In Denial (Updated)

Orgasm denial also known as erotic sexual denial is something that has been at the forefront of my mind for the past many days because I am currently performing a denial task at the Academy. The practice of orgasm denial involves a person being kept in the plateau phase of the human sexual response cycle for an extended length of time without climax. The task I am performing is technically referred to as “tease and denial” because I am required to perform genital stimulation daily through masturbation where I am required to “edge” or bring myself to the very brink of when orgasm is inevitable before reducing or stopping the stimulation of my genitals, as many times as possible over a set period of time. There is an alternative form of erotic sexual denial termed “total denial” in which the person is subjected to complete denial of any sexually gratifying genital stimulation and is sometimes accomplished with the use of chastity belts or devices which physically prevents the person from touching or stimulating their genitals.

Until I began exploring BDSM and D/s I had never heard of orgasm denial and certainly had never practiced it. I have always enjoyed a healthy sex drive and when not in an intimate relationship, I tend to masturbate on a very regular basis. Such is the case for me at present, as I have taken a voluntary hiatus from vanilla relationships because I have just not found them very fulfilling in light of my submissive nature. I have actually come to the point where I believe it is actually unfair to engage in an intimate relationship with a female who I know is not capable or willing to embrace this aspect of my personality and sexuality, knowing that I will quickly become frustrated and lose interest.

At any rate, once I experienced denial for the first time, I instantly knew it was something I found extremely appealing. I readily admit that part of it is sexual. I very much like being repeatedly teased to the point of orgasm without being allowed to climax. This produces for me intense feelings of arousal as well as physiological and psychological need. I relish the build up, anticipation and the frustration denial produces as it serves in the end to make my orgasm much stronger and more satisfying than normal. Even with as little as three days of denial my orgasms go beyond simply a genital focused experience and become more of the “total body” orgasmic event that women sometimes talk about experiencing.

Before beginning this current task, I had not to my memory gone more than five days without an orgasm since I first began masturbating. As I write this it has now been nine days since I have had an orgasm. As a result I am experiencing both physical as well as mental effects of the denial. My testicles feel differently, they fell both heavy and full. Since the fourth day of the task, I have awakened each morning with an erection and felt immediate and incredible need for self stimulation. My penis becomes erect routinely during the day even when I am not particularly thinking about anything sexual. At times I experience precum leakage during the day with no stimulation whatsoever. In addition I find that not only my arousal is heightened but my other senses as well. Colors seem more vibrant, my sense of taste and smell seem enhanced and I feel increased levels of energy and creativity.

Physical manifestations aside, I also find orgasm denial appealing because of how it resonates with my submissiveness. Erotic sexual denial, in its various forms is associated with, through creation of a heightened state of sexual need, producing a more pliable and agreeable mindset for the person being denied. I certainly find this true for me as orgasm denial heightens my awareness of my submissive nature. It channels and focuses my submissive desires and brings clarity and direction to my life as a submissive male, especially in regards to my sexual energy being re-directed into submissive activities and focus on attention and service to my Mistress.

Orgasm denial is a powerful symbol of male sexual submission, of male vulnerability and of men losing sexual control. The practice is also a powerful tool that allows dominant females to exercise control and training over a highly intimate and psychologically significant part of their partners' lives. This can extend to tolerance of increased stimulation, and training both to hold back orgasm, or to orgasm on command. This technique gives the dominant partner enjoyable feelings of control and power and produces for the submissive male a strong reminder that he is being controlled.

Articles I have read indicate that subjects can be safely kept in denial for periods of around 2 to 4 weeks. Most sources agree that men should be permitted release generally after about fourteen days for health reasons, to reduce the risk of prostate cancer, inflammation, muscular atrophy, (orgasm involves the prostate muscles) or tissue damage to the prostate, as orgasms help to flush out the build up of toxins which accumulate within the prostate gland. When I began my current task, I made an informal goal of attempting 10 days of denial which will be twice the length I have ever experienced before. It remains to be seen if I will be able to accomplish that as I am very near the point of begging for release as I write this piece. But I do know that in the days to come, I would like to experience increasing periods of denial.

The marvelous intensity of my much anticipated orgasmic release aside, I very much like the discipline of imposed chastity as it enhances my submissive sensibilities. It helps me tremendously to focus on what is important; obedience and submission to my Mistress and what is not; my penis. And it is quite appealing to me at least to be allowed the occasional exquisitely powerful orgasms rather than experiencing more frequent but decidedly more ordinary ones.

Please Vote!

I want to thank all of those who have taken a moment to cast their vote in the current blog poll. Just to inform, my reason for providing the poll is to learn more about the demographics of those who visit and read my blog. Obviously there is a significant difference in the number who have visited and the number who have voted so I hope I might encourage those who haven't cast a vote to do so. Actually, already the results of a the poll have been an eye opener for me since I have learned that the majority of those who visit and read, based on poll numbers, are submissive men. Hopefully every person, regradless of gender, sexual orientation or D/s orientation, will find something of interest here but I do feel a responsibility to try and target the information I share to the majority. Please help make the poll a valid statistical sample by entering your vote before the current poll expires.

Sex in the Female Led Relationship

An interesting aspect of female led relationships to me is the question about how sex should be handled. As a normal male, I do of course enjoy having sexual intercourse with a woman but a part of me I admit views it as having the implication of equity by its very nature, the joining of two complementary parts. And there are positions; most notably “doggie style” and missionary with would actually place the submissive male in a rather dominant position in relation to the dominant female partner during intercourse. As a submissive male I am not sure I should ever be allowed to feel any equality with respect to my dominant female partner. I actually can say with all sincerity that I do subscribe to the ideology of Female Supremacy and I make no apologies for it. To me Female Supremacy, which I define simply as a harmonious environment where both sexes are valued and respected but the final decision in all matters is made by women, is the natural progression and logical extension of female dominated D/s lifestyle relationships. Given that I’m not sure how I feel about the idea of engaging in intercourse with a dominant female partner.

Many who engage in female led D/s relationships believe that intercourse should be eschewed for cunnilingus and strap-on sex. Should the female dominant partner feel the desire for intercourse then they maintain that the male submissive should only be allowed to penetrate her with a strap-on dildo rather than with his own penis. This does make some sense to me as it provides for the penetrative pleasure of the dominant female without the over-shadowing of equality that I alluded to earlier. The male himself is denied the pleasurable sensations associated with intercourse and of course the opportunity to orgasm. I do however know from past discussions with dominant women, that some do enjoy penetrative sex and penetration by an actual penis. Perhaps if this is allowed then as a minimum the submissive male should never be permitted to orgasm during intercourse.

With men in general it is pretty much an accepted fact that the longer a man goes without orgasm, the greater lengths he will go to in order to achieve one. In other words, a teased man will especially attentive and will do whatever his Mistress wishes. Conversely, once a man is sexually gratified, he not thinking about sex any longer for the moment and tends to be less sensitized to the needs and desires of the woman. Some submissive men even report that their submissive feelings ebb to the lowest point after they orgasm. This is the primary reason that many in the lifestyle believe that a man’s orgasm must be harnessed both figuratively and literally. He is conditioned to correlate denial of orgasm with punishment and fulfillment of orgasm as reward. He soon sees the opportunity to have an orgasm as a gift from his dominant, not as some entitlement. Some of the methods for exercising the practice of strict denial include;

• The submissive male is never allowed under any circumstances to masturbate, unless instructed to do so by his dominant female partner.


• The submissive male is never permitted to orgasm unless his Mistress has already done so and gives him permission.


• The dominant female never performs fellatio on her submissive male except perhaps in a limited sense when using it as a tease to exacerbate the effects of denial, to increase his arousal and enhance his feelings of submission.


• On those rare occasions when a submissive male is allowed sexual release, he should only be permitted to do so by either rubbing against something, such as the mattress, or by manual masturbation using his own hands.


• Orgasms should be used as a reward for submissive males but having an orgasm without permission should also be a punishable offense.


• Semen should be disposed of in a way that humiliates the male such as by oral consumption.


• The extreme method of controlling the submissive male’s orgasm by use of chastity control devices; chastity belts, tubes and the like should be employed whenever it is evident that the male lacks sufficient willpower and self-discipline to refrain from masturbating without permission. Many who endorse the use of chastity devices and the rationing of male orgasms believe that limiting the male to one release per week is a good starting point and he can be gradually conditioned from that point to longer periods of time until ideally, he is kept in denial for two to three weeks at a time. Even longer periods might be imposed to punish bad behavior.

Talking Points:

For Dominant Women: In your opinion should normal sexual intercourse be a part of a female led D/s relationship? If you believe penetrative sex is okay, then do you feel only positions should be used which do not place your submissive male in a dominant position to you during sex? How do you feel about the idea suggested that the submissive male be allowed only to penetrate you with a strap-on dildo instead of his actual penis?