Monday, August 11, 2008

What is a utopia? Why do we seek it?


After a lengthy hiatus from this blog I felt motivated to post something today. Perhaps more out of consideration for those of you that have done me the past kindness of reading what I have written rather than from inspiration. During my absence I have done considerable thinking and once again I am in what lifestyle people would term a “vanilla” relationship. While not perfect, it does in many ways meet the basic needs of the human experience and I find satisfaction and contentment within it.

Perhaps my desire and search for a dominant female partner interested in pursuing a female led relationship was a bit too utopian. The roots of the word “Utopia” in the ancient Greek actually mean “no place” or “a place that does not exist.” And yet, it is a timeless, relevant human desire to find such a place. Sir Thomas Moore conceptualized “Utopia” as the name for an ideal society, in his book written in 1516 describing a fictional island in the Atlantic Ocean, possessing a seemingly perfect socio-politico-legal system. “Utopia” is sometimes used pejoratively, in reference to an unrealistic ideal that is impossible to achieve.

After much thought and research, I have come to conclude that my expectations at least for this day and time are simply not realistic. There is too much evolutionary conditioning to overcome on the part of both sexes. Society continues to raise male offspring to be dominant and female offspring to be submissive. Even those women who possess natural dominance I think succumb to the perpetuation of the species “prime directive” I have written about previously and are inextricably drawn to strong, dominant, take-charge men rather than sensitive, submissive types. Even among the more enlightened females, I think submission continues to be equated with weakness even if on an unconscious level.

Matriarchal society may at some point in the future develop and thrive, but I have come to seriously doubt I will experience that in my lifetime. Better I have decided to suppress the submissive side of my nature and knuckle under to the expectations of society and be the “normal” assertive, dominant partner in a relationship than to long for an unrealistic ideal.

11 comments:

Anonymous said...

You are in no position to make these atatements. How long have you looked for a dominant woman? Are you a desirable submissive? Where have you been looking? Geesh, you give up too soon to be worth much as a submissive.

Verity

Tony said...

I understand your feelings and emotions but I hate to see you give up. I've been married to aN absolutely wonderful woman for the past 6 years. We decided to try switching roles almost 3 years ago and we both very happy to have done so. It's not about kink, pain or all about the bedroom.

Though we both have a career, I have assumed the role of the submissive husband. I have assumed the role of homemaker.

She has almost full control over our finances. I'm allowed a weekly allowance and may use our debit card for grocery shopping and a credit card to put gas in our cars. Otherwise, i need her approval before spending any other money except for emergencies.

She is a great cook and used to all of cooking in spite of the fact that I can cook. Now, the weekdays are mine and she has the weekends where she has the time to make creative & tasty meals.

I won't get into any specifics as far as our lovemaking goes, but she is in charge in the bedroom, too.

She never would have suggested a wife-led marriage, but she's very glad I brought it up. Se's even stated that it's no longer a game, but our chosen lifestyle.

I just found your blog and have read just this one post, but if what I have catches your interest, my suggestion is to not give up... There are women out there that are definitely interested in such a relationship. On many occasions my wife's friends quite envious, in a nice way, of what she has.

Whatever your course, good luck!

His Keeper said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
His Keeper said...

You can not expect the world to become utopia, but you can expect your life to be what you need it to be. More and more everyday woman or doing exactly the opposite of what you are assuming is going on. If you can not have faith to be yourself and find what you are looking for then you won't.What you think about you bring about

Anonymous said...

I'm glad you've posted again! I was a little worried.

I'm glad you're happy in your relationship. Finding a compatible partner is hard, and adding kink just makes it worse. You know what's best for you and your life. And, who knows, maybe something will change in the future. Maybe your new girlfriend has fantasies she'd like to share with you, you never know.

Good luck with everything.

Anonymous said...

As a lurker and reader of your blog, I can only quote word for word "anonymous" who wrote just before me.

I can only wish you all the best...and I hope you'll never lose hope of finding a Domme; sometimes you stumble upon what you desire just when you're about ready to give up.

Miss Honey said...

So glad you are not dead... you know... a simple email would have relieved a lot of anxiety for those who cared about you, and imagine this, but I thought I was a friend.

I am glad you are well... but for someone who goes on and on about being sensetive and submissive, you treated this dominant... horribly. Not even the basic common curtesies.

Miss Honey said...

but... really am glad you are not dead as I feared.

Female In Charge said...

I think that everyone gets frustrated with the search for a good partner, whether you are a sub man or a dominant women.

Do not be surprised if you find that you cannot suppress your sub tendencies. I've yet to find a sub man who hasn't tried to suppress things, and yet to find one for whom it has made them immensely unhappy to do so.

Laura said...

The search for a submissive is just as hard as the search for a Dominant. It may seem there are lots of sub men around if you look online at chat rooms, forums and such. But, in the years I have been looking I have found many disappointments. Most of the men want a McDomme, not me. I've met another man and I have hopes. But, until that first face to face meeting you can't really know anything for sure. No matter what he says in email he can soon become a McDomme man in person.

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