Saturday, April 19, 2008

Of Course it’s Sexual

As I have shared, I spend a good deal of time blog reading and many of those I follow are written by dominant women and are focused on the topic of female led relationships of a variety of stripe. For some reason over the past several days I have bumped up against a rather common theme that I actually find somewhat confusing. The theme has been dominant women expressing dismay and even downright disgust at the fact that many of the submissive men they speak with seem in their opinion overly focused on the sexual aspects of submitting to a dominant female.

This leads to me to conclude that many dominant women despite what they may believe actually do not really understand male sexuality. According to published scientific study on sexuality, 85 percent of twenty to thirty year old males think about sex every 52 seconds. Is it then really a mystery that submissive men focus on the sexual aspect of submitting to a dominant female? Men are actually rather simple when it comes to sexuality. Stimulate our glans (that little patch of skin at the front of the penis just below the head) and we will quickly ejaculate. The male also has a much simpler sex drive than a woman. He simply wants to mate with any female he finds desirable. The longer he is denied sex, the stronger his desire grows. Furthermore we can get nearly the same level of satisfaction from masturbating as we do from completing a sex act with a woman.

Since within the dynamics of a female dominant, male submissive relationship it is the woman who decides if the male will be allowed to have sex with her or not, or have any sexual gratification at all for that matter, his desire for her sexually becomes linked with his desire for her approval. As he becomes more aroused sexually the desire to please her increases exponentially. Even things that are not overtly sexual like offering her willing obedience, respectful non-sexual service and giving her his complete and undivided attention and worship all speak to the sexual part of the male. A part of this I think is explained by the concept of taboo. A taboo is a strong social prohibition (or ban) against words, objects, actions, discussions, or people that are considered undesirable or offensive by a group, culture, society, or community. Just about all of us are titillated by the idea of breaking a taboo which is why many of us engage is vivid sexual fantasies where we imagine ourselves doing the most outrageous things in fantasy that we would never do in real life out of fear of rejection, fear of being ostracized or suffering legal penalty. In should be appreciated that for a male to submit to a female, is in a very real sense breaking a taboo because the submissive male is always battling the expectations placed upon him by our largely patriarchal society to act in the traditional way that society expects masculinity to be expressed; the man is dominant, the man is aggressive, the man does not express himself emotionally but is always stoic.

As a submissive man, there are five elements of submitting to a strong, assertive and dominant woman that speak powerfully to my sexual being;

  • I enjoy having a dominant female controlling my sexual activity.

  • I delight in having a dominant female deciding whether or not she will permit me to orgasm.

  • I have a deep seated and overwhelming need to please a dominant female partner without any promises, or expectation of reward.

  • In the expression of my submissiveness to a dominant female partner I feel the real and very present need to be always aware of her every need and her pleasure always takes priority over my own.

  • Forced chastity is not so much a major fetish for me as it is simply a means of experiencing a dominant female’s complete control over my sexual activity, whether or not she chooses to grant me permission to orgasm for her.

I do of course understand that D/s has two separate components, sexual submission and lifestyle submission. But both of these for the male submissive are intertwined and related because both affect and impact his sexual being. So of course D/s is sexual and that should never be a reason for dismay and certainly never a reason for disgust. My willingness as a submissive man to surrender control to a dominant, assertive female in every aspect of my life certainly includes submitting to her dominance over my penis and my sexuality, so of course my quite normal and natural focus on the sexual does not in anyway diminish her authority over me or my willingness to submit in the lifestyle areas as well.

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