Wednesday, April 16, 2008

Truth or Fiction?

One of the delightful side benefits of beginning this blog is the fact that I have come to discover the blogs of so many others who write on similar topics and themes and interest me. There are several that I read and enjoy on a regular basis. One such recently discovered blog is written by an emerging dominant female who seeks a submissive male for an authentic long-term, committed Loving Female Authority (LFA) realtionship. While catching up on some of her earlier posts, I found one that was quite intriguing. She categorized five different types of men who have responded to personal ads that she has posted during her search for a submissive male partner. Her purpose for sharing that information was a bit different than what I wish to discuss with readers today, but her article did stimulate me to think about something that I feel is worth examining. Today I am sharing with you some categories of my own, but my four categories are all types of men who claim to be submissive men. I am certain that this information will not be news for dominant females who may read this blog as I am certain that they have likely encountered all four types in their own experiences, but I find it useful to examine these types and their motivations for my own edification as it helps me to better understand my own submissive nature. First allow me to say that for some time now I have been struggling with the fact that I write at great lengths about submissive men in this blog, but I never have much to say with regards to submissive women. Today I just felt compelled to say that this should not in any way be construed as disrespect for my submissive sisters. I actually count as close friends, several lifestyle submissive women. Naturally since I am a submissive man then I think it is only natural that I focus on the male submissive experience and to be perfectly honest, I really don’t truly understand female submission and so I do not feel qualified to write about it. Yes, I do understand that there are obvious commonalities in our respective submissive experiences, yet it is just a fact that in my perspective I see women naturally in a dominant role. But please know if you are a submissive woman reading this blog, you have my deepest and sincerest respect and I know that for you submission is just as needful and meaningful as it is for me. Please note that my categories are limited to heterosexual men, the group with which I identify. And now for my categories of “submissive” men;

Type 1 - Posers, Fakers and Wannabes

This type will claim to be submissive but in reality he is not submissive at all. They pretend to be submissive but it is only a ruse designed for the purpose of persuading a dominant woman to have sex with them. He may or may not have an interest in “kinky” sex, but more often than not he does which is the reason he targets specifically dominant women rather than women in general. A very superficial degree of questioning on the part of a dominant female will usually be sufficient to disclose that this type of “submissive” man has no real knowledge of the submissive lifestyle and is only interested in getting sex.

Type 2 – Users

There is a large group of men who enjoy the erotic aspects of the “loss of control” experienced in engaging in sexual activities with dominant women. They may not even fully understand why they find being taken in hand by a strong dominant women to be so sexually arousing, but they know it appeals to them. For many of them, intercourse or any other overtly sexually stimulating acts may not even be necessary components of their interaction with dominant women. Activities like having their orgasm denied, being forced to wear female panties or lingerie, or being subjected to corporal punishment may satisfy their needs for the experience. This type may even be mistaken for a true submissive. Yet outside the erotic and the sexual, these men have no interest in submitting. He allows the woman to take charge when it comes to sex only because he wants her to fulfill his own sexual fantasies for him. As a result he actually sees himself as in control (topping from the bottom) and is simply using the female to give him what he wants. He is submissive only when it comes to the bedroom and once beyond that he intends to be in complete control. Again it is easy to identify the user by simply eliminating any sexual activity and by asking him to perform mundane service oriented activities instead. He will quickly show his true colors when he understands that his sexual fantasies are not going to be addressed. This type of “submissive” is best suited for the professional dominatrix so that he may be allowed to pay for the self-serving services he seeks.

Type 3 – Doormats

For this type submission is only a means to end. They may also appear genuinely submissive but upon closer inspection you will find them to be men who for a variety of reasons have extremely little self-respect and low self-esteem. For whatever reason they have been conditioned to feel that they are worthless or deserving of being punished. Generally this type is not only submissive to women but submissive in general and lack any assertiveness at all of discernable degree. These men are usually so submissive that is all they really have and generally are characterized by little or no personality and poor communication skills. They will frequently have no limits whatsoever and are eager to perform anything required of them. They will willingly and eagerly perform the most degrading and extreme forms of humiliation that could be imagined. They will prove unable to carry on a conversation with you beyond telling you how much they want to worship at your feet. This type is easy to identify; simply imagine the mental image that comes to mind when you think of a dog that has been abused and when you try to pet it, it cowers and wets itself.

Type 4 – Genuine Submissive

The last type represents the group of men who have come to not only understand but to embrace their submissive nature and who truly desire to offer respectful, obedient service to a dominant woman. He is comfortable with his masculinity and himself. While not prideful, he has healthy self-esteem and self-respect. He has a life and interests beyond submission but finds that aspect of himself to be meaningful and rewarding. He doesn’t submit to everyone, not even to every dominant female he meets but he truly wants a woman to be in charge of him recognizing that this makes him a better person and a better man and causes him to experience personal fulfillment. He is service oriented and truly desires to please his dominant female partner and selflessly puts her needs, wants and happiness above his own. He experiences the appeal of erotic submission but is just as happy and satisfied to engage in the lifestyle aspects of submission as well. The true submissive should be able to cogently explain why he knows he is submissive, when he first became aware of it, and why he finds submitting to be a source of fulfillment and satisfaction for him.

Obviously I do place myself squarely in Type 4 but not because I am the standard for the authentic submissive man but because I feel that I meet the standards to truthfully assert my claim.

Talking Points:

For Dominant Women: Do you agree or disagree with the categories I have offered and do you feel the information is relevant to your own experiences?

1 comment:

L. Marie said...

One comment on this:
--> "This type may even be mistaken for a true submissive. Yet outside the erotic and the sexual, these men have no interest in submitting."

This is only my opinion but I think the term "true submissive" is somehow confusing and, yes, incorrect. If someone enjoys giving up control in the bedroom I consider him as submissive. He may not be a lifestyle-sub, but there are many degrees of submissiveness.
What are they, if not true submissives? Are they untrue? Are thay fakes? Even if they feel submissive during sexual activities?

I prefer 24/7-relationships, but I don't think every submissive needs to be a lifestyle-submissive. And I don't consider bedroom-subs as "less true"... they are simply less submissive that others. ;)

I also think you are a bit severe with your opinion that sex-submissives only use their female partners. This may be true in some cases, but in other cases mutual satisfaction is very important. While these relationships are not my cup of tea I know very happy and mutual fulfilling relationships where the D/s-aspects are limited to the bedroom.
A man (or woman) may not like the idea of being a servant in everyday's life and giving up control, but this does not mean that he sees his female partner only as a useful tool. He is simply a kind of "vanilla" when it comes to the non-sexual aspects of life. But that does not make him a selfish "user".

Greetings, Marie