The Power of Nudity

To me one of the most interesting and powerful aspects of submission is the incorporation of forced nudity into the dynamics of a female led relationship. I am not a nudist or naturalist so prior to my initiation into the D/s scene, being unclothed is something that had always been reserved for times when I was changing clothes to prepare for a different activity, bathing or having sex. Pretty much the rest of my life has involved wearing clothing.

Nudity is closely associated with sexuality in our culture and from childhood most of us were taught that a significant level of body modesty is expected. In an effort to impart the importance of modesty, for many of us our parents perhaps unintentionally also managed to condition us to associate feelings of shame with nudity. As a result nudity for me except under very narrowly defined conditions is a pretty uncomfortable experience. One euphemism for the embarrassing state of nakedness is “exposed” and in times past I have felt exposed and embarrassed in situations where I was is involuntarily caught undressed.

Once each week, my Mistress requires me to complete a standard ritual and as a part of that ritual I must be completely naked, wearing only the collar that symbolizes her ownership and control. While albeit not quite as intense an experience as it would be if I had to perform the ritualized nudity in her actual presence, still this requirement for complete nudity does produce some pretty powerful feelings for me, most notably, feelings of vulnerability and exposure. Because of the feelings I experience when forced to be naked I do have a clear understanding of why forced nudity is an integral part of the dominance/submissive experience.

Forced nudity is a means of subjugation, and one person’s subjugation is another’s empowerment. Forced nudity produces feelings of humiliation and humiliation is as a tool that serves to emphasize a submissive’s sense of being controlled. While our society has conditioned us through art and media feel okay with the idea of nude women we as men get a little nervous about the idea of nude men. According to Elayne Rapping, a professor of women's studies and media studies at the State University of New York, Buffalo, depictions of fully clothed men with nude women in classic paintings has been occurring since the 17th and 18th centuries. In modern times, full frontal nudity of females has also become a norm even in mainstream films. It seems normal for women to parade around au naturel, but men just don’t. Exposing our male "secret parts" as a result seems abnormal or taboo as this is just not as routine to us as is female nudity. In aboriginal cultures where nudity is commonplace and accepted, men still generally cover their genitals because as all men have had to occasion to learn at some point, due to the exposed nature of our genitals, covering them protects them from harm. To have our genitals completely uncovered and exposed caused us intense feelings of vulnerability.

Another issue I think that forced nudity causes for us as men is to reveal his private parts, a man is reduced to the position that women have traditionally been reduced to as a part of patriarchal society’s oppression which is to be examined, to be judged and that's a scary thing for men. When a man is flaccid it's not a very virile thing. When a man is sexualized or objectified through forced nudity it calls into question the whole “male dominance” idea we have been conditioned to accept. Also, for many men, physical modesty is the last shred of pride as clothing protects us from intimate scrutiny. Clothing expresses and symbolizes authority and dominance, so when we are forced to be naked by our female partner it powerfully “puts us in our place” and reminds us of our submission. Since ancient times, ritualized, ceremonial nudity has been evidence of a submission, resignation, an appeal for forgiveness and a sign of respect for our betters.

The idea of nudity and the notion of vulnerability apply in various absences of clothing and degrees of exposing the bare skin of intimate parts. Thus we can feel naked without being completely nude, as when female dominants require men to dress only in female panties. This submissive “uniform” can produce in us the same feelings of humiliation, exposure and vulnerability as when we are made to be completely naked. Nakedness (full or partial) is also often used as a part of a corporal punishment (spanking) to enhance the feelings of imposed humiliation. There is something very submissive about having to be partially or completely nude for a punishment and it causes men to feel their submission so much more completely than the spanking alone can do.

Nudity like submission shares an important commonality, exposure. When we acquiesce to forced nudity at the hands of a dominant, we reveal a lot more about ourselves than simply our exposed body parts, we reveal our submission. Through the forced or mandatory condition of being without clothes, we humble ourselves before our Mistress. This gives us an understanding of humiliation and its place in D/s relationships, the word “humiliation” comes from the word “humility”. The feelings of vulnerability that nakedness can produce should not be underestimated. The experience of forced nakedness triggers our submission. The mere fact that a woman is exerting this degree of control translates into something sexual. In our society, the sexual arena is typically ruled by the males of our species but now it becomes the place of power for the female. The female, once thought of as the “weaker sex” becomes the stronger of the two. A mutual exchange of power takes place. Our maleness becomes her tool by which to exert her own special brand of control over us. Our masculinity is mocked. The dominant female recognizes and uses this place as her pedestal in which to stand above us. It is from this vantage point that she can begin to exert her control over us. We give this to her willingly. Humiliation and objectification are often closely entwined; through the use of forced nudity the female makes the case for; “I own you, so then I can do whatever I please with you.” Being humiliated, even mildly, acts as a reinforcement of our submissive position. The mere act of being naked, and knowing the reason for being naked is to provide our dominant female partner full access to any part of us, whenever she desires and she doesn't even have to be physically present. Our nakedness is still a reminder that we belong to her and of the pleasure that comes in serving her.

The idea of obediently kneeling naked, exposed, and vulnerable in the presence of a fully clothed, dominant female turns me on to no end. A part of that is the idea of being subjected to the scrutiny and evaluation of a woman with complete control over me. Naked and on my knees is a good position, completely silent as I await her commands. I enjoy the feeling of powerlessness and defenselessness evoked from being nude in front of or for the benefit of my Mistress. My submission naturally grows from that and I wish to take it to its full level until I am stripped of all my inhibitions and feel her ownership of me completely.

The Submissive Knight

Recently I received this response to post I made on another blog from a dominant women who I have come to develop great respect and admiration for. I am using her response here to make a point or two but since I haven’t asked her permission in advance I am not going to reveal the person or the blog but simply reproduce her comments here…

“I want to thank Joe for posting and the wonderful well thought out contribution to the blog. He is a smart and very strong willed man who has freely given himself to the women in his life. As a girl you can't help but to think what would it be like to be held in his strong arms. I am sure that he knows how to please his Mistress on many levels. As a submissive man he is more of the knight than the slave. If it were not for wanting to please the female in his life, I have a feeling he could actually be very dominant. I have a feeling Joe is dominant with other men.”

Actually, I can’t stress enough how amazingly insightful I find this woman to be because she so clearly sensed, perhaps intuitively my nature from simply a few paragraphs of prose that I contributed to a topic under discussion. I do like to think I am somewhat intelligent but not in a prideful sort of way. I spent a good deal of money obtaining what I believe was a quality education from a respected institution of higher learning. Additionally, due to my age I have a good bit of life experience from which to draw and I like to think I’ve learned some valuable lessons along the way. And she was right on target with her assumption that I do tend to be quite dominant in the way I relate to other people in my public life and have always seemed to gravitate towards positions of employment where I am cast in a very dominant role. I like to think I have some natural abilities as a leader and the U. S. Army did expend a good deal of time and resources polishing me into a tactically and technically proficient combat unit leader. In fact since “submissive” has a rather negative, milk toast connotation for members of society in general, I seriously doubt that you would be able to find anyone who knows me in a public sense that would characterize me as submissive. Finally she clearly observed it seemed, my willingness and sincere desire to submit in my private intimate relationships to a strong, dominant female personality. I see the submissive part of my nature not so much as defining me as a person but more so as making a positive contribution to the whole. And her opinion that she considered me more of a knight than a slave with respect to my submissive expression is something that after giving it considerable thought, I found myself in agreement with.

Submissive men come from all walks of life, from every stripe and flavor. Submission cuts across all boundaries or race, ethnicity, age and sexual orientation. While I may consider myself to be of the “knightly” bent, I hasten to add that in no way do I consider this superior in any sense to those submissive men who find it meaningful and choose to offer their submission in a different way. Some submissive men are as I characterize myself, very masculine in the traditional sense and quite comfortable and secure in their masculinity. Others are softer, even effeminate to a degree and I think that has just as much value because they are being the person they are and expressing themselves as real. That is great because to me diversity is the one thing that makes life such an interesting journey. It is also convenient because I have met just as many authentic dominant women who prefer the softer, less overtly male, more effeminate type of submissive man as those I have met who have a preference for the more typically masculine type. Definitely both types of submissive men are needed and should be valued. Obviously, I have very much simplified this by drawing a comparison between two extremes, because along the full submissive male continuum, one would find lots of varied personalities and blends of the two extremes I have compared.

To me there is nothing wrong with being masculine, and I do in fact strongly self-identity myself that way. I simply choose to depart from the traditional patriarchal society definition of what it means to be and act as a man. I do not at all and in fact condemn any notion that being male means that I am superior to women by virtue of the fact that nature has arbitrarily chosen to bestow me with a penis between my legs, that I should dominate women, that I should sexually objectify women, that I should treat women rudely or disrespectfully, or that I should not take them and their opinions seriously. In fact I have always revered, respected and admired females and the important contributions they make to society which I myself have been blessed to benefit from. I do not submit to every female, not even to ever dominant female, yet I honor and defer to each and every one of them. As a male of straight sexual orientation it is quite normal and natural that I find the female body attractive and exciting but that does not mean I should use that as an excuse to view the female body as an object which serves only the singular purpose of an ends to a means of my personal sexual gratification. There is so much more to a woman than that. Considering my mother, my sisters, my daughters and my close female friends, I could not hope to even come close to making the kind of positive impact and contributions to the world that they make routinely as women.

Submission to me is a means by which I can express both in tangible and intangible ways my honest and sincere admiration and respect for the female sex. A strong, dominant female both in and out of the bedroom is my ideal as the quintessential intimate relationship partner. Serving a dominant female both sexually and non-sexually and pleasing her in exactly the way she wants to be pleased, provides me with indescribably joy, pleasure and meaning.

Yes, as I think of it, I do see the rightness of the analogy between the knight and the submissive man. Consider this excerpt from the Charge Given to the Arthurian Knights and see if you, as I do, can easily pick out the similarities.

“God make you a good man and fail not of beauty. The Round Table was founded in patience, humility, and meekness. Thou art never to do outrageousity, nor murder, and always to flee treason, by no means to be cruel, and always to do ladies, damsels, and gentle women succor. Also, to take no battles in a wrongful quarrel for no law nor for no world's goods.

Thou shouldst be for all ladies and fight for their quarrels, and ever be courteous and never refuse mercy to him that asketh mercy, for a knight that is courteous and kind and gentle has favor in every place. Thou shouldst never hold a lady or gentle woman against her will.

Thou must keep thy word to all and not be feeble of good believeth and faith. Right must be defended against might and distress must be protected. Thou must know good from evil and the vain glory of the world, because great pride and bobauce maketh great sorrow. Should anyone require ye of any quest so that it is not to thy shame, thou shouldst fulfill the desire.

Thou shouldst not fail in these things: charity, abstinence and truth. Therefore be a good knight and so I pray to God so ye may be…”

The knights of old were skilled in the art of falconry, adept at arms, fearless in battle, generous and loyal, yet even for them the woman was both predictor and precipitator of the knight's ultimate fulfillment. The good knight accepted that without question and yielded to it immediately; recognizing his rite of passage into manhood was afforded him only by a woman. The same it seems to me is true of the submissive man as our greatest and highest potential as a man can only be realized through obedient submission to a dominant female.

Give and Take

Something my Mistress recently wrote motivated me to write about this particular topic today concerning the give and take aspects of a successful D/s relationship. While the submissive male should, and rightfully so I believe, place his Mistress upon a proverbial pedestal out of respect, admiration and adoration of her as an assertive, dominant woman, I do also clearly understand that within the dynamics of a D/s relationship, both bring positive contributions to the table for the benefit of the other. It’s simply a matter of a mathematical equation so to speak. One functioning dominant plus one functioning submissive equals a D/s relationship. Without the one there would really be little point to the existence of the other. I also believe that my submission and her dominance need to be nurtured regularly with rituals and acts of domination and of submission so that we both can experience growth in our respective roles.

Obviously, I am much more qualified to speak on the subject of submission than to speculate about what it may be like from the perspective of a dominant woman and to guess at exactly what activities nurture her dominance and satisfy her dominant needs. So rather than speculate about that which I don’t know, I will confine myself to speaking about that part I do know from personal experience. A submissive male needs a Mistress to regularly push his submissive buttons to help him maintain consistent submission. Submission is in part a mental condition and to be maintained frequent reminders of his commitment to his Mistress are needed. Try as we might it is difficult for us to constantly maintain a focus on always putting our Mistress’ needs first not withstanding the fact that at the center of our submissive male hearts is the desire to please. Even a submissive male’s “macho attitude” can sometimes rear its ugly head unless our Mistress makes it her goal to keep our minds sharply focused on our submission to her and her happiness. Sharing activities that signify our male surrender affirm her female superiority and I think are essential to the long term success of a D/s relationship. In turn these activities affirm for the submissive man that the source of his pleasure is principally derived from serving and adoring his Mistress. This helps him to keep the right mental attitude and also enhances the erotic tension within the relationship.

A female led D/s lifestyle relationship, contains these important elements, an exchange of power, male submission, obedience and control. With these integrated ingredients a couple preserves a balanced relationship and are happy and fulfilled people and can achieve long lasting intimacy. While my Mistress and I are both still learning our respective roles I think we are both growing and consequently we are allowing our relationship to evolve naturally. One thing I feel that my Mistress seems to intuitively understand is that ensuring that I belong to her mentally is the foundation on which our relationship is built as we engage more often in more mental type pursuits rather than physical ones simply due to the character of our relationship, which is an online based distance relationship. She does, in my opinion, a very effective job of bringing creative techniques to bear which remind me of my submissive role and that help keep our relationship fresh and vibrant.

There are many techniques and practices she uses, buttons she pushes to help me maintain focus and help me to maintain consistent submission. Rituals, assignments and the use of mild humiliation are tools she uses which help keep my mind and actions focused on pleasing her. While she hasn’t yet found it necessary to discipline me, she very effectively holds forth the specter of potential discipline so that I take very seriously the fact that she would not hesitate to employ that tool at any time she felt that I needed to sharpen my Mistress pleasing skills. Another very effective method she employs is through effectively projecting herself to me as a caring, loving, and nurturing female authority figure. While she has me convinced that she will not hesitate to punish wrong doings on my part severely, she also liberally gives me mental hugs and kisses, praise and encouragement, all of which serve to stir my submissive nature and keep me focused on serving and pleasing her.

Much of what I have shared thus far accentuates the mental aspects but she is also adept at interjecting the necessary physical components as well. She regularly sends me written communications that mention my submissive behavior and she addresses me as “her” sub, pet, naughty one, etc., all terms that help me focus both on her ownership and my submission. She encourages me in writing this blog which serves as a journal of sorts in which I record my thoughts and submissive feelings. She also comments on what I write frequently so that I am aware of the fact that she reads my blog and considers it an important part of our relationship. She also devises creative physical assignments for me to perform which help keep me sexually aroused and at times pleasingly frustrated. The most amazing discovery I have made thus far as far as the physical part of our relationship is that she has a talent for keeping me high on an ascending arousal plateau for long periods of time. Even when she gives me an assignment that allows me to masturbate to orgasm, shortly after I climax, already my arousal is again building once again so that I always have this richly rewarding feeling of always being left wanting more. Despite the fact she is new to exercising her dominant side, I truly find my Mistress has a rich natural talent for helping me to remain focused, vibrantly submissive and sexually aroused with all the ways she so deftly combines the tools at her disposal to wield her powerful female dominance and make me feel and experience it in very realistic ways. I can only hope that my efforts at offering my sincere submission, service and obedience to her, help to fuel and empower her dominance in a hopefully similar effective manner.

Talking Point: Do you believe both the domiant and submissive contribute equally to the relationship or do you feel that one or the other contributes more to its success?

Vanilla Anyone

It’s double post Wednesday I guess because I feel compelled to share this. Recently I was talking with a dominant female friend of mine who is active in the local BDSM club scene. She has a vanilla boyfriend and now that they have become serious he is having a bit of a hard time accepting her continued involvement in the lifestyle. She shared with me that…

“I am having a hard time getting him to understand the role, beliefs, and behaviors of a submissive man. He can understand how a woman would submit but he seems to keep thinking that male submissives are only in it for the sexual aspect of it. He can’t separate sexual fantasies from actually being sub. He has insecurities and he is trying very hard to be open and learn more about the lifestyle. He was well aware of my kinks and beliefs prior to us seriously dating and I guess he thought I was going to give it up once we got serious. I want him to understand the lifestyle and be okay with me participating even if he isn’t interested.”

She went on to say that she doesn’t expect him to become her sub as she can satisfy her dominant needs through the local scene where she plays but she wants him to understand the dynamics from a male submissive point of view to ease his insecurities. She wants to preempt problems from occurring in their relationship as a result of her filling what is an important need for her and an expression of her nature. She asked to allow him to contact me directly to ask questions and see if he might gain some insight into what being a submissive man is really about.
Obviously I am flattered that she would choose me as someone she trusted to talk with her boyfriend about an issue important to their relationship, yet I am wondering exactly what I can say to him. Obviously since I am a submissive man I “get it” because I feel it and understand that aspect of my nature. But that’s just the thing, it’s a feeling thing not a knowledge thing. I can impart to him my beliefs and philosophies and explain how submitting makes me feel but he can’t feel that through me. So will sharing my perspective really help him understand?

Herein I think lays a major problem with what I shared about earlier this week about the question of whether there is a shortage of dominant women for submissive males to submit to or a shortage of authentic submissive males who really want to submit. I know from my own experiences, I have in the past sometimes felt lonely and got involved in relationships with vanilla females only to find every time that after a while I become disenchanted, unhappy and I invariably lose interest and start again to search for the assertive, dominant female I know will be the answer to my needs. The last serious relationship I was involved in was with a truly remarkable woman. She had a terrific body and I felt extremely attracted to her physically. We had so many interests in common and yes, the sex was seriously the best I have ever had. She wasn’t in the least interested in the D/s scene and I never pressed the issue with her, but if she were I have no doubt she would be submissive. In the bedroom she wanted her man to take her and use her in a totally dominant way. For a time I was able to do that but I was only filling a role and it was never something I found terribly exciting or arousing. Soon I had those same old feelings of feeling unsatisfied, unfulfilled and unhappy, so we broke off the relationship. Even though it isn’t the easiest thing in the world for a submissive to find a dominant or for a dominant to find a submissive, perhaps it simply opens up a whole new set of problems when we in the lifestyle settle with getting intimately involved with vanilla people. Is it really fair to them for us to expect them to explore D/s because it is a need for us or expect them to allow us to be with them but scratch our D/s itch outside the relationship?

Dedicated to My Mistress Lily

Mistress and I are members of a BDSM forum and when she accepted me as her personal submissive, she required that I post an announcement in the forum to acknowledge my devotion to her before our friends and acquaintances, which I happily accomplished on March 23, 2008. I thought that since a very big reason for creating this blog was to please and honor my Mistress, I decided to repost the anoouncement here along with the photograph that Mistress instructed me to post along with it...

I have the pleasure and honour of announcing that Princess Serenity and I have entered into an agreement to unite our lives in the D/s lifestyle as Mistress and submissive. Please share with us our excitement and joy as we begin this journey together. In cheerful and sincere obedience to Her first command, I have posted a photograph here as a tangible expression of my esteem for and devotion to my Mistress Lily.

Only for Her

It is only for Her that he looks
His soul yearning to belong to Her
His body burning with fiery desire
To become a treasured possession

It is only for Her that he kneels
Drawing strength from Her acceptance
Offering all that he is or will be
Giving Her the precious gift of himself

It is only for Her that he serves
With his heart open and adoring
His whole being touched by Her presence
His eyes reflecting the joy within

It is only for Her

Mistress teach me how to serve you
Making you proud of my deeds
Teach me how to please you
And to satisfy your needs

An Introduction

As my inaugural post to launch this blog I thought perhaps I should explain a bit more about myself so that the reader might gain some insight into my perspectives and views in light of my self-definition as a submissive man. A large segment of society holds to the stereotypical views that all dominant women are leather-clad dominatrixes in high heels and that all submissive men are all wimpy, spineless, and effeminate. Nothing could be further from the truth. Beyond the realm of my personal preference for what I view as the ideal structure for a relationship with my intimate partner of choice, I hold a position in my chosen vocation where I perform a very strongly dominant role. I hold a leadership position and am a key decision maker. Previously I served in the military for many years, held a wide variety of command and staff positions and again performed in a strongly dominant role and had important decision making responsibilities. My position as a submissive in the sphere of intimate relationships allows me to step outside my normal role, leave my maleness at the door and escape from the pressure of living up to again stereotypical, macho expectations that society expects from men. This is a catharsis of sorts for me and allows me to relate to the significant female in my life in the ways that I value and find meaningful. In the same way she is empowered and draws from the relationship that which she enjoys and that fulfills her needs and desires.

Beyond the D/s component, my own personal preference is that I prefer to dutifully obey, follow, please, and serve a strong, assertive, dominant woman however and wherever it pleases her. I willingly defer to her all rights to command, to lead and train me to become her “good boy”, a treasured companion and attentive servant. I didn’t one day choose to become submissive. It’s simply biological. I was born to it and it is an essential part of my character and personality. I do respect and revere all women but being submissive does not mean I am a doormat for everyone, every woman or even every dominant woman. I submit only to that one special woman in my life and then I make pleasing her, serving her and meeting her needs my number one priority. I have not only embraced my submissive nature but I actually am quite pleased with being in touch with it and allowing in free expression.

Actually when you think about it, submitting to a woman is not really such a strange notion. Just think about how women and men relate in the vanilla world. Men may take the initiative to ask a woman for a date but who decides whether the date happens? When it comes to sex, it’s the female who chooses her sexual partners and she is also the one who decides when and if sex occurs. With respect to the institution of marriage or other types of committed relationships, especially as the relationship matures women often are the key decision makers when it comes to running the household, where shopping is done, when and what major purchases like homes are made and often how the money is spent. I am simply in my opinion an enlightened sort of man who sees and understands this and has dropped all pretenses that I am in charge of the relationship. I have no fear of allowing the woman to fill the role of leading our relationship both in and out of the bedroom. I can most happily dedicate all my efforts to the happiness of the woman in my life, give her my uncompromising devotion, put her needs, pleasure and wishes above my own, devote myself to serving her in and out of the bedroom, listen to her attentively whenever she is speaking and seek her approval before doing anything, going anywhere or spending anything. It is all so very freeing for me and it really does in my opinion simply the relationship equation.