Sunday, March 30, 2008

My Weekly Sunday Mantra

Today I am sharing my weekly Sunday Mantra...

Topic assignment: “For your Sunday Mantra I want to consider what "exposed" as a word means, what that means to you. I would like you to give me at least 3 examples of being "exposed" and some of your feelings.” Source: Quote from Mistress Lily

Before beginning the actual period of meditation and introspection I consulted a dictionary to obtain the precise definition of the word. Here are definitions for both the word “expose” and “exposed.”

Main Entry: ex·pose
Function: verb

1: to reveal the true nature of.
Synonyms: uncloak, uncover, unmask
Related Words: disclose, divulge, tell, unveil
2: to make known (as information previously kept secret)
3: to make known (something abstract) through outward signs
4: to present so as to invite notice or attention

Main Entry: ex·pose
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): ex·posed; ex·pos·ing

1a: to deprive of shelter, protection, or care; subject to risk from a harmful action or condition
1b: to submit or make accessible to a particular action or influence
1c: to abandon especially by leaving in the open
2a: to make known, bring to light
2b: to disclose the faults of
3a: to cause to be visible or open to view
3b: to exhibit for public veneration
3c: to reveal the face of
3d: to engage in indecent exposure of (oneself)

Main Entry: ex·posed
Function: adjective

1: open to view
2: not shielded or protected

Source: Merriam-Webster Dictionary


As were your instructions I knelt for you at the location dedicated to observance of this weekly ritual, completely naked, wearing only your collar. I knelt with knees spread, back straight, and my hands resting on my knees palms up, head held high and eyes downcast. I took a printed copy of the definitions of expose and exposed to review as I contemplated the meaning of exposed with respect to how the term relates to me personally and to the expression of my submissive nature.

I concluded at the outset that exposed does in fact encompass both the mental and the physical aspects of me and my submission. Communication, honesty, trust, commitment and responsibility must be bywords of a D/s relationship between the partners if the relationship is to succeed. An ongoing flow of communication is essential for the survival and flowering of the relationship. There must be no secrets. As the submissive I in particular have little or no expectation of privacy and I have the responsibility to be totally open with you about my feelings. I must allow myself to be completely candid, open, honest and vulnerable with you at all times. This requires a level of trust in you that goes far beyond anything normally seen in vanilla relationships.

Feeling exposed for me as it pertains to the mental aspect then is synonymous with the term vulnerability. By answering any questions you direct to me I must be completely open, candid and honest in my answers and I must answer your questions as fully as possible holding nothing back. I must do this with the full knowledge that at times you may disagree with my opinions or even take issue with them to the extent that I incur your displeasure and invite your correction or discipline. Also continuing with the mental aspect, I am exposed in the sense of having no rights to withhold any information from you. I must share my faults, failures, needs, wants, kinks, and fantasies as you require. Being vulnerable means giving someone the power to harm either physically or emotionally; making myself assailable, risking it all, mentally, emotionally and even physically. Clearly the degree of risk that I assume when allowing myself to be vulnerable to you produces feelings of being exposed.

Exposed also carries a physical connotation for me for as your submissive I must subject myself to strictly obeying your every wish, desire or even whim as long as what you require does not violate any of my pre-disclosed core hard limits. While many of things you could require of me are not hard limits, there are still many possibilities that exist where I might be required to do some act that I do not want to do, may be fearful of doing, and may possible even loathe doing. Yet I have no choice but to swiftly obey you and carry out your commands. This is one example of the physical aspect of exposed.

Continuing with the physical aspect of exposed is basic nudity. It is your right to require that I present myself naked at any moment you might desire it. It is also your privilege to require that I allow you to see my body naked at anytime you require it, either wholly or in part. This is definitely a part of our relationship that makes me feel exposed. In our society clothing serves many purposes, not the least of which is to cover us thereby covering and minimizing physical faults or shortcomings and keeping them from view. I certainly feel exposed at these thoughts for two primary reasons. First, like many people I am not satisfied with my physical appearance right now because while I am not excessively over weight, I know I need to lose 12-15 pounds and become more fit. I know that my body would be more attractive to me and to others once I accomplish that. So feeling that I have flaws and faults, I know I would feel exposed and more self-conscious now if you required me to show you my naked body than I might feel after I have lost weight and become more fit. Also with respect to my penis, showing it to you would make me feel exposed and self-conscious. Having played sports in high school and college and having showered with other males I know that as far as size goes I am firmly in the camp of the “average.” I have seen smaller as well as larger penises than mine and the majority I have seen readily compare to mine. Yet not knowing your preference in this area because of the “fear of the unknown” I have no way of knowing if I measure up to your expectations.

That pretty much sums up my feelings about what exposed means to me. Now I turn my attention to giving three examples of things that would produce the feeling of being exposed for me. Hopefully, I was correct in assuming that you wished me to provide concrete examples of activities that would cause me to feel that.

As you are aware there are a number of submissive positions which originated with gorean practices but which have been assimilated into non-gor D/s interactions. The purpose of these positions is for the submissive to display their naked bodies is the most exposed manner possible as far as intimate parts (genitals, anus) for the inspection of their dominant. Having to assume these positions for your inspection would of course produce intense feelings of being exposed for me, because of course you would be inspecting and evaluating my nude body and its parts which to me offers the risk of displeasing you and suffering your rejection. That is my first example.

A second activity that would cause me to feel exposed would be activities termed as forced feminization and roughly encompass being required to wear makeup, feminine nail polish, feminine articles of clothing, female panties or lingerie. I grew up with three sisters, was married for good long time and have dated extensively. I can honestly say that despite a very significant part of my life being spent in close proximity to women and female things, I have never had the desire or even the slightest curiosity about experiencing what it might be like to wear things designed for females. Cross-dressing is not a personal kink of mine and any of the activities listed above would if I were required to do them cause me to feel embarrassment, humiliated and yes, exposed. But despite that here is a very good example of something that I would not ask to do or seek to do but it isn’t a hard limit for me. And having given this a great deal of thought, I believe that those very same feelings that would result would be something that would make me feel very submissive and very aroused, in part because I rather suspect that the humiliation and exposed parts of it are interwoven with certain kinks that I embrace. I wouldn’t feel submissive or aroused from the use or wear of female things but because of being forced to do it.

The third and final example I offer of an activity that would make me feel exposed would be anything that I was required to do in public which would feel kinky or naughty. It could be; having to wear bondage under my clothing, having to wear female panties or lingerie under my normal clothing, having to wear a butt plug in public, or having to be naked or masturbate. The key to the feeling exposed would be the public venue more so than the specific activities even though the environment was public but with privacy or at least a situation where there was very minimal chance of anyone seeing me perform an activity.

Mistress, hopefully you are pleased with these thoughts I have shared. As I mentioned it is my goal to spend more time each week kneeling for you to show my respect and devotion in a tangible way. This week I knelt for 25 minutes and contemplated the topic you assigned. My personal goal is to work toward being able to spend an entire hour each week on my knees for you contemplating and self-reflecting. Once I had completed the ritual for you, I then completed the short masturbation assignment you gave me. While continuing to kneel in my corner, I brought myself to an edge, waited exactly three minutes and then stroked my cock until I achieved orgasm. The orgasm was very intense and pleasurable, but more importantly it was very submissively meaningful to me because I performed it at your command for your pleasure. Thank you Mistress for permitting me to cum for you.

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