Affable, approachable, and unpretentious are all words that accurately describe a very poised, practical and pleasant dominant woman I recently had the privilege to interview for this blog. I found her to be intelligent, honest, and confident, truly an example of the consummate, instinctual, assertive dominant female. It was readily apparent to me that she clearly understands, embraces and celebrates her dominant nature and she knows what she wants from a loving female-led relationship. She appreciates and prefers submissive men and made me feel most convincingly that she knows how to access that part of a man’s nature and help him to meaningfully express that part of himself in submitting to her.
Quite recently I became acquainted with Anne, when I stumbled upon her very excellent blog, “loving female authority”. For those who would like to learn more about this secure and very likeable dominant female, you can find a link to her blog under my list of favorites. I myself am a regular reader of her blog and find that she writes with a very unique and compelling style and I very much enjoy her perspectives and insights on loving female-led relationships.
Anne revealed to me that she first became aware of dominance and submission within the context of female – male relationships, when her long-term marriage ended in divorce and she found herself dating once again. She shared with me that she became acquainted with a man who became a friend and although he didn’t actually use the term “female-led” relationships, in hindsight she understands that he did in fact outline that very thing for her. During their discussions about her dating experiences he was the first to suggest that perhaps she was dating the wrong kind of men and thus actually first put her on to the idea of dating submissive men. Following a period of experimentation and exploration during which Anne, in her words, “had mixed results due to my inexperience”, she began to feel that having a committed loving, female-led relationship with a submissive male partner was truly the kind of relationship she wanted and needed. Her feelings were further solidified when she discovered the Venus On Top site which according to Anne, “really advocates dominant women in relationships, and talks about the kink in terms of reality instead of a whip wielding leather dressed fantasy.” She served as a volunteer with Venus on Top, which she credits with providing her valuable experience and help in learning a great deal about dominance and submission and female-led relationships.
As mentioned, Anne is the host of her own blog which she describes as her online journal to celebrate her acceptance and growth as a dominant woman and her quest for a Female Led Relationship. Anne’s goal with the blog is to promote conversation, ideas, thoughts and growth about female led relationships and other related topics. She shared with me that she actually decided to begin a blog because, “I have never been very good at writing down my feelings. I have never kept a diary. I find it excruciating to even create a resume. I decided to force myself to write about this experience and use it as a method for both learning to write things that are personal and getting my feelings out.” Clearly she has accomplished her goal with her interesting and well written blog where she regularly and openly expresses her feelings and thoughts.
Another interest that Anne has is the creation and development of a new website for dominant women and submissive men, which she is currently working on. She envisions the site as being a clearinghouse for information as well as serving as a female-led relationship focused dating site. She also plans to include message boards or forums to promote interaction between dominant females and submissive men. Her goal for the new web site is to provide a female friendly environment to serve as a conduit for informing and hopefully attracting more women into the lifestyle. To ensure that it is a non-threatening and safe feeling environment she states that while all kinds of kink information will be available, it will not be prominently featured immediately as she feels that might be a turn-off for women just beginning to explore the possibilities of a female-led relationship. She plans the design to initially allow interested women to get onto the site and feel comfortable and only then begin to explore the kink information.
Here, Anne takes a time out from her work, her blog and attention to the development of her new web site to give Her Property the lowdown on her thoughts and life as a passionate, loving, dominant woman.
If you have a favorite comment that was posted by a reader, can you tell me the topic of the post the comment was related to and why you found the comment meaningful?
I am not sure about a favorite comment. I have had some nice ones and met some nice people. I particularly like hearing from women.
If you have ever received a comment in response to a post that you found disturbing, can you tell me about it?
I think it was the most recent comment from a male reader in the post called Respect, in response to my post about a man asking me to castrate him. I find this disturbing because this man is obviously hurting very much and needs some help, and there is no way for me to reach out to him.
I know from reading your blog, that you had a long and stable marriage before becoming single again. How did the experiences from your marriage contribute to your realization of the need to express your dominance within the context of a female-led relationship?
I realized after my divorce, and through counseling, that even though I have always enjoyed being in charge, that I allowed my ex to overpower my decisions and I hated it. I will never allow that again. I am perfectly comfortable being in charge now. I also realized that I like a man who brings peace to my life and wants to serve me because that is who he is, and because he adores me. Ironically, I think my ex would have LOVED the kink aspects of an FLR, but he would still have constantly undermined my decisions.
You have shared in your blog the frustration you have felt over the unwillingness of men to show up for a face-to-face meeting with you. What do you think the reasons are that prevent them from taking what appears to be the logical first step in entering into a female-led partnership?
Well I think it is probably a lot of different reasons. First, it is easy to talk on the internet, but when you have to make it real, you have to actually admit to your submissive feelings to someone face-to-face. Fear is another reason. I think some fear I am going to be some monster who will instantly take over every aspect of their life, remove all choice they have, and chain them to the bed. Some of it is that they are afraid that they will be ridiculed or not understood. Some just wanted to talk kink and didn't really intend to meet in the first place. Some are probably married. Some of it is that they are chicken shit.
Obviously I know you have a preference for submissive males as a potential relationship partner, but can you give me a little more insight into the type of guys you tend to like?
There is a good book and website called a psychologist named Taylor Hartman. http://www.thecolorcode.com/about/ I prefer men in the white category. Per his site these are the peacekeepers. Peace: the ability to stay calm and balanced even in the midst of conflict, is what motivates and drives these people. They bring great gifts of clarity and tolerance and are generally kind, adaptable, and good-listeners. I like men who are secure in themselves. I like intelligent men. Not necessarily learned, but intelligent. I like men who are eager and think I am the best thing since sliced bread. A man who knows that I am capable of making decisions and good at them. I hate men who argue (discuss/debate/whatever) with me. The fastest way to make me angry is to try to prove you are right and I am wrong.
What is the best piece of advice you could offer to a dominant girlfriend when it comes to finding a suitable submissive male for a female-led relationship?
Clearly since I don't have a man, and have had a heck of a time finding one, I am the wrong person to ask. Be patient. Talk to lots of men. Understand that at least 75% of them will not meet with you.
What is the best piece of advice you could offer to a submissive male when it comes to finding a dominant female partner for a female-led relationship?
Love yourself and your nature. If you don't you are nothing but trouble. Be patient. SHOW UP IF YOU AGREE TO A DATE. Be interesting. Submissive does not equal being a wet rag. If a man tells me he has no interests, only what I am interested in, I drop him. That does not mean I might not change things, but have interests. Show the women that you like her. Flowers are always good. Be on time. Be clean. Don't press her with 200 questions of what kinks she likes. If she asks you questions answer them honestly. Realize that the fantasy of a woman in leather, heels, and a whip is just that, a fantasy. Those are just a few of my ideas.
As a female please explain how you see yourself with respect to whether you consider yourself to be closer to the girly girl type, the tomboy type or do you see yourself as a blend of the two?
I am not a girly girl. I was a total tomboy when I was young. Now I would say I am in between. I am quite comfortable in a dress and heels. I love jeans and comfy clothes. I have my nails done, but am not afraid to get dirty.
The flavors of some of things you write cause me to see you as a romantic at heart. When you think about having a romantic evening with a submissive male boyfriend, can you elaborate on what you envision as far as do you find the idea of spending time alone at home or going out to be what comes to mind?
This is funny, because my ex husband would tell you that I did not have a romantic bone in my body. D/s relationships create a different kind of bond. The fact that a man gives up of himself willingly makes me feel very appreciative and close to him. There is a different kind of intimacy. If I had to guess, this is a large part of what submissive men feel. So, going out. We have wonderful outdoor concerts here in the summer, at a local winery. You bring your own dinner and chairs, sit and relax and see some top acts. I think he would plan the meal, pack it all up, carry it from the car to where we sit, serve me food. We would sit and relax and enjoy the evening. Spending time alone at home, there are so many activities. I think that most kink activities are actually fairly intimate. For instance, I have always found that using a strap-on is an intimate activity.
Can you describe your own dominant female style as far as what a submissive man might expect if he were your partner in a female-led relationship?
I am looking for a relationship. Not play. To me, the love and intimacy are a large part of it. The more of that there is, the happier and more dominant that I am. I don't humiliate just to humiliate. I understand that there is humiliation inherent in what I do, but I don't do it for humiliation. I am strict but not mean.
What role do you see Female Supremacy and/or feminist ideologies playing within the context of female-led relationships?
I personally don't believe in Female Supremacy. I do not think that every single woman should be in control or in charge. I have a good friend for instance who should never be in charge. She would self-destruct. I do think that girls should be taught to feel good about themselves. That it is ok to excel. That they can be in charge if they want to be. And boys should be taught that they don't have to be in charge if they don't want to be. In other words, the roles we play should be based upon our personalities, not on our gender.
What role if any do you see the feminization of your submissive male partner playing within the dynamics of a female-led relationship?
Personally I like some feminization. I find it sexy. I don't like macho hairy men as a rule. I enjoy making my man wear panties all of the time. This is both very sexy for me and also reminds him of who is in control. I like using a strap-on. I have painted my man's toenails before. I had my bf remove all hair but his arm hair. These are just some examples of what I like. I have spoken to dominant women who very much like the macho John Wayne types of guys. They can have them :)
Please share with me the details of your views on the role of sexual intercourse within a loving female-led relationship. I am assuming that you do enjoy penetrative sex to a degree based on what I have read in your blog. Particularly, do you see this as an important part of the sexual side of the relationship and would you be open to all of the common sexual positions or only allow specific ones? Also would allowing your male submissive to penetrate you include an opportunity for him to orgasm during sex or would you prohibit that?
I do enjoy penetrative sex. Sometimes I might want him to please me orally only. Sometimes penetration. I like all sexual positions. The goal after all is to please me. If I don't feel like doing the work, then I want him on top. I do allow orgasm during penetration, but only if I tell him that it is ok to do so. And if he does orgasm during penetration, when he is done, he goes down and orally cleans me all up.
Branching out now from female-led relationships, what do you enjoy as far as hobbies, interests or pursuits when you just want to relax and enjoy life?
I love to travel. I just got back from three weeks in Australia and New Zealand. I love to read and love music. I like to eat out, do things with friends. I work in the technology field but I am also an artist. I like to cook (but like being cooked for even more). I like going to movies, exploring outdoors (but not in a killer backpacking kind of way). I like seeing movies. I enjoy spending time with my son at whatever he would like to do. I love animals. I started school as pre-vet. I have 2 cats right now.
I noticed that you recently enjoyed a vacation trip to Australia and assume that travel is one of your interests. Can you tell me more about your interests with regard to travel? Any other favorite places you have visited? Any places you hope to travel to at some point? I am not sure I will ever be able to travel to all of the places I desire to travel to. Australia was wonderful, my favorite place I have traveled to. Close to that would have to be France. I have been to Australia, New Zealand, France, Switzerland, Canada, Mexico, quite a few Caribbean places. Most of the states in the US, except for some on the eastern side. Next year my son and I will go to South Africa for a photo safari. I want to see more European countries. Spain, Italy, England, Scotland, Ireland etc. I'd love to see Cuba. I like to see local things and meet people. Immerse myself in the culture.
And there you have it, an intimate peek into the life and times of a truly interesting and extraordinary dominant woman. I hope you have enjoyed getting acquainted with her as much as I have.