The Clitoris: A Users guide for submissive men

Back in the early nineties, actress Margi Clarke, went out on the street for The Good Sex Guide and asked men to identify the clitoris on a diagram. Almost all of them failed, spawning a generation of jokes about men's ineptitude when faced with the female anatomy (What do a clitoris, an anniversary, and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them). I know that personally, I had been having sexual intercourse for many years armed with only the very vaguest understanding of what the clitoris was and where it was precisely located.

Dismissed and misunderstood for hundred of years, the clitoris is the one part of the female body whose sole purpose is pleasure. It is vitally important that men understand not only where the clitoris is located but fully understand the extent of the clitoris and how all of the parts of the clitoris work together to produce female orgasms. Armed with this knowledge a man will be in a much better position to help his partner explore and enhance her sexual response. In reading about female sexuality, it became clear to me that the reason that so many women are disappointed in sex is that their sexuality is defined according to male standards. By this I mean that sex is intercourse-focused, which works very well for men, but not reliably for women. Especially submissive men, whose prime directive is to focus on providing sexual pleasure to their dominant female partners, the challenge I believe is to help transform society’s male-centered model of sexuality and work towards the development of a more equitable ideal. Accomplishing this requires, in part, reclaiming information about women’s bodies and sexual response that has been lost or ignored under the antique phallyocentric model. It also demands a broader understanding on the part of men about female sexual plumbing and how a woman receives pleasure.

According to Rebecca Chalker, author of The Clitoral Truth: The Secret World at Your Fingertips, for 2,500 years the clitoris and the penis were considered equivalent in all respects expect their arrangement, but all that changed after the eighteenth century with the advent of the patriarchal posture when this knowledge was repressed, ignored and forgotten. It was not until 1559 that Real Colombo, M.D., re-discovered the clitoris and its role in female sexual response.

Even today, the clitoris is still very confusing to both men and women and largely misunderstood and that is why men would be well served to step back and take a broader view of sex than just to focus on the heterosexual intercourse obsessed version that’s so popular in our modern culture. Even many doctors and sex therapists, still think that the clitoris is a teeny pea-sized bump, and that women's sexual response is not as powerful as men's. What many people call the clitoris is just the tip (or glans), and is only one of many parts-that all have corresponding parts in the penis-and work in a similar way to produce orgasm.

The preface of Chalker’s book is that the clitoris is actually far more than that little nub of nerve endings above the entrance of the vagina. She contends that the clitoris is actually quite a large and complex organ and that the better understanding of its structure within the female sexual organs will bring better understanding to both men about the female sexual response. From the introduction Chalker writes: “The clitoris has 18 parts some of which you can see-like the glans or tip, inner lips (called labia minora in medicalese) and the hood, which is equivalent to the foreskin in men. Then there are parts that you can feel, such as the shaft a cord about an inch long that is attached to the glans, and the urethral sponge which you can feel through the roof of the vagina. Then there are muscles, blood vessels, and nerves which you cannot feel, but which are essential in causing orgasm.”

For centuries the clitoris was described as a nerve-rich nub about the size of a pea. And indeed, it is dense in nerves, with over 80,000 of them. But it wasn't until 1998, when Dr Helen O'Connell challenged the “pea-sized” theory with her study of the clitoris, reported in New Scientist. O'Connell discovered it was wishbone shaped, with erectile tissue surrounding the urethra on three sides. Rather than being the size and shape of a pea, O'Connell reported that the clitoris actually has two legs (or crura) which extend between five and nine centimeters into the pelvis, as well as two bulbs (called “the bulbs of the vestibule”) which lie to either side of the vaginal opening within the labia minora (inner labia). She followed up this research in 2005, using magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) rather than dissection to study the clitoris, and reported similar findings.

The visible portion of the clitoris, the glans clitoris closely resembles a little penis and both organs function in similar ways. Both are full of tiny cabernosal arteries lined with smooth muscle. During sexual arousal, that smooth muscle relaxes, allowing the arteries to fill up with blood. Unlike the male penis, the clitoris is the only organ in the human body built solely for pleasure, and that in some women it is up to 14 centimeters long. Different women have different textured clitori and like it played with differently. Often women who have the large hard rubber like clitoris like when the man bites it or sucks it forcefully. Other women with a more sensitive clitoris like when the man flicks it with medium force. Some women have an extremely sensitive clitoris and only enjoy very gentle play focused on it, so softly that the stimulation is barely touching it. In general, women find stimulation of the clitoris to be uncomfortable and unpleasant when the surface is dry. When stimulating a woman’s clitoris with his fingers, the male should ensure that his fingers are well lubricated, using either the woman’s own natural lubrication if she is aroused, or a lubricating product until she becomes wet. The need for lubrication makes the giving of oral sex an excellent choice for a method of stimulating a woman’s clitoris as the man’s own saliva provides the needed lubrication.

In vanilla encounters, the burden is often on the male to learn through experimentation exactly how his partner enjoys having her clitoris stimulated. Often dominant women are quite comfortable in telling the man exactly what she likes. But there are a few basic guidelines that can be followed by a man on his own which most women would find pleasurable.

• Lick from the stem of the clitoris to the inner labia and back up again in soft sweeping strokes.


• Slip a finger inside the vagina and press on her G-spot as you gently lick the tip of her clit.


• Suck the whole of her clitoris and labia softly with your mouth, lapping in between her labia as you do so.


• Some women enjoy getting onto all fours and sliding a finger or toy inside their vagina from behind teasing her G-spot while the man licks her clit from underneath.

Sexuality is a part of who we are as sentient human beings, and it varies from person to person, culture to culture. So what does this mean for you? Well, to start with, you can have a lot more fun if you explore a woman’s clitoris in all its glory discovering how to turn her on in new ways. Additionally, helping to construct a new sexual model requires a thorough evaluation of the psychological, social, and biological facets of sexuality. That is why I decided to write this article about what every submissive man should know about the clitoris.

Ode to the Yoni (Vagina)

Ode (from the Ancient Greek ὠδή) is a form of stately and elaborate lyrical verse. The initial model for English odes was Horace, who used the form to write meditative lyrics on various themes.

Source: From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Why you may ask would someone undertake to write in stately and elaborate form, an essay with vagina as the theme. Technically this is really not an ode in the sense I’m not competent to write in lyrical verse. I’m not a poet and of course I know it, and now if you are reading this, you know it too. Yet I can’t imagine a theme more timeless and worthy of stately and elaborate lyrical prose.

In antiquity many cultures engaged in the worship of female genitalia. The reason was simple, as this Tantric prayer illustrates, “Without the Yoni, even the Lord cannot create.” The people of India regarded creation as one the grandest miracles and found divinity in the female sex organ that helped facilitate it. The worship of “Lajja-gowri” (The Shy Goddess) is a form “Yoni” worship. Such idols could be found at deserted temples in Karnataka, Andhra Pradesh and Maharashtra states of India. The stone or mud icon of a nude female has its feet held back so that the genitalia is prominently exhibited. She also features fully developed breasts. The hands are raised and clenched in fists, or holding lotus flowers. The head is represented by large lotus. The body is very richly ornamented. The women having problems with their puberty, menses, conceiving and child-birth take vows to worship Lajja-gowri with all the dedication they can command. As part of this ritual they apply butter and kumkum and sometimes lick the yoni of the idol. Another similar type of practice was prevalent at Chandragutti in Karnataka state. Women favored by the Goddess Renuka worshipped in nude. Such customs and rituals connected with eroticism are prevalent throughout India in one form or the other.

As a submissive man I am totally onboard with the idea of Yoni worship. Vaginas as are the women who own them central to human existence, but they still remain largely undervalued and under appreciated. Certainly a Yoni seems imminently suited as an object of worship. Here I’m not speaking in the sense of honoring or showing reverence for female genitalia as one might worship a divine being or supernatural power. But more in the sense of offering extravagant respect or admiration for or devotion to an object of esteem. Many words come to mind when I think about vaginas, mysterious for one. If you think about it, with males our junk is just pretty much out there in plain view. Not so with women, the vagina is hidden behind beautiful, soft folds of delectable and tender flesh, almost like a beautiful flower which is the reason for the illustration I chose for today. In fact, an artist by the name of Nick Karras, has a web site which features ten very tasteful and artistic, non-pornographic black and white, close up images of ten very different vaginas, each unique but attractive in its own right. He has named aptly named his web site, “Petals.” So apparently I’m not the only man who sees the rich symbolism of flowers in comparison to vaginas.

Before delving further into this idea about worshipping vaginas, I think we should engage in a little anatomical review and clear up a misnomer. In common speech, the term vagina (from Latin, literally "sheath" or "scabbard") is often used to refer to the vulva or female genitals generally. Strictly speaking, the vagina is a specific internal structure and the vulva is the exterior genitalia only. The vagina proper is an elastic muscular canal that extends from the cervix to the vulva. The vulva is comprised of the Prepuce, Clitoris, Labia Menora (Minor lips), and Labia Majora (Major lips). The vagina, along with the inside of the vulva, are the female bits with the familiar reddish pink color. I think it is fine to refer to a woman’s genitalia as vagina since the word is in common use, as long as you understand the difference between vulva and vagina.

Lots of different words are used to refer to a woman’s genitalia; beaver (circa 1920), box (circa 1940), cunt (15th century), pussy (19th century), snatch (19th century), and twat (17th century) to name a few of the more recognizable and common ones. Yoni, the Hindu word for vagina is commonly used today because of the popularity of tantric sex practices. Dr. Catherine Blackledge, author of The Story of V, a fascinating dip into the cultural background and etymology of the vagina, points out that there is a wealth of varied and incredible terms for female genitalia, far more than there are for male genitalia. The reason for that she explains is that we are still less comfortable and confident talking about female sexual anatomy and female sexual pleasure than we are about male sexual anatomy and sexual pleasure. I suppose “pussy” is my favorite as I like saying it myself and think it is very erotic when a woman says it. "Cunt" on the other hand is a word I’ve never cared for or used because it seems coarse, crude, and well just disrespectful to refer to something of such great beauty with a word like that. There is beauty to be sure and many pussies are actually very pretty.

Back to the subject of worship and why I feel it’s appropriate. First, as mentioned there is beauty to behold when admiring a woman’s pussy. Beautiful, pretty, and cute are all words that I think can be properly applied. There is the mysterious element that I spoke of earlier. The is also the part I like best when it comes to female genitalia, the erotic, arousing wetness. During sexual arousal and particularly stimulation of the clitoris, the walls of the vagina self-lubricate, reducing friction during sexual activity. Vaginal lubrication is provided by the Bartholin's glands near the vaginal opening and the cervix. This is the single most exciting part of a woman’s genitalia. In intimate contact, I love the feel, the scent and the taste of her wetness. Just having a woman tell me she is wet never ceases to arouse me and always produces an erection. That alone is more than sufficient to put me in the worshipful mood. Finally, I think it’s appropriate to worship at the very altar and symbol of her femininity to show adoration, affection and respect for the woman herself. When I think of worship, I’m not thinking of praying, burning incense or lighting candles, but of offering tender, enthusiastic and respectful oral sex to the woman. That is definitely something I never withhold or tire of. Women have differences when it comes to receiving oral. I once dated a woman who would take it for hours on end and once had sixteen consecutive orgasms. Gosh I miss her! The last woman I seriously dated loved receiving oral, but after one orgasm she finished stating that continued oral stimulation after that point “tickled” and wasn’t enjoyable for her. She preferred oral simply as foreplay and a precursor to penetration. I take very seriously the responsibility as a man to learn how to give a woman pleasing and satisfying oral sex and believe all men should have the same view. I have spent lots of time reading books, magazine articles and web sites on the subject. In addition I have asked female friends with whom I was close enough to discuss such intimate topics with to tell me what they liked and disliked about the techniques they have experienced. It’s a very easy way to show a woman how much you adore and value her and care about her desires and needs.

Perhaps I have an oral fetish but all I know is I simply love cunnilingus and adoring a female in this way is something I simply love to do. Hopefully I have offered you cogent reasons for why I personally enjoy Yoni worship and perhaps stimulated men to do a bit more of it, giving devotion and esteem where it is most certainly due.