Tuesday, May 20, 2008

Submission: What's in it for the man?

In a word I think it’s the freedom! In modern, mostly patriarchal Western society, many men feel shackled and hindered by society's dictates and the double standards they must adhere to where relationships with women are concerned. In your average relationship all decisions must be either made by the male or at best things are decided mutually. The man's freedom is limited. Even at home he must continue to fill the same role and the same shoes he fills in the other aspects of his life. I think there are actually lots of men who wish they could live in submission to a female partner, yet they can't express this desire or express submissiveness for fear that it will attract their partner's ire. Men in ordinary modern relationships constantly come up against limits, boundaries, and constraints. A female led relationship sweeps all that away, freeing the man to act as he most wishes to do.

Being in a female led relationship would feel freeing for me. Letting go of the responsibility to make all the decisions, having to direct every event, is a concept I find liberating. I would of course like to have input and have my ideas, thoughts and feelings given serious consideration, but in the final analysis, I would covet a relationship where I’d have a partnership with a confident, dominant woman who would make the final decisions. I believe that lots of men who live in the modern world in “normal” male dominated relationships would find it freeing to trade all of that for a matriarchal type relationship. Going from ordinary relationships to a relationship in which you are allowed to submit and are freed of the responsibility to act as the head of the household I think would be incredibly liberating.

Being unable to express my submissiveness and having to keep it firmly in check and under wraps in accordance with society’s demands makes me feel stifled, shackled and feeling a real lack of contentment. Being in a situation where I could give free rein to behaving in the way to me that feels most natural would make me feel fully alive and free for the first time, as though I had finally arrived as a real and complete man.

To me having the freedom to focus completely on my partner, her needs, desires and wishes instead of being made to focus on making all the decisions affecting my life and hers, would offer profound feelings of freedom to pursue imaginative ways of making her feel special, adored, cherished and honored. I can easily imagine how such a relationship would make me feel eminently more effective as a relational partner and feel that nobody was holding me back, or preventing me from getting to where I truly wanted to be as a person.

With all the above said, there remains one other important aspect I can imagine about being in a female led relationship. I think it would make me feel supremely appreciated and loved by a woman. I would feel most accepted by the knowledge that she was willing to assume responsibility for the decision making and of being in control. I think women should never underestimate the importance of making a man feel accepted and appreciated and too often what men are made to feel is that their partner wants to change them. This is the antithesis of feeling acceptance as I think any person might agree that being made to feel that you aren’t accepted for who and what you are is very unsettling and upsetting. Should the day ever come when I meet a woman who can look me in the eye and acknowledge her willingness to lead our relationship, make the decisions, and hold me accountable to obey her every wish and desire, I am sure I’ll feel ten feet tall and feel a profound sense of peace and contentment. Such a circumstance would for the first time in my life, make me truly feel that someone was accepting and appreciating me for the man that I am.

Having a relationship such as I have described would to me be utterly fantastic. I would feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude to a woman that gave me permission to worship at her feet, serve her in every imaginable way and pay continuous and sincere homage to her dominant femininity. In such a relationship I would feel truly free. I have to believe that somewhere on the planet there is a woman such as I’ve described who could love me enough to accept my submission to her and set me free. What more could any man ask for?

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