Wednesday, April 2, 2008

The Feminization Question


One of the BDSM activities that submissive men are often required to engage in is feminization. This is one activity that really causes me a lot of fear and anxiety at the thought of having to perform it. As I have stated previously, while submissive I consider myself to be completely masculine without any effeminate tendencies. Perhaps the idea of being forced to wear female, clothing, lingerie and perhaps even make-up chills me to the core because I view it as a threat to my masculinity. Also I think there is the fear that my Mistress might think less of me as a man if I agreed to explore this. Since our relationship is so new I really haven't learned what her preferences are in men in general or submissive men in particular. It seems reasonable that some dominant women may prefer masculine submissive men while others might prefer a more softer, feminine type of male. Still if I Mistress told me she wished me to try this then I would be hard pressed to refuse her because of course I want to please her in every way. Also this isn’t something I would consider a hard limit for me, just something I think I would really not like to do. What motivated me to write on this topic today is the fact that I am currently reading the book, Female Domination: An exploration of the male’s desire for Loving Female Authority, by Elise Sutton. Ms. Sutton strikes me as a very intelligent writer who may possible be the supreme authority on female led relationships.

In the book she writes; “The desire to be feminized is more common among men than would surmise. Everything about a woman and the feminine excites males and causes them to be curious. Women are mysterious to a lot of men. Wearing female clothing, shoes, etc. can be sexually exciting for a man. It is like embracing the feminine and exploring the feminine. This is a rather common fetish among submissive males. Many young boys have their first sexual urges and excitement from touching and even trying on their Mother’s bra, panties or pantyhose, etc. Again, this is exploring the mysterious world of the female. Many adult men never outgrow this fascination and excitement. By wearing these articles of female clothing, it is natural for this to cause submissive desires within the male and cause him to want to submit to the female.”

I do agree that I definitely am one of those men she spoke of that finds women to mysterious and that is an aspect I find exciting. I also do have a fair amount of curiosity about women and how the differ from men in such things as menstruation, what excites them sexually, multiple orgasms, etc. Yet I truly have never had a burning desire to try on female clothing, lingerie or make-up. I have on two occasions in my life worn women’s panties but not for the purpose of a feminization kink. Once I wore them on a backpacking trip at the suggestion of a female hiking partner because of the wicking and comfort properties. The second time was while performing an assignment at the Academy that required female cotton panties. In both instances the panties in question were not designed for “sexy” but for utility of purpose. Neither instance produced any significant emotional impact for me either positively or negatively. I have nothing at all against men who enjoy this fetish but it is just not a personal kink for me. For those men in female led relationships who do enjoy this activity and find it sexually exciting and their partner encourages it, Ms. Sutton terms it “assisted feminization.”

There is a second category which she terms “forced feminization”. Again she writes;

“Forced feminization is totally different. The key word here is “forced”. Forced feminization is where the dominant female forces her submissive male to dress up like a woman, against his will. This is a form of domination and humiliation. The idea of forced feminization is to make a man who has absolutely no desire to dress in women’s clothing, to do so for the woman’s entertainment. Forced feminization is fun because the woman knows the man “hates” to do this. She will force him into women’s clothes, add make-up and maybe even a wig, then she will parade him in front of a mirror and force him to look at himself. She will then proceed to humiliate him. Finally, she may even strap-on a dildo and penetrate her “sissy-slut” to further control and dominate him.”

This is the variety that elicits fear in me because it is the type I suppose I can most readily see as practiced in a D/s relationship if it is something of interest to the domiant female. Truthfully there are some aspects of the activity that do appeal to my own personal kinks. Being forced to do anything I don’t want to do or may actually even hate doing produces such intense feelings of being controlled for me and consequently results in correspondingly intense feelings of meaningful submission. These of course are feelings that I enjoy and that reinforce my submission. I also find that humiliation at least in reasonably amounts produces these same feelings and so it too is an aspect of this I find attractive. Yet I am really not sure how it would make me feel if I had to dress up in bra, sexy thong panties, a garter belt, thigh high hose and the other intimate items of female apparel. Honestly I can’t say whether it might be something I could learn to enjoy or might stimulate my desire to submit even more. Or perhaps it would really lower my own self-image, threaten my male identity or even cause me to feel depressed. So you see those are a few of the reasons I find this activity particularly intimidating, so many unknowns.

Having said all of that however I reiterate that if my Mistress required it, knowing me and knowing the value I on place on pleasing my Mistress and making her happy, I would not refuse to explore this. And as I write this I suppose I do find the idea slightly titillating to think about my Mistress requiring to me to retire my briefs and boxers and making me wear sexy female panties instead, as a tangible sign of my submission and devotion to her.

As always, your comments are welcome!

1 comment:

Mistress Lily said...

My Sweet, Lovely CJ


You should know that your Mistress prefers a masculine man more than anything! I want you to be strong and prove it to me!

However, should this topic interest you we can discuss it more and take things slowly!

~ Lily