Sunday Mantra: Erotic Humiliation

My Weekly Sunday Mantra report to my Mistress...

For this week's mantra, as has become my habit, I began my preparations again with attention to personal hygiene by freshly trimming my pubic hair and then by using a razor to shape the area in an attractive manner and to smoothly shave my scrotum. As you instructed me, for this week this activity also required that I shape my pubic hair into an “L” in honor of you, Mistress Lily. Actually it proved to be more difficult than I imagined and once finished I wasn’t completely satisfied with the look. My pubic hair has still not grown back very thickly since the last time I was completely shaved so the appearance of the “L” did not seem to really jump out. So I hope you will be pleased by my decision to outline the hairline with a black sharpie so that it was more visible. I then took the photograph as you instructed and I posted it to our special thread in the Academy forums.

After a hot shower so that I felt fresh and clean I then proceeded to perform our weekly ritual in the manner you prescribed. I put your collar on my neck and went to our special place reserved for our Sunday ritual, taking with me “your” panties, my medium anal plug and lubricant. I misted the corner with your perfume, Britney Spears's Curious, and then I lubed and inserted my anal plug. Kneeling in my usual fashion, knees widely spread, back straight, my arms resting on my thighs, palms upturned, head held eye and eyes downcast, I then gagged myself with “your” panties and contemplated the topic you assigned me for today. After thirty minutes, I moved to the computer, sat down and composed my response to the topic assignment…

Topic Assignment: “For this Sunday Mantra's I would like you to consider at what lengths you would go to please your Mistress. How much humiliation are you willing to endure? What things don't excite you at all, but that you are willing to do if I asked you? Please list for me at least 5 THINGS you would be willing to do for me.”

There is of course a huge difference between humiliation and degradation. There are of course also variances in the degree of humiliation and the degree to which a particular person might perceive feelings of humiliation for any particular task. One person might find an activity either only mildly embarrassing or not even humiliating at all. Another person might find the very same activity produces very strong feelings of humiliation. And yet another may feel degraded by having to do the very same activity. In other words, it does vary from person to person depending upon how much the person enjoys and needs humiliation play. I know I do have an attraction for humiliation play but I think only in the sense where something causes me to feel humiliated in a mild rather than extreme degree. For me personally one form of verbal humiliation is a good example of an activity that would be too extreme. I know that some male submissives enjoy having the size of their cock ridiculed. For me, if my dominant ridiculed me for having a tiny or unattractive cock, that would make me feel degraded and it would be very hurtful for me and just too extreme. I would not find it erotic or arousing at all. However, other forms of verbal humiliation, like being called certain names would I think be something I would find humiliating, but also arousing and erotic (e.g. “slut”, “pussy boy”, etc.).

There are also many activities that I would find humiliating to have to perform, but would be comfortable with and find to be erotic. Being made to wear female panties is a good example. I would feel a degree of humiliation by being made to do it but at the same time I also feel that it would be something I liked and found arousing. So while having to wear female panties would provide a degree of humiliation for me, since I would like doing it that isn’t something that fits the criteria of your topic for today. Yet since cross-dressing is not a kink of mine, the fact that I would willingly submit to having to wear female panties does not mean I would find wearing other female clothing enjoyable. As I was thinking about this particular thing, it occurred to me that things like those you wanted me to list. Activities I would find humiliating but that don't excite me at all and that I would not want to do, but would be willing to do if you asked me to, are mostly in the area of forced feminization activities. So the list I composed are predominantly forced feminization activities. I did however think of a couple of other types of activities to list, so here is what I came up with;

• Being required to wear feminine lingerie items other than panties (e.g. bras, garter belts, hosiery, corsets, teddies, baby doll nighties, etc.)


• Being required to wear lipstick.


• Being required to paint my toenails with colored polish.


• Being required to wear tampons or pads and simulate being on a period. Just the act of buying these things would be humiliating.


• With regard to wearing panties, if I was made to wear them and then risk being seen wearing them or actually allowing someone to see me wearing them as in having briefly appear outside in panties or having to post photographs of me wearing them, that would definitely fall in the category you are looking for.

Here are a couple of other things I thought of that aren’t associated with forced feminization but that would also be in the category of things that I’d find humiliating and wouldn’t enjoy or want to do, but that I would do if you asked;

• Eating my cum is not something I like and is something I find humiliating so this fits the category. Also if I were made to masturbate in a position where my cum would spurt into my mouth or on my face, that is something that would be humiliating and not something I would want to do but would if you asked.


• I explored pee play with a task I performed at the Academy. While wetting myself was mildly humiliating, being made to wet myself while in public would meet the criteria of this topic. I wouldn’t even be able to do it if someone would definitely witness it, but even though it isn’t something I would want to do or find enjoyable, under controlled conditions with a small risk of being seen, I would do this and it would be very humiliating.


• Having to perform fellatio on a realistic dildo would also be something that fits the criteria. It would be even more humiliating to have to beg to do it before performing the act.

Hopefully the list I compiled meets the criteria of what you were looking for with the topic assignment for this week. After completing and posting my report, I then removed the plug and cleaned up.

With all obedience,
CJ

My Weekly Sunday Mantra

Today I am sharing my weekly Sunday Mantra...

Topic assignment: “For your Sunday Mantra I want to consider what "exposed" as a word means, what that means to you. I would like you to give me at least 3 examples of being "exposed" and some of your feelings.” Source: Quote from Mistress Lily

Before beginning the actual period of meditation and introspection I consulted a dictionary to obtain the precise definition of the word. Here are definitions for both the word “expose” and “exposed.”

Main Entry: ex·pose
Function: verb

1: to reveal the true nature of.
Synonyms: uncloak, uncover, unmask
Related Words: disclose, divulge, tell, unveil
2: to make known (as information previously kept secret)
3: to make known (something abstract) through outward signs
4: to present so as to invite notice or attention

Main Entry: ex·pose
Function: transitive verb
Inflected Form(s): ex·posed; ex·pos·ing

1a: to deprive of shelter, protection, or care; subject to risk from a harmful action or condition
1b: to submit or make accessible to a particular action or influence
1c: to abandon especially by leaving in the open
2a: to make known, bring to light
2b: to disclose the faults of
3a: to cause to be visible or open to view
3b: to exhibit for public veneration
3c: to reveal the face of
3d: to engage in indecent exposure of (oneself)

Main Entry: ex·posed
Function: adjective

1: open to view
2: not shielded or protected

Source: Merriam-Webster Dictionary

Mantra:

As were your instructions I knelt for you at the location dedicated to observance of this weekly ritual, completely naked, wearing only your collar. I knelt with knees spread, back straight, and my hands resting on my knees palms up, head held high and eyes downcast. I took a printed copy of the definitions of expose and exposed to review as I contemplated the meaning of exposed with respect to how the term relates to me personally and to the expression of my submissive nature.

I concluded at the outset that exposed does in fact encompass both the mental and the physical aspects of me and my submission. Communication, honesty, trust, commitment and responsibility must be bywords of a D/s relationship between the partners if the relationship is to succeed. An ongoing flow of communication is essential for the survival and flowering of the relationship. There must be no secrets. As the submissive I in particular have little or no expectation of privacy and I have the responsibility to be totally open with you about my feelings. I must allow myself to be completely candid, open, honest and vulnerable with you at all times. This requires a level of trust in you that goes far beyond anything normally seen in vanilla relationships.

Feeling exposed for me as it pertains to the mental aspect then is synonymous with the term vulnerability. By answering any questions you direct to me I must be completely open, candid and honest in my answers and I must answer your questions as fully as possible holding nothing back. I must do this with the full knowledge that at times you may disagree with my opinions or even take issue with them to the extent that I incur your displeasure and invite your correction or discipline. Also continuing with the mental aspect, I am exposed in the sense of having no rights to withhold any information from you. I must share my faults, failures, needs, wants, kinks, and fantasies as you require. Being vulnerable means giving someone the power to harm either physically or emotionally; making myself assailable, risking it all, mentally, emotionally and even physically. Clearly the degree of risk that I assume when allowing myself to be vulnerable to you produces feelings of being exposed.

Exposed also carries a physical connotation for me for as your submissive I must subject myself to strictly obeying your every wish, desire or even whim as long as what you require does not violate any of my pre-disclosed core hard limits. While many of things you could require of me are not hard limits, there are still many possibilities that exist where I might be required to do some act that I do not want to do, may be fearful of doing, and may possible even loathe doing. Yet I have no choice but to swiftly obey you and carry out your commands. This is one example of the physical aspect of exposed.

Continuing with the physical aspect of exposed is basic nudity. It is your right to require that I present myself naked at any moment you might desire it. It is also your privilege to require that I allow you to see my body naked at anytime you require it, either wholly or in part. This is definitely a part of our relationship that makes me feel exposed. In our society clothing serves many purposes, not the least of which is to cover us thereby covering and minimizing physical faults or shortcomings and keeping them from view. I certainly feel exposed at these thoughts for two primary reasons. First, like many people I am not satisfied with my physical appearance right now because while I am not excessively over weight, I know I need to lose 12-15 pounds and become more fit. I know that my body would be more attractive to me and to others once I accomplish that. So feeling that I have flaws and faults, I know I would feel exposed and more self-conscious now if you required me to show you my naked body than I might feel after I have lost weight and become more fit. Also with respect to my penis, showing it to you would make me feel exposed and self-conscious. Having played sports in high school and college and having showered with other males I know that as far as size goes I am firmly in the camp of the “average.” I have seen smaller as well as larger penises than mine and the majority I have seen readily compare to mine. Yet not knowing your preference in this area because of the “fear of the unknown” I have no way of knowing if I measure up to your expectations.

That pretty much sums up my feelings about what exposed means to me. Now I turn my attention to giving three examples of things that would produce the feeling of being exposed for me. Hopefully, I was correct in assuming that you wished me to provide concrete examples of activities that would cause me to feel that.

As you are aware there are a number of submissive positions which originated with gorean practices but which have been assimilated into non-gor D/s interactions. The purpose of these positions is for the submissive to display their naked bodies is the most exposed manner possible as far as intimate parts (genitals, anus) for the inspection of their dominant. Having to assume these positions for your inspection would of course produce intense feelings of being exposed for me, because of course you would be inspecting and evaluating my nude body and its parts which to me offers the risk of displeasing you and suffering your rejection. That is my first example.

A second activity that would cause me to feel exposed would be activities termed as forced feminization and roughly encompass being required to wear makeup, feminine nail polish, feminine articles of clothing, female panties or lingerie. I grew up with three sisters, was married for good long time and have dated extensively. I can honestly say that despite a very significant part of my life being spent in close proximity to women and female things, I have never had the desire or even the slightest curiosity about experiencing what it might be like to wear things designed for females. Cross-dressing is not a personal kink of mine and any of the activities listed above would if I were required to do them cause me to feel embarrassment, humiliated and yes, exposed. But despite that here is a very good example of something that I would not ask to do or seek to do but it isn’t a hard limit for me. And having given this a great deal of thought, I believe that those very same feelings that would result would be something that would make me feel very submissive and very aroused, in part because I rather suspect that the humiliation and exposed parts of it are interwoven with certain kinks that I embrace. I wouldn’t feel submissive or aroused from the use or wear of female things but because of being forced to do it.

The third and final example I offer of an activity that would make me feel exposed would be anything that I was required to do in public which would feel kinky or naughty. It could be; having to wear bondage under my clothing, having to wear female panties or lingerie under my normal clothing, having to wear a butt plug in public, or having to be naked or masturbate. The key to the feeling exposed would be the public venue more so than the specific activities even though the environment was public but with privacy or at least a situation where there was very minimal chance of anyone seeing me perform an activity.

Mistress, hopefully you are pleased with these thoughts I have shared. As I mentioned it is my goal to spend more time each week kneeling for you to show my respect and devotion in a tangible way. This week I knelt for 25 minutes and contemplated the topic you assigned. My personal goal is to work toward being able to spend an entire hour each week on my knees for you contemplating and self-reflecting. Once I had completed the ritual for you, I then completed the short masturbation assignment you gave me. While continuing to kneel in my corner, I brought myself to an edge, waited exactly three minutes and then stroked my cock until I achieved orgasm. The orgasm was very intense and pleasurable, but more importantly it was very submissively meaningful to me because I performed it at your command for your pleasure. Thank you Mistress for permitting me to cum for you.

Naked, exposed, vulnerable

Each Sunday Mistress requires that I perform what she terms my “Sunday Mantra.” This activity must be performed in a certain way at a specific time and place and follows a prescribed decorum. Briefly I am required to kneel while completely naked, wearing only my collar for a period of time each Sunday. During this period of time I am to contemplate a topic which my Mistress selects and assigns to me each week. After thinking and meditating on the assigned topic then I am then required to report to her my impressions and how I see the topic under consideration applying to my submissive nature and my role as her submissive companion. This ritual contains two elements that strongly trigger my submissive response, the requirement that I present myself completely naked and that I assume a kneeling position.

As adults we predominantly spend our time clothed to some degree or other unless we are preparing for bed, preparing to shower or bathe or preparing to have sex. Because of the fact that being naked is not our normal state is in my opinion why being required to present myself naked to Mistress acts as such a powerful trigger in causing me to express my submission to her. I feel utterly exposed and extremely vulnerable. Being naked is a turn on mentally as well as physically. The mere act of being naked causes me to focus on the fact that the reason for me being naked is to provide my Mistress full access to any part of me she desires whenever she desires. My Mistress isn’t required to be physically present for the nakedness to be meaningful or for the exposed and vulnerable feelings to be significant and intense for me. It is still a reminder that I belong to her and of the pleasure of serving her and pleasing her as best I can. A reminder that I have chosen freely and willing to always be available ready to provide her with what she wants when she wants it.

Kneeling is the ultimate posture of submission and surrender. While kneeling before my Mistress, legs spread, back straight, hands on my knees palms up, head raised and eyes lowered, I indicate by bodily attitude, a total submission of not only my body but also my mind, will and heart to her control. It is an exterior manifestation of the reverence inspired by her domination and my complete submission and devotion to her. This simple act of surrender solidifies on a frequent and repetitive basis her authority over me. The physical dynamic of an assertive, dominant woman commanding me to assume this subservient posture position while nude provokes for me a powerfully satisfying sense of purpose and destiny. The act of kneeling before my Mistress and demonstrating my submissive personality provokes deeply satisfying feelings of place and purpose.

The Sunday mantra has the greatest effect in helping me maintain my submissive focus. More than any other aspect of my submission or of any other type of service I may perform. Maybe because it provides both the satisfaction of serving and the pleasure of being able to fulfill her needs and desires. I love the feeling of extreme vulnerability and though naked and exposed I feel no fear just calming peace, every nerve, and every cell tingling with excitement.