Sex Roles: A paradigm shift

In the fifties and sixties we definitely lived in a patriarchy and it is fair to say that it was a man’s world. The roles for men and women were relatively well-defined and non-changing, but the last 20-30 years have brought about dramatic changes in male and female sex roles. The changes have forced many men to reevaluate the traditional notions of manhood and masculinity. While many men welcome these changes, this redefinition of roles has caused confusion and frustration for others.

One approach to understanding what is going on is to recognize that whenever any issue heats up, when old beliefs and attitudes begin to be debated and challenged, it is a good bet that we are on the threshold of a paradigm shift. A paradigm shift occurs when there are fundamental changes in thought about some previously accepted aspect of society which comes under scrutiny and begins to be rejected. A paradigm shift is more than a change in thought; it also means a fundamental change in personal behavior. We can get some clues on where this paradigm shift is going by focusing in on the basic structure of the current paradigm.

Under the patriarchal paradigm, the masculine stereotype emphasized the importance of males being strong, independent, inflexible, and emotionless. In relationships the male roles were clear; be the provider, be the “boss” and don’t get too emotionally close to anyone. Not showing any vulnerability was central to this role. Male sexuality was characterized as genitally focused, detached from other parts and conditions of our lives, and performance oriented. For men sex was not so much a sharing of intimacy but a conquest to provide for our own gratification and to prove our manliness.

Patriarchy is under attack. The liberation of the sixties heightened the sexual contradictions of the typical Western view of sexuality and sparked debate about rigidly defined male and female sex roles. The Feminist movement has shaken the foundations. As one very perceptive bumper sticker states: “Feminism is the radical notion that males and females are equal.” This statement very nicely captures the present-day paradigm shift. Shifting sex roles in this country now encompass more equality for males and females. Whereas older, more traditional, notions of sex roles emphasized the superior power position of males, more recent formulations of sex roles emphasize equal power for males and females and even in some instances empower females to assume the dominant role. Gay liberation has also raised profound questions about sex roles and behaviors.

Like it or not, though scary and confusing at times for many sex role expectations are changing in this country. Newer definitions of being a man are much less rigid and clear. Males are now expected by their partners to be open emotionally and to be able to communicate effectively. New role models of masculinity stress both strength and vulnerability; the ability to be strong and the ability to be vulnerable. Simply put, we are in the process of redefining sex roles in our culture. Today’s culture requires males to expand the traditional notions of masculinity. It is important to know how to be strong and vulnerable, independent and dependent, logical and emotional. Clinging to old notions of what being male means will not solve the problem. New roles are evolving and it is important for males to experiment with these new notions.

More and more males are beginning to see the advantages of these new sex role expectations. Embracing the notion of equality with females or even the more “radical notion of submission to dominant females can actually be freeing for males. No longer having to be the “provider”, males now have more flexibility in their careers and work life. No longer having to be "strong and silent", men are seeing that their health improve and their relationships becoming more satisfying. In short, equality gives men options they didn’t have before. Are changing sex roles sometimes confusing? Yes. Are they freeing? Yes they are definitely freeing for both women and men. Improved health and less stress, more satisfying relationships, and more lifestyle options are but a few of the advantages.

Along with acceptance of the new sex role expectations, the basic structure of the way men think about sex must radically shift. First, men must learn that the new male sexuality engages the entire body in a diffused experience and is not just a genital experience. All forms of touch could be considered sexual in themselves, not just “foreplay.” Men could learn to have orgasms (no longer synonymous with ejaculation) that become a total body experience. Sexuality might be integrated into all other parts of men's lives. We could begin to see how a certain sexual glow can actually enhance our effectiveness at work and in our relationships, rather than be an impediment to healthy functioning. Sexuality might be pleasure-oriented rather than performance-oriented, a relaxing experience, energizing instead of depleting. Sexuality might become a multifaceted range of experiences, not just a single experience (intercourse) repeated over and over again, more or less successfully. This image, upon reflection, has many elements of a more feminine view of sexuality but it is also the new image of male sexuality.

Ultimately, the future of male sexuality and the dominant image of male sexuality will be the work of all of us men who decide to tackle this question in our own lives. We will start with what we have: our doubts, our fears, our sense of inadequacy, as well as our hopes and our best intentions. We will work towards gaining a sense of responsibility and integrity about sex that we may not feel now. We will learn about it together. What we need is a little courage to give up the old paradigm, to recognize that it doesn't fit in our lives anymore, and to start embracing a new one that fits us more comfortably.

Gender transcendence: Antidote to the sexual objectification of women?

Recently I read a very interesting article concerning the increased momentum toward gender transcendence or moving beyond traditional notions of gender. Advocates for the movement argue for the importance of raising “nonsexist,” “gender-neutral,” or “gender-aschematic” children in an effort to prompt social change. Gender schemata (a mental codification of experience that includes a particular organized way of perceiving cognitively and responding to a complex situation or set of stimuli) contributes to the formation of gender stereotypes, social roles based on sex or narrowly defined and exaggerated concepts of what is acceptable as masculine and feminine.

There is widespread disagreement among social scientists about whether raising “gender-neutral” children is even possible much less whether development of gender aschematic thinking is inevitable. Yet I have to think that if it is possible it would certainly be a positive development. Let’s face it, the gender schemata of our slowly changing patriarchal society and its contribution to the formation of the narrowly defined and exaggerated concepts of what is acceptable as masculine and feminine is largely to blame for the sexism in our society decried against so bitterly by feminists and is also at fault for the existence of the rather distasteful practice of sexual objectification of women by men. In their view, the objectification of women involves disregarding personal abilities and capabilities, and focusing instead on attributes relevant to women's role as sexual partners, such as physical attractiveness, sex appeal and submissiveness.

Sexual objectification occurs when a woman's body is treated as an object especially as an object that exists solely for the pleasure and use of others (men), and is illustrated interpersonally between men and women by men engaging in lascivious, lustful and aggressive staring and the shouting of lewd comments at women. It also includes the manner in which women are represented in the media, especially with respect to modern “sex sells” advertising. Since such sexual objectification is not within a woman's control, very few women are completely able to avoid contexts that may be potentially objectifying.

Sexual objectification of women is particularly insidious for a number of reasons. First objectification is an image that denotes passivity, vulnerability, and chattel, all of which combine to increase the likelihood that the person objectified, in this case females, will be subjected to victimization. In extreme cases this victimization can include rape and the battery of women. Objectifications of people make the use of violence against them seem more legitimate. Another negative consequence for women resulting in sexual objectification is that over time it can condition women to self-objectify. They can become abnormally preoccupied with their body image and dissatisfaction with perceived flaws. This is one of the primary causative factors in negative psychological effects such as development of eating disorders, depression, feelings of hopelessness and development of negative self-image by females. Many women feel pressured to conform to the beauty standards of our culture and are willing to go to great lengths to manipulate and change their faces and bodies feeling that their bodies and faces are in need of alteration, augmentation, and disguise by means of plastic surgeries.

I am not saintly by any means and never considered myself to be particularly special but I can honestly say that I have never indulged in sexually objectifying women. Perhaps because I grew up as the only male among four siblings and later when I was married lived with a wife and two daughters, I simply was never conditioned to view females in this derogatory manner. I have always seen females as people not things and it never occurred to me not to treat them with respect and deference. When I have had the privilege to engage with a woman in sexual intimacy I have viewed that act as a treasured gift she bestowed and never viewed using her for sex as some inalienable right due me as a male.

As an emerging submissive man I find only further affirmation of the correctness of my long held views towards women. Treating women with respect, kindness and deference is simply the common courtesies due one human being from another. In a sense feminists and submissive men are natural allies in the struggle against sexism and both groups would benefit by the development of a gender aschematic society. Women would be less likely to be victimized by sexual objectification. Submissive men could feel the freedom to be more open about this part of our nature without fear of rejection or of being ostracized by society because of our innate and deeply felt need to submit to and serve a dominant female within a loving female-led relationship. We could feel comfortable openly rejecting the antiquated patriarchal societal definition of masculinity.