My Continued Evolution as a Feminist

Feminism is a concept that for many holds a very negative connotation. There is for example the stereotype that comes to the minds of many whenever they hear the term of angry, hairy, man-hating lesbians. The man-hating part I think is predominantly a myth constructed in order to foster a negative view of feminism and to promote the idea that feminism is actually nothing more than reverse sexism. It's also partly the fault of women who go around saying things like, "All men are bastards," which frankly is usually because they only go out with bastards. In general the myth has little if anything to do with feminism. I’m sure that there are women who hate men and probably for good reason but being a feminist does not per se imply a hatred or rejection of men.

In general feminism is both an intellectual commitment and a political movement that seeks justice for women and the end of sexism in all forms. As with any political movement, there are extremes and some women who identify with the feminist movement have some pretty radical and extremist views. Like many groups who have historically suffered discrimination, exploitation and victimization, I think it only natural that some women might feel that after thousands of years of oppression it is high time that they were on top of the food chain and held the position of supreme gender. Yet female supremacy is not really mainstream feminism which seeks not supremacy but simply equality and freedom from gender based discrimination.

I believe women and men must share a common understanding and a basic knowledge of what feminism is and what it is about if it is ever to be a powerful mass-based political movement. By defining feminism broadly as a movement to end sexism and sexist oppression both women and men could work toward a common and what I believe to be a desirable goal.

There are two basic underlying tenants of feminism; 1) men and women are entitled to equal rights and respect, and 2) women are currently disadvantaged with respect to rights and respect, compared with men. While it is true that in recent years progress has been made and women are in a somewhat more advantageous position than in times past, to say that in all cases women are treated with equal rights and respect and enjoy all of the same advantages as men would be naïve. There are still many jobs in the workplace where women and men perform essentially the same tasks or very comparable ones and yet men receive higher salaries. There remain in certain occupations “glass ceilings” which preclude women from the same promotional opportunities enjoyed by men. While especially in the last decade, certain careers that traditionally excluded women altogether or at least severely curtailed equal opportunities have been opened to women, yet it is relatively easy to find examples within those same career fields where qualification standards still exist with the unmistakable design of discouraging or preventing women from applying for or advancing in them. Any fair minded person would not be able to deny that discrimination against a person based simply on gender is just wrong.

In addition to discrimination, women are also subjected to other forms of oppression simply because they are women. For example, Iris Young, author and former Professor of Political Science at the University of Chicago, affiliated with the Center for Gender Studies describes five “faces” of oppression: exploitation, marginalization, powerlessness, cultural imperialism, and systematic violence. Oppression exists where women, and those who appear to be women, are subjected to wrongs and/or injustices at least in part because they are or appear to be women.

One of the most insidious forms of exploitation in my opinion is the sexual objectification of women. Sexual objectification occurs when a person is seen as a sexual object and their sexual attributes and physical attractiveness are separated from the rest of their personality and existence as an individual. They are reduced to instruments of pleasure for another person. The concept of female sexual objectification plays an important role in the inequality of the sexes. When a woman is subjected to sexual objectification she is often figuratively dismembered by men and instead of being viewed as a person, with feelings, needs, hopes, dreams, fears and valid opinions, she is instead viewed as a pair of shapely legs, a pair of breasts, an ass or a vagina; and all of those parts viewed solely in terms of their usefulness for the sexual gratification of men. In its most extreme form, sexual objectification results in victimization – rape and physical assault. Objectification of people makes violence against them seem acceptable and legitimate. To understand objectification, simply contemplate how American soldiers viewed adversaries throughout the history of our armed conflicts; in the Civil War Confederates were seen as “Rebs” and Unionists were seen as “Yankees” – in World War II Germans were “Nazis” and Japanense were “Japs” – in Vietnam, Vietnamese were “Gooks” and in the Middle East wars, Arabs were often referred to as “Rag Heads”. It is always easier to commit violence against another once that person has been de-personalized and reduced to an object. Sexual objectification has also resulted in a myriad of debilitating issues for women. Many women suffer from extreme body image dissatisfaction because they are constantly bombarded with images of thin, busty, beautiful and flawless, air-brushed and unrealistic images of females portrayed by the media and in film. This has resulted in eating disorders on almost an epidemic scale as well as unhealthy diet regimens, unprecedented demand for cosmetic plastic surgeries and depressive disorders. Clearly, sexual objectification is one form of oppression that women are subjected to.

While I’m not a woman, I still think it very possible for me to consider myself a feminist because I support the ideals of equal rights and respect for women and the eradication of all forms of sexism. As I’ve said before, I feel submissive men and feminists are natural allies in the sense we do share a common views and beliefs about equal rights and gender roles that are diametrically opposed to those held by patriarchal society. I think submissive men should not be silent, but should stand up and be counted as supporters of women and champions of feminist ideals.

What do women want in a man?

A male acquaintance of mine told me about a talk radio show he listens to frequently and out of curiosity (imagine that) I tuned in a few times to see for myself what it was about. I won’t reveal the name of the host as that isn’t important but what I do want to discuss is the content of the program. The host of the show, based on the programs I listened to, must be without peer when it comes to being chauvinistic, sexist and sexually objectifying of the female gender to the extreme. The only reason I tuned in after the first time was because listening to his rhetoric I was sure what he was saying the things he did in some poorly aimed misguided attempt at humor. But no, the other two broadcasts I listened to were exactly along the same lines, so I had no choice but to conclude he really did believe what he was saying about women and really was the type of man he seemed to be. Among some of this man’s basic philosophies concerning women that he vehemently encourages all men to subscribe to are;

• Never, ever get married or even consider living with a woman and allowing her to assume that she is your girlfriend. Otherwise she will become a nagging and fault finding bitch.
• That a real man’s approach to women should be learning how to get laid as often as possible, by as many different women as possible, with minimum time, effort, and expense.
• Women are worthless beyond their use as an object to satisfy a man’s sexual needs.
• Women who are not big breasted, young, thin or at the very least height and weight proportionate are not worth anything at all since no self-respecting man would want to have sex with them.
• Women are all basically sluts and bimbos; some are just more opinionated and irritating than others.
• Men should always use condoms not just because he should be concerned about safe sex since he should be having sex with as many women as possible, but because most women are out to trap men by getting pregnant and will lie and claim they are using birth control when they really aren’t.
• If by a third date, a woman doesn’t give a man sex he needs to dump here immediately.
• Men should not take a single thing a woman says seriously or even listen to her until he gets in her panties.
• Men should never spend any more money that absolutely necessary on a woman and shouldn’t even be willing to take a woman out and pay for her dinner. Certainly he should never spend money frivolously on buying her things like flowers or jewelry.
• Never date a single mother because she will find a way to make you financially responsible for the children she had with another man who was not smart enough to avoid impregnating her.
• The way he recommends that women be treated is exactly the way real women want to be treated. Any woman that disagrees with this is sexually dysfunctional and should be avoided.
• Feminists are women who are fat or otherwise unattractive and angry men haters because no man wants to have sex with them.
• Any man who treats women respectfully and listens seriously to their opinions is a pussy whipped loser and will lose his women to men like him who “know” how to “properly” treat a woman.

Actually there are a good deal more of his philosophies I could share beyond this appended list but I think I’ve given you enough to make the point. Certainly this talk show host is an extreme example, but the really compelling thing I learned about this show is that he has such a large following of men who call in and post to his web site forums stating their unreserved admiration for him and their own dedication to following his advice.

Are there really so many traditional “masculine” men that really see women in this way? That rhetorical question really leads me to the whole point of sharing with you about this radio host and his program. If as it seems, great numbers of men do view women in this rather repugnant and very disrespectful way, why aren’t there more women interested in relationships with submissive men? Just my relatively brief experience with alternative sexuality seems to indicate that confident, dominant women who appreciate and embrace the idea of submissive men and are actively interested in pursuing relationships with them are in extremely short supply. There seems to be far more men desiring to submit to a dominant woman than there are dominant women for them to submit to. Don’t young girls grow up dreaming about a charming prince who will come along and treat them like princesses? When a female gives a male what he needs by dominating him, the male gives her in return his gifts of submitting to her and treating her like his queen, loving her, honoring her, worshipping her, deferring to her, and obeying her. I would think that most women would love to have a partner like that. Why wouldn’t a woman want a man that would focus his complete energy and his total attention on her all of the time? A man that would pamper her, give her foot and body massages, and who would get more pleasure out of pleasuring her than receiving pleasure himself. A man that would do whatever she told him to do, without arguing or complaining. A man that would not only do all of his chores like cutting the grass and washing the cars, but would also do housework, laundry, grocery shopping, and even the cooking. A man that would wine and dine her and shower her with gifts. A man that would love her with all of his heart and who would treat her as a goddess. And all she must do to live this dream is to learn how to motivate her man to serve her needs by meeting his need to be dominated.

Not only have I learned that dominant women are in short supply with respect to the numbers of submissive men, in various places I have actually read women stating in very hateful ways that they are actually contemptuous of submissive men and would never be interested in having a relationship with one. I do understand of course the preference many women have for a strong and masculine type of man. Likely that is a result of a woman’s genetic code due to the fact that men have generally always had greater physical strength and have filled the role of protector for females. Many women do have strong needs for feeling secure, safe and protected. Clearly many women would not be attracted to a weak, spineless, bland, totally compliant, milk toast sort of man and I understand that. But I really don’t think that is what submission is all about. I see myself as submitting not out of weakness but from a position of strength. I strongly self-identify as masculine and don’t feel I need to apologize for my maleness, yet I simply define masculinity and the male role a little differently than current society does. I don’t see respecting, admiring, worshipping and taking a woman seriously as a person to be a sign of weakness or a failure to live up to the male code. I think more women simply need to understand that a man can be the best of all worlds, strong, masculine but at the same time submissive.

Many women seem to want the alpha male type. The ambitious, self-confident, competitive, controlling and opinionated male. Some of these traits are desirable, especially in the business world, but along with the positives often come some very sobering liabilities. This kind of man also often times is stoic; he keeps his own counsel and has difficulty expressing his feelings and emotions. He can be extremely critical and often doesn’t give much credence to the opinions of others. He tends to be self-centered and relentlessly focused on achieving his own goals and agendas. Having his needs met is often more important than meeting someone else’s needs. Is this really the kind of man women want relationships with? If so, at least my brief experience with the radio program mentioned, there seems to be plenty of them out there. But I ask myself, if this is the kind of man that can make a woman happy and contented, why are more than half of all marriages now ending in divorce? Why are fewer women choosing to get married in the first place or at least waiting far longer than ever before to do so? Yes, of course there are other societal factors with a bearing on this but still I have to wonder if what many women believe they want in a man is necessarily what they actually will find addresses their deepest needs and desires. Perhaps instead of an alpha male, many women might be better served to consider the alpha submissive male. Just my opinion of course.