm is totally under the control of my Mistress. I do enjoy this however as the restriction of my orgasms serves to make them even more intense and pleasurable. I love the anticipation and having to wait for the release.

Fun/Leisure:

I have a wide variety of interests and there are lots of things I enjoy doing to relax and have fun. I love to travel and have been fortunate that I have had the opportunity to do a good bit of it during the past several years. Right now I am in the midst of planning a vacation to Europe where I will be traveling to this Fall. I also enjoy just getting away and driving someplace for the weekend. Again I am fortunate to be located in an area where there are many different interesting and fun places to visit within a few hours distance by car. I really enjoy seeing new places but of course there are also old favorites that I visit again and again. I really love running although I have not been doing enough of it lately. I competed in track in both my high school and college years, running middle distances. Later during my military years I tried longer distances eventually leading me to compete in 5K, 10K and ultimately marathon races. That is really something I want to get back into doing as I have truly missed the competition and camaraderie of the running culture. I love to read and have very eclectic tastes in books, but I’d say my favorite books are biographies, historical works and classic novels. My favorite novel of all time is To Kill a Mockingbird. I am friendly and open to meeting new people but I have only about half a dozen close friends at any given time. I do enjoy going out to dinner or to catch a movie with friends whenever I can. I do enjoy movies and especially like older films. My favorite movie ever is Casablanca. A new interest that I acquired recently is backpacking and I have made several backpacking trips both with friends and solo. I really love and appreciate the outdoors. I do enjoy fishing occasionally but I am not into hunting. I am just now giving some thought to learning how to rock climb and plan to try that very soon. Eventually I think I might even like to try a bit of alpine climbing. Investing is another passion for me and I enjoy it for a lot of reasons other than simply for the profit potential. I can just enjoy sitting down and reading a bunch of financial statements and then pick stocks of interesting companies that I’d like to invest in.

Work/Professional:

I am employed full-time and a degreed professional. I am financially stable and don’t have to think twice before adding a book, CD or DVD to my collections. As far as what I do specifically for a living, I have to maintain a separation between what I do professionally and this blog simply because there is a good deal of misinformation and misunderstanding about D/s and I am not confident my personal proclivities would be received in a positive light by my employer and professional associates. Some people are fortunate enough to meld their professional and private lives, but unfortunately I am not. I live I think pretty modestly but only because I enjoy saving and investing for the future. I will never be rich but I anticipate a comfortable retirement and hope to further indulge my passion for travel when my work years are behind me. I drive a Jeep which is my vehicle of choice and a 4x4 works well with my new interest, backpacking.

So there you have it, a glimpse into my life as a single, sincere, and submissive man. As mentioned previously, if you have questions I haven't answered, do feel free to email or post a comment and I will try to answer them.

Vanilla Anyone

It’s double post Wednesday I guess because I feel compelled to share this. Recently I was talking with a dominant female friend of mine who is active in the local BDSM club scene. She has a vanilla boyfriend and now that they have become serious he is having a bit of a hard time accepting her continued involvement in the lifestyle. She shared with me that…

“I am having a hard time getting him to understand the role, beliefs, and behaviors of a submissive man. He can understand how a woman would submit but he seems to keep thinking that male submissives are only in it for the sexual aspect of it. He can’t separate sexual fantasies from actually being sub. He has insecurities and he is trying very hard to be open and learn more about the lifestyle. He was well aware of my kinks and beliefs prior to us seriously dating and I guess he thought I was going to give it up once we got serious. I want him to understand the lifestyle and be okay with me participating even if he isn’t interested.”

She went on to say that she doesn’t expect him to become her sub as she can satisfy her dominant needs through the local scene where she plays but she wants him to understand the dynamics from a male submissive point of view to ease his insecurities. She wants to preempt problems from occurring in their relationship as a result of her filling what is an important need for her and an expression of her nature. She asked to allow him to contact me directly to ask questions and see if he might gain some insight into what being a submissive man is really about.
Obviously I am flattered that she would choose me as someone she trusted to talk with her boyfriend about an issue important to their relationship, yet I am wondering exactly what I can say to him. Obviously since I am a submissive man I “get it” because I feel it and understand that aspect of my nature. But that’s just the thing, it’s a feeling thing not a knowledge thing. I can impart to him my beliefs and philosophies and explain how submitting makes me feel but he can’t feel that through me. So will sharing my perspective really help him understand?

Herein I think lays a major problem with what I shared about earlier this week about the question of whether there is a shortage of dominant women for submissive males to submit to or a shortage of authentic submissive males who really want to submit. I know from my own experiences, I have in the past sometimes felt lonely and got involved in relationships with vanilla females only to find every time that after a while I become disenchanted, unhappy and I invariably lose interest and start again to search for the assertive, dominant female I know will be the answer to my needs. The last serious relationship I was involved in was with a truly remarkable woman. She had a terrific body and I felt extremely attracted to her physically. We had so many interests in common and yes, the sex was seriously the best I have ever had. She wasn’t in the least interested in the D/s scene and I never pressed the issue with her, but if she were I have no doubt she would be submissive. In the bedroom she wanted her man to take her and use her in a totally dominant way. For a time I was able to do that but I was only filling a role and it was never something I found terribly exciting or arousing. Soon I had those same old feelings of feeling unsatisfied, unfulfilled and unhappy, so we broke off the relationship. Even though it isn’t the easiest thing in the world for a submissive to find a dominant or for a dominant to find a submissive, perhaps it simply opens up a whole new set of problems when we in the lifestyle settle with getting intimately involved with vanilla people. Is it really fair to them for us to expect them to explore D/s because it is a need for us or expect them to allow us to be with them but scratch our D/s itch outside the relationship?

Is D/s all about the Sex?

At first blush, many who read this blog may assume that my attraction as a male to the D/s, female led relationship must be due to healthy servings of kinky sexual activity especially since previously I have mentioned that both my Mistress and I belong to a BDSM forum. Anyone assuming that this is my motivation would be categorically wrong. First, not all D/s or BDSM relationships for that matter involve sex. While I admit that I am certainly no expert on the lifestyle since I am quite new to it, I have already learned that the BDSM lifestyle far and away transcends the simple notion of sexual activity. True there is some sexual involvement in the lifestyle yet I can assure you that it definitely a part and certainly not the whole.

Taking my present D/s relationship for example, my Mistress and I are involved in an online relationship and actually live a great distance away from each other. While it has been said that one should “never” say never, the possibility that we will ever physically meet face to face is beyond remote. Yet even within this type of relationship I can unequivocally say that my submissive needs are very well met and that I am able to experience very meaningful expression of my nature. My Mistress can if she so chooses and it is certainly within her rights to require me to perform acts at her command that could be defined as sexual in nature. Yet the purpose behind these requirements actually has very little if anything to do with sex or sexual gratification for either of us. We do not engage in phone sex nor do we practice cyber sex. So let me reiterate one last time that this is not at all about sex.

To further illustrate this point that sex plays a very a very small role within the dynamics of a female led D/s relationship one activity I would point to is orgasm denial. Mistress enjoys complete and unequivocal control over my sexual gratification. I am not permitted to experience orgasms without her permission. She may decide to withhold orgasms for any period of time she deems appropriate. She is never cruel or extreme about it yet she exerts sufficient control over this area that I am constantly aware of her control of this very intimate part of my being. While some might believe this would be an intolerable situation to be placed in, actually from my perspective as a submissive it is not only tolerable but actually I find it to be a meaningful and fulfilling situation. Not being allowed to orgasm accentuates my feelings of submission. The longer I go without an orgasm the more my submissive nature manifests itself in my thoughts and actions. It enhances both my attentiveness to my Mistress and helps to ensure that I do my very best in meeting her expectations that I will show her the utmost respect at all times and will treat her with the deference she deserves as the leader of our relationship. It results in my complete and cheerfully obedience to her instructions and commands. In other words I submit to her on the level that my submission remains constant in the degree in which I express it. Orgasm denial, which clearly is the very antithesis of sexual gratification, serves an important role in providing me with valuable instruction and training relevant to helping me to understand and embrace my role as my Mistress’ submissive partner. It enhances my compliance, obedience and serves the important role of male ego reduction.

Dedicated to My Mistress Lily

Mistress and I are members of a BDSM forum and when she accepted me as her personal submissive, she required that I post an announcement in the forum to acknowledge my devotion to her before our friends and acquaintances, which I happily accomplished on March 23, 2008. I thought that since a very big reason for creating this blog was to please and honor my Mistress, I decided to repost the anoouncement here along with the photograph that Mistress instructed me to post along with it...

I have the pleasure and honour of announcing that Princess Serenity and I have entered into an agreement to unite our lives in the D/s lifestyle as Mistress and submissive. Please share with us our excitement and joy as we begin this journey together. In cheerful and sincere obedience to Her first command, I have posted a photograph here as a tangible expression of my esteem for and devotion to my Mistress Lily.

Only for Her

It is only for Her that he looks
His soul yearning to belong to Her
His body burning with fiery desire
To become a treasured possession

It is only for Her that he kneels
Drawing strength from Her acceptance
Offering all that he is or will be
Giving Her the precious gift of himself

It is only for Her that he serves
With his heart open and adoring
His whole being touched by Her presence
His eyes reflecting the joy within

It is only for Her

Mistress teach me how to serve you
Making you proud of my deeds
Teach me how to please you
And to satisfy your needs