Sunday, May 4, 2008

Sunday Musings: Service submission

While my Mistress does enjoy the aspect of my sexual submission, she does have a strong preference for and a definite appetite for service submission. This aspect she tells me is what is most meaningful to her and really addresses her dominant needs and desires. For my weekly ritual this week, once again she asked me to focus on the topic of service submission and I thought that it would be an excellent opportunity to delve a bit deeper into this concept for the benefit of the other submissive men that regularly read this blog.

In a real life, face-to-face, female led relationship, service submission implies the performance of functional domestic and household chores, acting as a waitress or waiter and the like. Also included under the umbrella of service submission would also be providing certain administrative tasks on behalf of a Mistress. Service submission also would include duties of more personal nature to Mistress.

It is quite easy to visualize possibilities for service in a real life female led relationship and a list of areas where a submissive man might serve is virtually endless. Just a few broad categories include;

  • Laundry (Including the hand washing of Mistress’s delicate lingerie items)
    Cooking (Might include preparing gourmet meals for Mistress as well as the attendant meal service and related dish washing duties)

  • Housecleaning (General cleaning, vacuuming, dusting and mopping)

  • Gardening

  • Pool maintenance if applicable

  • Shopping

  • Errand Running (Drop off mail, picking up mail, taking clothes to dry cleaner and picking them up, etc.)

  • Chauffeur duties

  • Waiting on Mistress (Fetching items for her so that she does not have to move from her comfort)

  • Bed turn down and make up services

  • Personal services (Bathing assistance, dressing assistance, massages, manicures, pedicures, etc.)

Yet when it comes to online, distance relationships, thinking of real, tangible ways to serve a Mistress becomes imminently more difficult. Still I think even in this environment, a submissive man has the responsibility for and should be focused on anticipating whatever needs his Mistress might have that he can address long distance and should make himself available at any time, day or night, to provide an unparalleled level of impeccable service to her in whatever ways possible. Her are a few broad categories of ideas I came with for distance relationship service submission;

  • Providing wake up calls if desired and needed

  • Providing daily weather information (for the Mistress’s locale)

  • Providing written summaries of current events and relevant news (world and locale specific) so that Mistress would not be required to spend time sifting through uninteresting media to find those things she found relevant and important

  • Reading service (The submissive could read periodicals of interest to Mistress and then provide her with written summaries of the portions she would be most interested in; or he could read books she suggests and then provide book reports to her so that she could decide whether she wished to devote time to reading it)

  • Movie and music reviews (Similar to the reading service above)
    Reminder service where the submissive would maintain a special events calendar for Mistress and then remind her say a week a head of time, 48 hours ahead of time and then the day before of important meetings, engagements, birthdays, anniversaries, etc.

  • Card service where the submissive was responsible for buying and mailing out birthday, anniversary, or get well cards either on schedule or when directed to do so, on Mistress’s behalf to her friends, family and acquaintances.

  • Proof-reading service for Mistress’s who have occasion to write things. For example, my Mistress participates in an online BDSM forum community and regularly writes task assignments and performer responses. The submissive could be responsible for proof-reading and offering suggestions within the scope of this type duty.

  • Tribute is another area with possibilities. Personally I am not into the financial domination kink and I consider the crass, commercially based online tribute “Mistresses” to be an abomination within our lifestyle, but for an online female led relationship I do think tribute could perform a role within the concept of service submission. I think as a tangible expression of his respect and devotion a submissive man might regularly “tribute” his Mistress by sending her thoughtful cards, flowers, chocolates, panties, etc. Small and inexpensive tokens which will serve to show he is appreciative of her and all that she adds to his life. Along these same lines, while it might not be possible for a submissive man in an online relationship to actually prepare and serve a gourmet meal to his Mistress, there is nothing that prevents him from sending her a gift card or certificate which allows her to go to a nice restaurant she would enjoy and receive very comparable treatment.

As you can see, while perhaps not as limitless or as easy to conceptualize, there are many fertile areas where possibilities for real service might be offered by a submissive even in an online, distance relationship.

Why is service submission important? I actually believe that service submission is what really defines the authentic submissive and the very concept of submission itself. In sexual submission, as a man I do enjoy the benefits of it as much if not more so than my Mistress. Sexual submission meets my needs and fulfills my own sexual fantasies. Service submission on the other hand, is often offered for the sole benefit of the Mistress and the submissive man’s only reward is the performance of the tasks for her benefit and the pleasure he receives from knowing that he has pleased her. This is the unselfish part of submission in my view. Some dominant women are only interested in service from their submissive and aren’t looking to engage in an intimate relationship. They aren’t looking for a lover or relational bonding but simply enjoy having someone pamper them and giving devoted attention to serving them.

What role do you see service submission playing in D/s relationships into which you might enter? Is it the basis or at least an important component? A normal part of the arrangement? A minor aspect? Or are you not interested in the service submission aspect at all? How would you answer the question; Are you the service submissive type? Yes? No? Not sure? Answering this question, I propose is very important to understanding yourself as to me the answer is sort of a litmus test of submission. It should be noted that ALL men, not just those who self-identify as submissive men, fantasize about and find erotic and arousing the idea of submitting sexually to a strong, confident and dominant woman. Who wouldn’t find it appealing to be taken in hand and used for a woman’s sexual pleasure in whatever way she saw fit? If this, the sexual submission aspect, is all on which you base your self-definition of submissive on, then I would have to suggest as kindly as possible that you are likely not submissive at all. I don’t think it too strong to state that how one feels when it comes to service submission is what really separates the men from the boys, or at least the submissive posers from the authentic submissive men. The measure of how deeply you feel the need to serve and the strength of your willingness to serve really demonstrate whether you are truly submissive or whether you just enjoy the same sexual fantasies about submission common to all men. Yes, sexual submission is a part of the equation and I enjoy that part of the lifestyle as much as anyone, yet it cannot be the sole focus of a D/s, female led relationship for anyone who hopes to be taken seriously as a true submissive man. For you if it’s all about the sexual fantasies and having your’s fulfilled by a dominant woman then I respectfully suggest you are engaging in the same distasteful sexual objectification of women that the majority of non-submissive men in our largely patriarchal society engage in, viewing women as only a means to an end of their own sexual gratification.


Anonymous said...

I feel that the submissive relationship is both the sexual and the non-sexual. It's delightful to think of that long list of tasks being done for me as I've been 'taking care of business' for myself since the age of 17 (I was a very mature teenager and moved out on my own after high school).

For someone here I would love to come home to dinner on the table and a foot rub while we listen to music. Long distance could include cards, notes, and definitely lingerie (my addiction!).

Great post. Even greater pic.

joe said...


Thanks again for a very thoughtful and well spoken comment. Yes, certainly there are both sexual and service components to the dynamics of a dominant/submissive committed relationship, I simply choose as a submissive man to leave that decision to the female whom I believe has the right to make it. As mentioned in the article, the fantasy of sexually submitting to woman is a very common male fantasy (third out of a list of ten that I found most recently). As I’m sure you understood I was merely making the point for the submissive men who regularly read my blog that we can’t make the mistake of failing to understand that the service aspect is just as important. Quite candidly, I can’t think of anything that would be more personally satisfying than serving a woman in the ways I enumerated and making her feel as special and appreciated as I really found her to be. Thanks again for contributing and I do deeply appreciate your thoughts and willingness to take time to post. Also, I’ll keep that tidbit of information (“lingerie – my addiction”) filed away. ;) Take care!