Friday, April 11, 2008

Give and Take

Something my Mistress recently wrote motivated me to write about this particular topic today concerning the give and take aspects of a successful D/s relationship. While the submissive male should, and rightfully so I believe, place his Mistress upon a proverbial pedestal out of respect, admiration and adoration of her as an assertive, dominant woman, I do also clearly understand that within the dynamics of a D/s relationship, both bring positive contributions to the table for the benefit of the other. It’s simply a matter of a mathematical equation so to speak. One functioning dominant plus one functioning submissive equals a D/s relationship. Without the one there would really be little point to the existence of the other. I also believe that my submission and her dominance need to be nurtured regularly with rituals and acts of domination and of submission so that we both can experience growth in our respective roles.

Obviously, I am much more qualified to speak on the subject of submission than to speculate about what it may be like from the perspective of a dominant woman and to guess at exactly what activities nurture her dominance and satisfy her dominant needs. So rather than speculate about that which I don’t know, I will confine myself to speaking about that part I do know from personal experience. A submissive male needs a Mistress to regularly push his submissive buttons to help him maintain consistent submission. Submission is in part a mental condition and to be maintained frequent reminders of his commitment to his Mistress are needed. Try as we might it is difficult for us to constantly maintain a focus on always putting our Mistress’ needs first not withstanding the fact that at the center of our submissive male hearts is the desire to please. Even a submissive male’s “macho attitude” can sometimes rear its ugly head unless our Mistress makes it her goal to keep our minds sharply focused on our submission to her and her happiness. Sharing activities that signify our male surrender affirm her female superiority and I think are essential to the long term success of a D/s relationship. In turn these activities affirm for the submissive man that the source of his pleasure is principally derived from serving and adoring his Mistress. This helps him to keep the right mental attitude and also enhances the erotic tension within the relationship.

A female led D/s lifestyle relationship, contains these important elements, an exchange of power, male submission, obedience and control. With these integrated ingredients a couple preserves a balanced relationship and are happy and fulfilled people and can achieve long lasting intimacy. While my Mistress and I are both still learning our respective roles I think we are both growing and consequently we are allowing our relationship to evolve naturally. One thing I feel that my Mistress seems to intuitively understand is that ensuring that I belong to her mentally is the foundation on which our relationship is built as we engage more often in more mental type pursuits rather than physical ones simply due to the character of our relationship, which is an online based distance relationship. She does, in my opinion, a very effective job of bringing creative techniques to bear which remind me of my submissive role and that help keep our relationship fresh and vibrant.

There are many techniques and practices she uses, buttons she pushes to help me maintain focus and help me to maintain consistent submission. Rituals, assignments and the use of mild humiliation are tools she uses which help keep my mind and actions focused on pleasing her. While she hasn’t yet found it necessary to discipline me, she very effectively holds forth the specter of potential discipline so that I take very seriously the fact that she would not hesitate to employ that tool at any time she felt that I needed to sharpen my Mistress pleasing skills. Another very effective method she employs is through effectively projecting herself to me as a caring, loving, and nurturing female authority figure. While she has me convinced that she will not hesitate to punish wrong doings on my part severely, she also liberally gives me mental hugs and kisses, praise and encouragement, all of which serve to stir my submissive nature and keep me focused on serving and pleasing her.

Much of what I have shared thus far accentuates the mental aspects but she is also adept at interjecting the necessary physical components as well. She regularly sends me written communications that mention my submissive behavior and she addresses me as “her” sub, pet, naughty one, etc., all terms that help me focus both on her ownership and my submission. She encourages me in writing this blog which serves as a journal of sorts in which I record my thoughts and submissive feelings. She also comments on what I write frequently so that I am aware of the fact that she reads my blog and considers it an important part of our relationship. She also devises creative physical assignments for me to perform which help keep me sexually aroused and at times pleasingly frustrated. The most amazing discovery I have made thus far as far as the physical part of our relationship is that she has a talent for keeping me high on an ascending arousal plateau for long periods of time. Even when she gives me an assignment that allows me to masturbate to orgasm, shortly after I climax, already my arousal is again building once again so that I always have this richly rewarding feeling of always being left wanting more. Despite the fact she is new to exercising her dominant side, I truly find my Mistress has a rich natural talent for helping me to remain focused, vibrantly submissive and sexually aroused with all the ways she so deftly combines the tools at her disposal to wield her powerful female dominance and make me feel and experience it in very realistic ways. I can only hope that my efforts at offering my sincere submission, service and obedience to her, help to fuel and empower her dominance in a hopefully similar effective manner.
Talking Point: Do you believe both the domiant and submissive contribute equally to the relationship or do you feel that one or the other contributes more to its success?

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