At Your Service

Today my post is dedicated to sharing my report to my Mistress on my experiences with the observance of our weekly mantra…

My Dear Mistress,

For this week's mantra, as has become my habit, I began my preparations again on Saturday evening with attention to personal hygiene by freshly trimming my pubic hair and then by using a razor to shape the area in an attractive manner and to smoothly shave my scrotum.

I performed our weekly ritual this evening. I was actually very excited about the mantra performance today as it was the very first time for the panty gag. I took a nice hot shower so that I felt fresh and clean and after drying off, I put your collar on my neck and went to our special place reserved for our Sunday ritual where I knelt in my usual fashion, knees widely spread, back straight, head held eye and eyes downcast. Today I experienced the added twist of gagging myself with your panties as you had instructed. I also modified my position slightly again this week, this time placing my hands behind my head with interlocked fingers to raise the difficulty of the position just a bit. I knelt for you in honor of your authority and control over me for twenty-five minutes. After completing that portion of the mantra, I then sat down and composed my response to the topic you assigned me for this week…

Topic Assignment: “For this week's mantra I would like you to consider the non-sexual part of a D/s relationship (perhaps ours in particular?) and things that you would enjoy doing that make you submit to me, but are not at all sexual in nature.”

There are two very distinctive parts to the D/s lifestyle; sexual submission and lifestyle submission. Lifestyle submission is exactly the component you assigned me to contemplate this week because that is the part where non-sexual service comes into play. The first thought that occurred to me was the inherent limitations attendant to a strictly online D/s relationship such as that which we presently share. I do think the very reason that we have focused on the sexual submissive component thus far is because that is just much simpler to accomplish online than lifestyle submission. For example, were we involved in a real life face-to-face relationship there would be so much more that I could do for you from a service standpoint. Here are some things I imagine being able to do for you under those circumstances;

• Provide you with non-sexual massages


• Draw your bath and bathe you


• Complete actual chores such as house cleaning


• Prepare meals


• Grocery shopping and running errands for you


• Laundry


• Drive you to places you wished to go

Of course since our relationship is only online, I can’t actually do those types of things for you as much as I might wish I could, however that does not relieve me of the responsibility of accomplishing those things that I can do to serve you. Here are some things that I can do for you from a service standpoint now;

• Give you my willing and cheerful obedience at all times


• Give you my complete attention when we chat and by carefully reading and responding to your correspondence


• Keep any rules and rituals that you give me exactly according to your instructions
  Carry out all instructions and assignments that you give me in a timely manner completing them to the best of my ability


• Show you my respect at all times


• Communicate regularly my affection and devotion for you


• Graciously accept and perform any punishment assignments you give me when I fail you


• Assist you with your administrative duties at the Academy in whatever ways you desire and deem appropriate


• As we recently discussed, I would like to show my devotion and affection for you by sending you small gifts (tribute) when you feel comfortable with that idea.

Willingly completing tasks given me by you as my Mistress such as the things listed above which I can perform for you now are accomplished with the intent of pleasing you and to be of actual service to you. I also receive pleasure and satisfaction came from knowing I am providing you with a needed or desired service and that you are pleased by the things I am able to offer you. This also gives me as your submissive a sense of accomplishment and great joy. You always make me feel that my small acts of service are always appreciated greatly.

Rules, rituals, instructions and assignments are things that you give to me for very important reasons. Following them brings me feelings of pride and happiness from belonging to you and remind me that you care for me. Rules are in place to keep me in line, place my heart and mind in the submissive mindset, and to make sure that I show you my respect and honor at all times. Instructions and assignments are meant to help me improve myself for you. I follow all of these so that I can present myself as a loving and obedient man for you.

When I am given rules, instructions, rituals or assignments by you, I am always excited that you felt the need to give me things to do for you, to make me available for you always. You give me a wide range of things in my life to help me to improve and grow as a submissive. Without these I would have no purpose and my goal of pleasing you would have no method. Accomplishing these things not only govern aspects of my life and behavior but also allow me to express my submission to you by following them.

With all respect,
CJ

Of Course it’s Sexual

As I have shared, I spend a good deal of time blog reading and many of those I follow are written by dominant women and are focused on the topic of female led relationships of a variety of stripe. For some reason over the past several days I have bumped up against a rather common theme that I actually find somewhat confusing. The theme has been dominant women expressing dismay and even downright disgust at the fact that many of the submissive men they speak with seem in their opinion overly focused on the sexual aspects of submitting to a dominant female.

This leads to me to conclude that many dominant women despite what they may believe actually do not really understand male sexuality. According to published scientific study on sexuality, 85 percent of twenty to thirty year old males think about sex every 52 seconds. Is it then really a mystery that submissive men focus on the sexual aspect of submitting to a dominant female? Men are actually rather simple when it comes to sexuality. Stimulate our glans (that little patch of skin at the front of the penis just below the head) and we will quickly ejaculate. The male also has a much simpler sex drive than a woman. He simply wants to mate with any female he finds desirable. The longer he is denied sex, the stronger his desire grows. Furthermore we can get nearly the same level of satisfaction from masturbating as we do from completing a sex act with a woman.

Since within the dynamics of a female dominant, male submissive relationship it is the woman who decides if the male will be allowed to have sex with her or not, or have any sexual gratification at all for that matter, his desire for her sexually becomes linked with his desire for her approval. As he becomes more aroused sexually the desire to please her increases exponentially. Even things that are not overtly sexual like offering her willing obedience, respectful non-sexual service and giving her his complete and undivided attention and worship all speak to the sexual part of the male. A part of this I think is explained by the concept of taboo. A taboo is a strong social prohibition (or ban) against words, objects, actions, discussions, or people that are considered undesirable or offensive by a group, culture, society, or community. Just about all of us are titillated by the idea of breaking a taboo which is why many of us engage is vivid sexual fantasies where we imagine ourselves doing the most outrageous things in fantasy that we would never do in real life out of fear of rejection, fear of being ostracized or suffering legal penalty. In should be appreciated that for a male to submit to a female, is in a very real sense breaking a taboo because the submissive male is always battling the expectations placed upon him by our largely patriarchal society to act in the traditional way that society expects masculinity to be expressed; the man is dominant, the man is aggressive, the man does not express himself emotionally but is always stoic.

As a submissive man, there are five elements of submitting to a strong, assertive and dominant woman that speak powerfully to my sexual being;

• I enjoy having a dominant female controlling my sexual activity.


• I delight in having a dominant female deciding whether or not she will permit me to orgasm.


• I have a deep seated and overwhelming need to please a dominant female partner without any promises, or expectation of reward.


• In the expression of my submissiveness to a dominant female partner I feel the real and very present need to be always aware of her every need and her pleasure always takes priority over my own.


• Forced chastity is not so much a major fetish for me as it is simply a means of experiencing a dominant female’s complete control over my sexual activity, whether or not she chooses to grant me permission to orgasm for her.

I do of course understand that D/s has two separate components, sexual submission and lifestyle submission. But both of these for the male submissive are intertwined and related because both affect and impact his sexual being. So of course D/s is sexual and that should never be a reason for dismay and certainly never a reason for disgust. My willingness as a submissive man to surrender control to a dominant, assertive female in every aspect of my life certainly includes submitting to her dominance over my penis and my sexuality, so of course my quite normal and natural focus on the sexual does not in anyway diminish her authority over me or my willingness to submit in the lifestyle areas as well.

CBT Is Not a Computer Virus

Cock and ball torture (CBT) is an activity that I find I have an attraction for even though I have yet to experience it in a meaningful way. I actually was pretty confused about exactly why I would want to experience this or find the thought of it erotic given the fact that I am not really much of a masochist and CBT is actually a pretty intense sadomasochistic practice, especially in the more intense ways it can be accomplished. For those not familiar with this activity, here is a definition excerpted from the Wikipedia online encyclopedia;

Definition: Cock and ball torture (CBT) is a sexual activity involving torture of the male genitals. This may involve directly painful activities, such as wax play, genital spanking, ball busting, genital flogging, genital bondage, urethral play, electrical play, or tickle torture. It may equally consist of the use of cock harnesses, testicle cuffs, parachutes, prolonged stimulation (teasing), metal cages, cock rings, English cages, not necessarily leading to orgasm. Erotic electro stimulation may also be used in CBT. The use of ball bags, ball stretchers, various kinds of chastity devices and the humbler can also be regarded as forms of CBT. A ball lock may be used for prolonged entrapment, providing an interesting predicament associated with not knowing when padlock will be unfastened, releasing the testicles.

This is rather comprehensive listing of the possibilities included in the universe of CBT activities offered by Wikipedia. One of the most simple forms as illustrated in the above photograph, is simply the binding of the cock and balls (genital bondage) using small diameter rope or cord. As evidence of my own attraction to this practice, I really find the change of color of the balls when tightly bound, extremely erotic and arousing. Similar to the use of urethral sounds, insertion of penis plugs is also a form of CBT, as would be the application of clamps on the cock and/or balls and the use of permanent penis jewelry after having either the shaft or the scrotum pierced.

What you ask is it that would cause a submissive man to feel an attraction for this practice, especially in the more extreme and painful forms? First I think it can be explained by the simple male fascination with his own penis, which I have already discussed at length previously in this blog. There is a good deal of excitement associated with another person focusing so much careful attention on this particularly intimate part of a male’s anatomy, even if that person is inflicting pain while doing so. Should one be given to Masochism to a much more profound degree than I am, a person who truly derives pleasure strictly from the level of pain, then enduring the torture of their genitals while experiencing CBT in its most painful machinations would be satisfying for them for the obvious reasons.

From the purely submissive perspective I actually feel that CBT appeals to me for two main reasons that are closely aligned with many other activities in which I find meaningful and intense expression of my submissive nature. Assuming a dominant woman enjoyed inflicting CBT on me, which would of course imply that she was something of a sadist, then of course I would receive emotional pleasure from the act of pleasing her by allowing her to inflict CBT on me. There is no doubt about it, I am a complete pleaser type personality and truly do derive a great deal of satisfaction and fulfillment from pleasing someone else on many levels. Also, since I enjoy being controlled by an assertive dominant woman, then there is also the gratification I would receive from CBT due to the quite obvious and overt loss of control over this rather favored and valued part of my male anatomy to a dominant woman.

Lacking a significant masochistic kink, I think I would most enjoy some of the milder forms of CBT, such as wax play, genital spanking/flogging, genital bondage, urethral play (penis plugs), cock harnesses (e.g. Gates of Hell), parachutes (ball stretchers), prolonged stimulation (teasing), cock rings and chastity devices. To date I have only experienced cock rings, self-inflicted genital spanking, genital bondage, and some degree of ball stretching by way of a crude homemade weighting apparatus. I found I definitely liked all of these although I am quite certain self-inflicted CBT is never going to approach the intensity of someone doing it to me. In addition I have just recently ordered a Gates of Hell cock harness and a beginner’s penis plug, and am anxiously awaiting the arrival of these new toys to continue my CBT education.

Talking Points:

For dominant females: Does CBT appeal to you? If so do you feel that it appeals to you from a sadist perspective (enjoyment of inflicting pain), from a control perspective, or some other reason? If CBT does not appeal, why not?

For submissive males: Does CBT appeal to you? If it does, is it for one of the reason I offered, a combination of those reasons or for some other reason entirely? If it hold no appeal for you, why? Also, for anyone who may have experienced CBT in any of its various forms please share a little from your own personal experience with it.

Color Codes

From another blog I enjoy reading, I found a link to an interesting personality test called The Color Code which may be found at;

http://www.thecolorcode.com/ The site offers a free basic test interpretation or you may purchase a more in depth if you choose. I completed the test out of curiosity and here I share information from my basic profile derived from the test;

My personality style was determined to be a BLUE

Motive: BLUES are motivated by intimacy. They seek to genuinely connect with others, and need to be understood and appreciated. Everything they do is quality-based. They are loyal friends, employers, and employees. Whatever or whomever they commit to is their sole (and soul) focus. They love to serve and give of themselves freely in order to nurture others' lives.

Traits: BLUES have distinct preferences and their personal code of ethics is remarkably strong and they expect others to live honest, committed lives as well. They enjoy sharing meaningful moments in conversation as well as paying close attention to special life events (e.g. birthdays and anniversaries). BLUES are dependable, thoughtful, and analytical; but can also be worry-prone and moody. They are "sainted pit-bulls" who never let go of something or someone once they are committed. When you deal with a BLUE be sincere and make a genuine effort to understand and appreciate them.

Actually I found this remarkable because I do in introspection agree with all of the comments received in my profile. Hopefully this will allow readers to feel that they know me a bit better. It was amazing to me that such a brief test could reveal so much of what I actually see in my own personality. I encourage you to take the test and learn whether your results are equally on target.

Talking Points:

For any who take the test: Did you find the test accurately portrayed your personality style in the way you see yourself? Did you learn anything surprising from the test? I’d love it if any would care to share their own experience with the test.

Truth or Fiction?

One of the delightful side benefits of beginning this blog is the fact that I have come to discover the blogs of so many others who write on similar topics and themes and interest me. There are several that I read and enjoy on a regular basis. One such recently discovered blog is written by an emerging dominant female who seeks a submissive male for an authentic long-term, committed Loving Female Authority (LFA) realtionship. While catching up on some of her earlier posts, I found one that was quite intriguing. She categorized five different types of men who have responded to personal ads that she has posted during her search for a submissive male partner. Her purpose for sharing that information was a bit different than what I wish to discuss with readers today, but her article did stimulate me to think about something that I feel is worth examining. Today I am sharing with you some categories of my own, but my four categories are all types of men who claim to be submissive men. I am certain that this information will not be news for dominant females who may read this blog as I am certain that they have likely encountered all four types in their own experiences, but I find it useful to examine these types and their motivations for my own edification as it helps me to better understand my own submissive nature. First allow me to say that for some time now I have been struggling with the fact that I write at great lengths about submissive men in this blog, but I never have much to say with regards to submissive women. Today I just felt compelled to say that this should not in any way be construed as disrespect for my submissive sisters. I actually count as close friends, several lifestyle submissive women. Naturally since I am a submissive man then I think it is only natural that I focus on the male submissive experience and to be perfectly honest, I really don’t truly understand female submission and so I do not feel qualified to write about it. Yes, I do understand that there are obvious commonalities in our respective submissive experiences, yet it is just a fact that in my perspective I see women naturally in a dominant role. But please know if you are a submissive woman reading this blog, you have my deepest and sincerest respect and I know that for you submission is just as needful and meaningful as it is for me. Please note that my categories are limited to heterosexual men, the group with which I identify. And now for my categories of “submissive” men;

Type 1 - Posers, Fakers and Wannabes

This type will claim to be submissive but in reality he is not submissive at all. They pretend to be submissive but it is only a ruse designed for the purpose of persuading a dominant woman to have sex with them. He may or may not have an interest in “kinky” sex, but more often than not he does which is the reason he targets specifically dominant women rather than women in general. A very superficial degree of questioning on the part of a dominant female will usually be sufficient to disclose that this type of “submissive” man has no real knowledge of the submissive lifestyle and is only interested in getting sex.

Type 2 – Users

There is a large group of men who enjoy the erotic aspects of the “loss of control” experienced in engaging in sexual activities with dominant women. They may not even fully understand why they find being taken in hand by a strong dominant women to be so sexually arousing, but they know it appeals to them. For many of them, intercourse or any other overtly sexually stimulating acts may not even be necessary components of their interaction with dominant women. Activities like having their orgasm denied, being forced to wear female panties or lingerie, or being subjected to corporal punishment may satisfy their needs for the experience. This type may even be mistaken for a true submissive. Yet outside the erotic and the sexual, these men have no interest in submitting. He allows the woman to take charge when it comes to sex only because he wants her to fulfill his own sexual fantasies for him. As a result he actually sees himself as in control (topping from the bottom) and is simply using the female to give him what he wants. He is submissive only when it comes to the bedroom and once beyond that he intends to be in complete control. Again it is easy to identify the user by simply eliminating any sexual activity and by asking him to perform mundane service oriented activities instead. He will quickly show his true colors when he understands that his sexual fantasies are not going to be addressed. This type of “submissive” is best suited for the professional dominatrix so that he may be allowed to pay for the self-serving services he seeks.

Type 3 – Doormats

For this type submission is only a means to end. They may also appear genuinely submissive but upon closer inspection you will find them to be men who for a variety of reasons have extremely little self-respect and low self-esteem. For whatever reason they have been conditioned to feel that they are worthless or deserving of being punished. Generally this type is not only submissive to women but submissive in general and lack any assertiveness at all of discernable degree. These men are usually so submissive that is all they really have and generally are characterized by little or no personality and poor communication skills. They will frequently have no limits whatsoever and are eager to perform anything required of them. They will willingly and eagerly perform the most degrading and extreme forms of humiliation that could be imagined. They will prove unable to carry on a conversation with you beyond telling you how much they want to worship at your feet. This type is easy to identify; simply imagine the mental image that comes to mind when you think of a dog that has been abused and when you try to pet it, it cowers and wets itself.

Type 4 – Genuine Submissive

The last type represents the group of men who have come to not only understand but to embrace their submissive nature and who truly desire to offer respectful, obedient service to a dominant woman. He is comfortable with his masculinity and himself. While not prideful, he has healthy self-esteem and self-respect. He has a life and interests beyond submission but finds that aspect of himself to be meaningful and rewarding. He doesn’t submit to everyone, not even to every dominant female he meets but he truly wants a woman to be in charge of him recognizing that this makes him a better person and a better man and causes him to experience personal fulfillment. He is service oriented and truly desires to please his dominant female partner and selflessly puts her needs, wants and happiness above his own. He experiences the appeal of erotic submission but is just as happy and satisfied to engage in the lifestyle aspects of submission as well. The true submissive should be able to cogently explain why he knows he is submissive, when he first became aware of it, and why he finds submitting to be a source of fulfillment and satisfaction for him.

Obviously I do place myself squarely in Type 4 but not because I am the standard for the authentic submissive man but because I feel that I meet the standards to truthfully assert my claim.

Talking Points:

For Dominant Women: Do you agree or disagree with the categories I have offered and do you feel the information is relevant to your own experiences?