Oral Servitude

As I enter the fourth day of an orgasm denial assignment from my Mistress, I admit that my level of sexual arousal is extremely high right now. Consequently it isn’t really surprising that my mind is quite focused now on an overtly sexual act like cunnilingus. It has been more than ten months since I have had the honor of serving a woman orally and of course that has been too long since I feel such a strong attraction for it.

For me there is no greater privilege than being permitted to lick, kiss and tease a woman in just the way she wants it, bringing her to orgasmic satisfaction and delight for as long and as often as she desires it. I truly never tire of this activity nor lose my enthusiasm for it. Energetically and enthusiastically my mouth and tongue are primed to surrender themselves to the needs and desires of the sacrosanct, tender and beautiful folds of her most prominent symbol of femininity. Cunnilingus is nothing less than offering my reverential attention at the altar of a Goddess. It both celebrates her femininity as well as her position of dominance and womanliness and instantly reminds me of my responsibility to serve her with reverence and submission by giving my attentive and enthusiastic worship to the sacred petals of her flower of womanhood.

Even when not in a heightened state of horniness as is the case today, I still very frequently fantasize about worshipping my Mistress by giving her pleasing cunnilingus. While fantasizing I vary in my mind the positions I envision her in as I imagine the act. One position that really appeals to me is having her elevated on a bed, on her knees with her bottom pushed high in the air and her legs widely spread, making herself completely available to my respectful ministrations as I kneel on the floor behind her. This position would not only give me access to her labia and clit, but would also allow me to give her analingus as well. I also like to imagine kneeling in front of her while she stands with her legs widely spread and often this fantasy takes place in a shower scenario. Another favorite is imagining me laying on my back as she kneels over my face, seated regally on my upper chest and grinding her lips and clit against my mouth and tongue as I service her. Actually as I think of it, there are endless positions that could be used for this most delightful and arousing act of respectful oral servitude. Of course should this be a priviledge actually ever bestowed on me the position would always be her choice and not my own.

Cunnilingus does in very meaningful and profound ways reinforce my role and nature as a submissive male, accomplishing simultaneously varied objectives;

• It establishes her in her rightful female superior position illustrating her absolute control and dominance over the male serving her as most positions for oral sex place him in a submissive position in relation to her.


• It is obviously “her focused” as the male gives strict attention to her pleasure, needs and orgasmic delight.


• It is a powerful illustration of unselfishness on the part of the male as he concentrates solely on her sexual pleasure with no thought to his own.


• It provides her complete control over her own sexual pleasure and gratification.


• It is a delightful privilege for the submissive male as it effectively allows him to demonstrate his eager desire to worship and please his dominant female partner.


• It is an exciting and powerful reminder to the male of her complete power and authority over him giving him a deeper awareness and experience of his submissiveness.
  
  Ability to provide a woman with pleasurable oral stimulation especially with respect to efficiently producing orgasms for her, clearly is a significant part of the sexual equation with regards to female led relationships and a skill I feel the man has a responsibility to learn how to do properly. I think the woman has every right to expect that in giving directions she should only be required to demand oral servitude whenever it suits her but she should never need to explain to the man the basics of female anatomy or technique. Part of being the woman and being in control to me is the woman’s inalienable right to have her man at her beck and call for her orgasmic pleasure whenever she wants cunnilingus. As a submissive man who very much wants to please I am never satisfied that I know enough about the techniques of serving a woman in this way but am continually on the lookout for more advanced methods of giving a woman pleasure orally. I think this just makes good sense and positions me to become a much more pleasing submissive.

Talking Point:

For Women: Do you have a favorite position that you enjoy when receiving a man's respectful oral servitude? If so, please share it.

Cuckoldry

As I continue to study the role of a submissive to better understand this part of my own nature, I continue to learn about new methods and practices that are used in female led relationships to deepen both the submissive male’s experience of his own submissive nature as well help him learn as to offer sincere and complete devotion, servitude, obedience and submission to his female dominant partner. Interestingly I just recently came across a blog that is written by an extremely interesting and talented dominant female who introduces the concept of cuckolding by recounting real life experiences in cuckolding shared with her submissive husband. Following is a short excerpt from her blog in which she shares details of this intriguing practice;

"I opened my eyes to see that Jim had grown fully erect. It had been a very long time since I had put a penis in my mouth. I had abandoned long ago and forever the notion of servicing my husband. At this occasion, however, I was suddenly struck with a desire to put all of Jim's cock into my mouth. Again, with one leg on the floor and one on the bed, he positioned himself in such a way as to accommodate my hunger. With my eyes again closed I put my mouth on his balls, ran my tongue up the length of him and finally swallowed the head of his cock. My eyes opened to see my husband gazing intently at my lust. I pulled my mouth off of Jim only long enough to smile wickedly at my husband. When I returned to sucking my lover's cock, I kept my eyes affixed on my husband's eyes. He was at once transfixed and far away.

I held out my hand for my husband to take. I had him rise from his knees and I delivered his hand to my lovers cock. I suspected that he might do so very gingerly, as if he was holding something he found offensive to touch. He surprised me by wrapping his fingers around the base of Jim's cock and holding it with an almost erotic grasp. With his other hand, he held the tip of Jim's cock just below the head. He guided it to my waiting body and positioned it on the warm, wet lips that had so long been reserved only for matrimonial pleasures shared between husband and wife. I watched his gaze go from Jim's cock to Jim's eyes.

"Tell him," I said.

"I want you inside her," he told Jim.

"So be it," said Jim, "I'm going to fuck your wife."

With that, Jim's cock slipped inside me, guided only at first by my husband's hand. Then my husband stepped back and watched my flesh give way as Jim took me as his lover. He let his one leg fall back to the floor so that he could gain greater leverage as he rhythmically stroked his heavily veined, magnificent cock in and out of my body. I allowed myself to forget about my husband as I became a vixen bitch for this powerful man. My fingers pulled at his chest hairs, my breasts shook as my body was rocked by his thrusting hips. I arched my back and pointed my toes to the ceiling. I was having orgasm after orgasm and my desire for it to go on forever was only matched by my need to feel his warm ejaculation inside me. Ultimately, Jim gritted his teeth, dug his nails into my shoulders, and exploded.

I put my hand between my legs. I could feel Jim's warm seed leaking from my body. I touched it and brought it up to my husband's lips. He closed his eyes and sucked it off of my finger with an animal hunger that reminded me that his own passions were not spent. I opened my legs for him and he climbed onto the bed to position his mouth on my dripping pussy. And with this mystical potion of my lust and my lover's seed, he completed his metamorphosis into cuckoldry."

Is that erotic or what? The blog writer, Katherine, a newly emerged dominant woman at the time of the post excerpt and her submissive husband were discovering the joys of cuckolding and in the post she shares the details of that experience. She brings home another man and takes him as her lover while her husband not only watches his wife during the sexual intimate encounter but also actively participates. He actually guides the lover’s cock into Katherine’s pussy for the first time, performs cunnilingus on her after her lover had cum inside her and the blog goes on to detail how at times Katherine requires her husband to perform fellatio on her male lovers.

I suppose one thing that makes cuckolding such an erotic contemplation is the fact that in most committed relationships, monogamy is the standard that both partners are expected to live up to. But in reality of course, it is well documented that a good deal of “cheating” goes on secretly both in marriage relationships and other committed relationships, and either partner is equally likely to become involved in extra-relational intimate affairs. Yet in cuckolding, both consensually and by design the female dominant partner is allowed to openly take on additional sexual partners while the male submissive partner remains either monogamous or denied sex altogether, aside from performing oral sex. Interesting enough Katherine was introduced to both dominance and cuckolding by her submissive husband, who asked her to participate in it. In her blog she explains that
she loves and is devoted to her husband, but wanted him to understand and come in to a deep sense of submission as she is romantically taken by another man.

Consulting Wikipedia, I found this definition for cuckolding:

"The term has made a resurgence in the late 20th century amongst couples with a dominant female allowed to take on additional partners, and a submissive male is either monogamous to her or is denied sex altogether, aside from performing oral sex. Some dominant women have their male partner watch them have sex with others, but the more common practice is for the domme to go out on dates, while her sub or slave stays at home. Some dominants have their sub or slave perform oral sex on them after they have had sex with another man. In some cases, the dominant woman's sex partner may be submissive to her, while other times, she simply engages in vanilla sex with him.

Cuckolding among female-dominant couples differs from the original definition of cuckolding in that many of these men are voluntarily "cuckolded" by their wives, as part of the husband's sexual fantasy of gaining sexual pleasure from being humiliated by his wife and often the husband may even be the instigator of this practice by requesting it."

One reason for my interest in the practice of cuckolding is my own D/s relationship with my Mistress. For those who may have read Mistress Lily’s new blog, you learned that she is engaged and that her fiancé is a switch, so at times she submits to him and at other times he performs in the role as her submissive. She has shared with me on several occasions that she has a recurring fantasy to have both her fiancé and I both pleasure her at the same time and she believes this is something she would truly enjoy. So if that fantasy should ever become a reality, in a sense both he and I will have an opportunity to receive some practical experience in cuckolding. My Mistress has explained that at times she would want both of us pleasuring her simultaneously but at other times she would require one of us to watch while she engaged in one on one sex with the other. My Mistress tells me that she has discussed this fantasy with her fiancé and that he is fine with the idea, however I rather suspect due to the differences in our respective roles, and the fact that his relationship with her pre-dates my own, this might be much easier and more of an attractive idea for me than for him. Yet if the details could be worked out, I admit I find this idea extremely interesting as well as arousing.

Talking Points:

For Dominant Women: How do you feel about cuckolding? Is this something you would be interested in exploring with your own submissive man? If so, would you choose to actively involve him? If so, to what degree?

For Submissive Men: Is cuckolding something you would be interested in experiencing? If so, is it the humiliation aspect of this that you feel speaks most strongly to your submissive nature or is it something else that you find attracts you to this practice?

For All: Have you ever engaged in the practice and if so, what was the experience like for you and your partner?

Sunday Mantra

Today my post is dedicated to sharing my report to my Mistress on my experiences with the observance of our weekly mantra…

My Dear Mistress,

For this week's mantra, I began my preparations again on Saturday evening by freshly trimming my pubic hair and then by using a razor to shape the area in an attractive manner and to smoothly shave my scrotum area. I keep this area well maintained for you just as if I am always expecting your personal inspection.

I postponed performance of our weekly ritual until the afternoon because I was focused on the orgasm denial task I am also currently performing for you. I have been experiencing the most incredibly high state of arousal since beginning the task on Saturday and this of course carried over into my weekly mantra performance this afternoon. I took a nice hot shower so that I felt fresh and clean and after drying off, I put your collar on my neck and went to our special place reserved for our Sunday ritual. This week you did not give me any special instructions beyond the topic for the week that I was to focus on. So I kneeled for you in the corner, knees widely spread, back straight, head held eye and eyes downcast. Today I chose to modify the position slightly by placing my arms behind my back with my wrists crosses, as if waiting to be bound. I then closed my eyes and thought about you and considered what thoughts I might share with you about the topic for today. Continuing my practice of extending the length of time I kneel for you in honor of your authority and control over me, this week I remained in my submissive position for forty minutes. After completing that portion of the mantra, I then sat down and composed my response to the topic you assigned me.

Topic Assignment: “Lately we've been talking about our fantasies, and I think that your first major task from me you're hopefully describing the fantasy of what you'd want us to do in our first meeting. For your Sunday Mantra I would like you to consider fantasies, both yours and mine, and what roles these may play in a D/s relationship.”

Sexual fantasies are deliberate patterns of thoughts which we use with the goal of creating or enhancing sexual feelings and arousal. This mental imagery usually involves specific sexual things that an individual considers erotic. A fantasy can be a long, drawn-out story simply a quick mental flash of sexual imagery. We are motivated to indulge ourselves in fantasies for a wide range of reasons such as achieving sexual arousal, reaching orgasm, or simply to pass them time or help us to fall asleep.

I feel that indulging in fantasies is a normal and healthy part of sex for men and women. In fact, many who have researched this phenomenon believe that a rich fantasy life actually leads to better sexual experiences for those who engage in fantasies. I think that a sexual fantasy may be a positive or negative experience, or even both. It can reflect our actual past experiences as well as influence our future sexual encounters.
I think we sometimes use sexual fantasies to experience very real and intense sexual feelings and at other times our intent may be more of a whimsical pursuit. For example, I often fantasize about engaging in certain sexual acts with you that I would really want to experience if we were together. A few examples include such things as giving you a sensual full body massage, performing cunnilingus or analingus on you, kissing and licking your body all over from head to toe in devoted worship, having you straddle by face and smothering my face and mouth with your pussy while I give you oral sex, having you use my cock to pleasure yourself sexually, and even from time to time simply imagining us having normal intercourse. Having you take me with a strap on is another frequent fantasy I have and that is something I could also easily imagine trying. Sometimes I even fantasize about serving you in less overt sexual ways such as bringing you food or drink, drawing your bath water, performing chores for you, etc. But these are also fantasies that do produce sexual arousal for me because for some reason I link pleasing you with the sexual.

In the more whimsical realm, I like many people I expect, sometimes fantasize about sexual things which I would not actually wish to enact sexually in real life. A good example which I recently shared with you was my fantasy about you giving me an over the knee spanking in a public place, like a park setting, where a few curious bystanders witnessed the scene. I do of course find this mentally to be extremely arousing, but on a number of levels it is far too intimidating and scary to me for me to actually wish to do it. I have many fantasies of this sort involving things I do enjoy imagining and find arousing, but that I would not actually do in real life. I think this is one of the most attractive aspects of sexual fantasies as we can explore things that escape real-life sexual restraints and imagine ourselves being subjected to things like being raped, kidnapped or even castrated, which of course would be extremely dangerous or even illegal to do in real life. Since the fantasy process is entirely imaginary, I don’t think we are limited to the acceptable or practical and we can choose to use fantasy as an outlet for imagining engaging in any of the most wild, lustful things that we can imagine without the restrictions of societal taboo. In other words it gives us the license to safely explore the forbidden.

I happened to find a list of the “ten most common” sexual fantasies for men and so I will conclude my report this week by commenting on how these may apply to me;

1. Sexual fantasies about having sex with your current partner. (This was also number one for women as well).

This one certainly applies to me as I often fantasize about things I would like to experience with you sexually. Since I am not presently in a real life intimate relationship, then in a very real sense I do see you as my current partner so naturally my sexual thoughts are focused on you.

2. Having sex with a woman other than your partner.

While I seem most focused on you these days, I have in the past indulged in fantasies about having sex past lover’s, celebrities, and even women who were perfect strangers.

3. Giving or receiving oral sex.

This one also applies to me but I do tend to fantasize much more about giving oral sex to a woman than receiving it. When fantasizing about receiving it, I tend mostly to imagine her using oral sex as a means of teasing me rather than to bring me to orgasm.

4. Sex with two or more women at the same time.

Yes, a common fantasy for me but I have never indulged in this particular fantasy in the sense of me playing the role of some “super stud” capable of satisfying more than one woman at a time. I tend to fantasize about having to give multiple women oral sex or watching them involved in girl on girl.

5. Voyeurism and Exhibitionism.

Yes, I do have these fantasies as well, but I tend more towards the voyeurism aspect than the exhibitionism in that I fantasize for example about being made to watch while your lover ravages you. My exhibition fantasies usually center on scenarios where you force me to expose myself in situations that cause me to feel embarrassed or humiliated. For example, we go to party at one of your friend’s house and you make me remove all my clothing and expose myself for their amusement.

6. Having your partner masturbate for you.

Oh yes, I think about this one quite a lot and imagine watching you masturbate as a means of teasing me when you are making me endure orgasm denial.

7. Having anal sex.

This does apply but mostly my fantasies about this involve you taking me with a strap on or using toys in my bottom.

8. Sadomasochistic (S and M) fantasies.

Definitely yes on this one as I do often fantasize about things like being bound, whipped, and spanked. While of course I would also be willing and eager to engage in all of those things in real life, in my fantasies they are usually more extreme than I’d really want to experience in real life. For example, being in bondage for days or being whipped, canned, or cropped in a more extreme way than I might actual enjoy in real life.

9. Sexual ravaging.

I do have fantasies of this sort in the sense of being forced to have sex with a woman which of course indulges my submissive sexual side. On of my favorites in the category is my Mistress requiring me to service one of her friends.

10. Sex with another man.

I do admit to having this sort of fantasy from time to time but I actually am not sexually attracted to other men. I was actually relieved to find this is a common fantasy for men. My fantasies in one on one situations always involve the scenario of being over-powered and forced. But I actually do enjoy those occasionally. Also I experience these fantasies in the sense of a being a part of a threesome with another male being present. In those we don’t actually engage in intimacy with each other but are both focused on pleasuring the woman or one of us is made to watch while she has sex with the other.

In summary I do feel that sexual fantasies is a normal and healthy part of our sex lives and I think they play a very important role in our relationship since we are involved in a distance relationship and aren’t able to experience things together physically.

With all devotion,
CJ

Art: The Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife by Hokusai, is an artistic depiction of a sexual fantasy.

Forced Chastity

Beginning a special task for my Mistress today which features orgasm denial likely is what brought this to the forefront of my mind again and caused me to want to write about this topic today. I have however spent a good deal of time exploring the idea of forced chastity since learning about it. Actually I very much enjoy orgasm denial activities because as my arousal builds, my submissive feelings deepen. And I really view forced chastity as the ultimate in orgasm denial activities. I suspect that I might actually be able to launch into sub space simply from experiencing this activity if I could be denied for a sufficient period of time. How long a period that would require I have no idea, as I have never gone without an orgasm for more than a week since discovering the joys of self-pleasure during puberty.

There are a number of alternatives that a Mistress could employ in putting her trusty male submissive on a forced chastity regimen. The method that most appeals to me is the use of a locked chastity tube device. The trade photograph I used above gives even someone who is not familiar with these the basic idea of how they work. The photograph is of a CB-6000 and the CB series is really it appears, the gold standard in the particular arena. There are several models to choose from, the CB-6000 being the top of the line in these models, but only one of those available in the series. Less expensive but equally effective models are available. The CB series consists of a molded clear plastic tube which is fitted over the flaccid penis and then connected to a cock ring affair that goes over the base of the penis and behind the balls. At the connection point, a point is provided where a lock can be attached. The device does several things simultaneously. It completely removes a man’s access to his penis and stops masturbation in its tracks. It also serves to retard erections by keeping the penis encased. Provisions have been made in the design to allow for urination and the conduct of personal hygiene while the device is installed. One benefit of the CB series is the plastic construction which makes them airport screening friendly. Chastity devices are available from other manufactures that are made of stainless metal construction but these would of course lead to embarrassing invasive searches if the man wearing on of those has to fly frequently or pass through other security screenings in the course of his employment. I must admit the metal ones do look very sexy to me and I think the feel would be great. Yet, I have to admit the plastic CB devices are more practical.

At least to me one of the most erotic attractions of these devices is the “padlock” feature. One’s Mistress becomes the official “key holder” of a serialized padlock. It is recommended that some method be created to provide for access to a key by the male in extreme emergencies, but for all intents and purpose, the mistress is the sole key holder. The device cannot be removed without either the key or by cutting off the lock. The later is discouraged by the fact that the special locks have serial numbers so the male could not possibly cut his off and then simply replace it with a similar one to hide the fact that he had removed his device. So quite literally, the man is at the mercy of his key holder

I truly believe I would enjoy the experience of one of these devices which would help to control my orgasm as well as even eliminate opportunities for erections. As most men do, I tend to consider erections as something I must do something about. As I have shared before, I like most men, am a prisoner of my penis. Arousal continually tempts me weakening resolve and stealing attention away from the needs and desires of my Mistress.

As a virile, sexual, and easily aroused submissive man, I'm horny a good part of the time. One effective way for my dominant female partner to take complete control of my penis and orgasms would be to put me into a physical chastity device removing not just the temptation of orgasm but masturbation as well. Keeping me “locked up” would result in my sexual release being prescribed for me on terms dictated by my dominant female.

Some release is needed to maintain health as having orgasms are a part of maintaining healthy prostate health for men. I have seen conflicting information but generally it seems that most people who practice orgasm denial suggest men should be allowed to orgasm at least every two weeks to a month for health reasons. However, there is also another intriguing activity, known as prostate “milking” which can accomplish the prostate health function without the male actually experiencing a typical erotically produced orgasm. But I’ll save that topic for another day.

Talking Point:

For Dominant Women: Would you consider putting your submissive man into physical chastity? If so, how often would you allow him sexual release?

Give and Take

Something my Mistress recently wrote motivated me to write about this particular topic today concerning the give and take aspects of a successful D/s relationship. While the submissive male should, and rightfully so I believe, place his Mistress upon a proverbial pedestal out of respect, admiration and adoration of her as an assertive, dominant woman, I do also clearly understand that within the dynamics of a D/s relationship, both bring positive contributions to the table for the benefit of the other. It’s simply a matter of a mathematical equation so to speak. One functioning dominant plus one functioning submissive equals a D/s relationship. Without the one there would really be little point to the existence of the other. I also believe that my submission and her dominance need to be nurtured regularly with rituals and acts of domination and of submission so that we both can experience growth in our respective roles.

Obviously, I am much more qualified to speak on the subject of submission than to speculate about what it may be like from the perspective of a dominant woman and to guess at exactly what activities nurture her dominance and satisfy her dominant needs. So rather than speculate about that which I don’t know, I will confine myself to speaking about that part I do know from personal experience. A submissive male needs a Mistress to regularly push his submissive buttons to help him maintain consistent submission. Submission is in part a mental condition and to be maintained frequent reminders of his commitment to his Mistress are needed. Try as we might it is difficult for us to constantly maintain a focus on always putting our Mistress’ needs first not withstanding the fact that at the center of our submissive male hearts is the desire to please. Even a submissive male’s “macho attitude” can sometimes rear its ugly head unless our Mistress makes it her goal to keep our minds sharply focused on our submission to her and her happiness. Sharing activities that signify our male surrender affirm her female superiority and I think are essential to the long term success of a D/s relationship. In turn these activities affirm for the submissive man that the source of his pleasure is principally derived from serving and adoring his Mistress. This helps him to keep the right mental attitude and also enhances the erotic tension within the relationship.

A female led D/s lifestyle relationship, contains these important elements, an exchange of power, male submission, obedience and control. With these integrated ingredients a couple preserves a balanced relationship and are happy and fulfilled people and can achieve long lasting intimacy. While my Mistress and I are both still learning our respective roles I think we are both growing and consequently we are allowing our relationship to evolve naturally. One thing I feel that my Mistress seems to intuitively understand is that ensuring that I belong to her mentally is the foundation on which our relationship is built as we engage more often in more mental type pursuits rather than physical ones simply due to the character of our relationship, which is an online based distance relationship. She does, in my opinion, a very effective job of bringing creative techniques to bear which remind me of my submissive role and that help keep our relationship fresh and vibrant.

There are many techniques and practices she uses, buttons she pushes to help me maintain focus and help me to maintain consistent submission. Rituals, assignments and the use of mild humiliation are tools she uses which help keep my mind and actions focused on pleasing her. While she hasn’t yet found it necessary to discipline me, she very effectively holds forth the specter of potential discipline so that I take very seriously the fact that she would not hesitate to employ that tool at any time she felt that I needed to sharpen my Mistress pleasing skills. Another very effective method she employs is through effectively projecting herself to me as a caring, loving, and nurturing female authority figure. While she has me convinced that she will not hesitate to punish wrong doings on my part severely, she also liberally gives me mental hugs and kisses, praise and encouragement, all of which serve to stir my submissive nature and keep me focused on serving and pleasing her.

Much of what I have shared thus far accentuates the mental aspects but she is also adept at interjecting the necessary physical components as well. She regularly sends me written communications that mention my submissive behavior and she addresses me as “her” sub, pet, naughty one, etc., all terms that help me focus both on her ownership and my submission. She encourages me in writing this blog which serves as a journal of sorts in which I record my thoughts and submissive feelings. She also comments on what I write frequently so that I am aware of the fact that she reads my blog and considers it an important part of our relationship. She also devises creative physical assignments for me to perform which help keep me sexually aroused and at times pleasingly frustrated. The most amazing discovery I have made thus far as far as the physical part of our relationship is that she has a talent for keeping me high on an ascending arousal plateau for long periods of time. Even when she gives me an assignment that allows me to masturbate to orgasm, shortly after I climax, already my arousal is again building once again so that I always have this richly rewarding feeling of always being left wanting more. Despite the fact she is new to exercising her dominant side, I truly find my Mistress has a rich natural talent for helping me to remain focused, vibrantly submissive and sexually aroused with all the ways she so deftly combines the tools at her disposal to wield her powerful female dominance and make me feel and experience it in very realistic ways. I can only hope that my efforts at offering my sincere submission, service and obedience to her, help to fuel and empower her dominance in a hopefully similar effective manner.

Talking Point: Do you believe both the domiant and submissive contribute equally to the relationship or do you feel that one or the other contributes more to its success?